Ramblings of a Civil Servant

The Traveling Hero

2012-02-01T01:52:00.000-05:00

I realized today that I change when I travel. Let me state here, for those who are not aware, that I'm into transportation. I could talk about the aviation industry or US high speed rail for hours and not get bored. There is even a film about people like me who fly for no reason but to get more miles. So I know travel, and yet it amazes me how I travel differently. For example:

When flying first class, as I sometimes get upgraded, I am constantly aware of the fact that I get booze for free. Don't get me wrong, I love a good gin and tonic on an evening flight. However I generally order alcohol no matter what because it's free and I want to take advantage of my upgrade. Contrast this with the first class regulars who get water with no ice. At dinner tonight a colleague said when he gets in first class, he considers it his duty to drink on behalf of those in coach who have to pay. Brave man.
I use toiletries that I don't normally. I'm a shampoo guy. I go to a barber and got my hair cut by telling the lady what number trimmer blade to use (3). I'm not high maintenance at all. So when I used conditioner tonight smelling of roses, I laughed. They offer it, so I take it.
Tonight, after dinner, I left my group and wanted ice cream. Ben and Jerry's was closed (Yelp lies!) and so I was walking back home. I saw a pizza spot and ended up grabbing a slice and a soda. I have no idea why. It just seemed like a good idea.

Travel questions? Email me. I can help you. I'm a geek like that.

Running Update

2012-01-06T17:32:00.001-05:00

Still hate running. I subscribe to the theory that you're supposed to get 30 minutes of moderate exercise a couple times a week. I've discovered that the route I run clocks in at around 20 mins. Most people would find a longer route. However I've always been one to believe in working smarter and not harder, so I just slow down. Now I'm doing it in 23 minutes, even with walking when not necessary. My next step is to do slam poetry on various corners. Or stop for a cup of coffee and jog in place.

Self-Loathing and Exercise Apparently Not Healthy. Film at 11.

2012-01-06T15:26:00.000-05:00

Allow me to begin this post by saying that this is my 575th blog post (I might be a little off) which is kind of wild. I know that a few people read this and I think my Facebook linking and occasional Twitter linking might have added some readers. Those readers include family and parents. So let me go on record with my Ramblings Policy on Parents and Blogging.

"I use this blog as a part-journal, part-creative outlet, part-venting zone. As such, there might be things that will give you possible cause for concern. Know that writing these posts are not my passive-aggressive way of letting you know. If I think there are issues that I need help with, I promise to bring them up".

I add that caveat because I was reading a post from The Bloggess about her struggles with depression and thoughts of suicide at times and was greatly encouraged by the hundreds of commenters who came into the light and admitted their own struggles with these issues. I thought about my own struggles with depression/anxiety/whatever.

Lest you worry, I'm doing quite good currently. I was running, because my girlfriend wants me to be healthier and I think the idea of not getting Type 2 Diabetes is a good idea. Though it might be worth it if I could meet Wilford Brimley. He seems like a pretty cool dude. I've had a body image issue, mostly related to my chubbiness since I was a kid. I told other kids it wasn't fat, just skin waiting be grown into. I realize now it is like having a pimple. The person you're talking to doesn't really notice, but you feel like you're saying, "Holy Shit! Look at the thing on my face!"

So I would use the fat kid syndrome and teasing myself before others got the chance to became my M.O. I'm quite good at being unhappy when I'd look in the mirror. The odd thing is that it never really translated into me wanting to do anything about it. I'd go to the gym for a bit and then stop. I think that secretly I liked it because it gave more ammo to my self-loathing side, so I was sort of trapped.

Until the day came that I looked in the mirror and said "Whatever." I'm not morbidly obese. I'm okay with the way I look and while I would like to be a little slimmer, I'm alright with the body I have. And an amazing thing happened. I started running. I never did when I hated my body, but as soon as I accepted it, all the pressure to lose weight left and I figured I'd just try it.

So I've been running for about 8 months a few times a week and you know what? I hate running. Bet you thought I was going to say something else. I hate the dread of having to go run. I don't enjoy the running part. And I don't necessarily feel better physically for having done it. But I do feel a sense of accomplishment, akin to me dropping off the Netflix and getting the dry cleaning after work. And if that low sense of accomplishment allows me to stay marginally healthy, then that's fine.

So I run a 5K a year and it takes me about 6 months to train. The one I ran on Thanksgiving was cold and I was slow and made the mistake of pouring water on my head because I saw the people in marathons do it. I learned that you don't really do that when the temperatures are low. Sort of affects your running. Live and learn.

I'm going to go running today. I ran to CVS last night to get vitamins and when I was running back, it sounded like there was a maracas band behind me. Got a lot of odd looks. So if you're in DC and you see a guy stumbling around or leering at you. It's me without my glasses. Pay no attention to me. Unless I'm in the gutter. Then call someone .

A Tale of Three Christmases

2011-12-29T22:09:00.000-05:00

One of the blessings/curses of having divorced parents means dual holidays. Usually when the kids are younger, the parents do some sort of swap, like Dad's for Christmas and Mom's for Thanksgiving. I vividly remember getting gifts on Christmas morning that had to be put down at noon, because my Dad was there at 12:00 PM sharp. Ahhh...memories. So this December, I actually had three Christmases. Let's look at them, shall we?

Christmas #1: Mom and Stepfather

This is the house that I most identify Christmas with, having grown up there. Generally the home is full of Christmas music and Christmas cookies and egg nog. We did Secret Santa to cut down on costs, but everyone gets a stocking stuffer. I wasn't sure how this was going to turn out, but it turns out that stocking stuffers are often a lot cooler than actual presents. I got running headphones. My stocking stuffers included Gummy Bacon, a NYC survival guide, and assorted other useful things. We ended up giving out lots of gifts from ThinkGeek, like stuffed animals shaped like microbes and I gave my Step-Dad an F bomb. I thought it was a pretty cool gift. Tons of food and wine and laughs. Oh, and the pullout couch they recently got is muuuuch better than the last one.

Christmas #2: Dad and Stepmother

Given the fact that Allyson and I were leaving very early on Saturday morning, we did our Christmas with Mom on Christmas Eve and Christmas with Dad on the 23rd. Generally Christmas here consists of a poultry dish, wine and then gifts. The gifts are special, and not the good kind of special. Last year I got an IPad charger. I do not own an IPad. If I got this gift at the other house, I would believe that clearly an IPad would be the next gift. Not so much in this house. Having heard that my brother had gotten Spanx for Men, I was eagerly awaiting the spoils from this Christmas. Here is what I got this Christmas:

An assortment of Olive Oils: Not sure about why I got this. Allyson was pretty happy about it. I can barely make cereal, so these clearly won't be used by me.
Clinique Eye Care For Men: I got some sort of anti-wrinkle cream. Not sure again what the message was there.
A gift certificate for a local restaurant: I was pretty stoked about this actually. Looking forward to using it.
A charger for multiple devices: So this is pretty cool. I can charge two cell phones and a Kindle. However, it does say Ameriprise Financial on the front of it. So I'm guessing this was free.

I didn't get any Spanx though, so I've got that going for me.

Christmas #3: Allyson's Parents

Was airborne super early in the morning on Christmas Morning to the Sunshine State on a direct dawn flight from JFK to FLL. It was 80 degrees in Florida which was quite a shock, but I somehow managed to deal with it. :) We ate well, at our favorite restaurants, Publix, LaSpada's, Larry's Ice Cream. And they were kind enough to get me presents also. I got:

A Belt: I insist my belt is fine, but Allyson says it's looking a little shabby.
A Dunkin Donuts gift card: God bless these people who understand my need for coffee
A T-shirt: Its long-sleeved and I think makes me look a little hip.

I read the first Game of Thrones book on my Kindle Fire. Don't do it. You won't be able to stop. It's a problem. I also got to play bingo and eat a lot of amazing food.

All in all, it was a great Christmas. I am happy for the gifts I got, though I really don't need anything else. I've got health, love, friends and family. And apparently some anti-wrinkle cream. So that's pretty nice.

My Christmas Miracle

2011-12-25T16:12:00.000-05:00

Well, miracle might be a strong term. But as a born and raised New Yorker, I often have conflicted feelings when I go home. Both missing the city I knew and being bewildered and feeling distant from the city I encounter now. But over the past few days I've had some great reminders of why I love the city. However, my experience on Xmas morning really sealed the deal and made my year.

Due to cost concerns, my girlfriend Allyson and I had elected to take an 8:30 flight from JFK to Fort Lauderdale to hang out with her folks for a few days. Those in New York, understand that flying out of JFK is only second to Newark when it comes to convenience. Van Wyck, is Dutch, for traffic. Little known fact. So, we had to get a cab at 6:30 on Christmas Morning. Not as easy as it sounds.

We finally get a cab and immediately the driver asked where we were going and whether we had coffee yet and bagels to take to Florida. We sadly said we didn't have time. Then he replied "I got a place, it won't take any more time. Best bagels in the city." What a NY response. So we go to H&H Midtown and he waits in the taxi. Lest you think we're being gouged, it's a flat $45 to JFK from anywhere in Manhattan. I loved when he said, sometimes they fill the coffee up all the way, so take a few sips to make sure you don't spill. And then he asked if we needed more napkins. The grin on my butter covered chin was monstrous.

So he explains he's been driving a cab for 42 years and just retired down to Puerto Rico, but he had "anxiety" and couldn't take it so he came back 3 weeks ago. We were his first fare of the day. I mentioned I used to be a cop, and he said his brother was on the job in the 34 and got 3/4 disability. We talked about the crooks at Port Authority and we talked about how he bought a taxi medallion at 22 for $9,000 that is now worth over $700,000.

It was the best cab ride I've ever had. We just talked and he knew everything. When the cab ride ended, I gave him a 30% tip, because it was Christmas and he deserved it. Wally gave me a hug and cried as he wished me a Merry Christmas. I really hope I can get into his cab again.

Wally, don't retire again. Or retire here. New York needs you so that it can stay the New York that I know and love.

Merry Christmas Everybody.

5 Things

2011-11-29T22:19:00.001-05:00

Happy Tuesday. In light of my desire to catch up on stuff and also some important topical things happening, that you might have missed in your busy lives.

The Euro is in big trouble. Asides from the EU's open borders, the common currency is probably the biggest thing the group has done. That currency is in jeopardy due to things that my college roommate could explain a lot better than me. So, if you're like me and don't really understand the world of sovereign debt, JP Morgan explains it in Legos. If you want to read the article, I've linked it here.
Patrice O'Neal has died of complications following complications following a stroke he had in October. His last public appearance was on Charlie Sheen's roast. If I asked you who the best comic from Massachusetts, who would you say? If the words Dane Cook came out of your mouth, find the tallest structure where you're reading this and jump off it. Bill Burr and Patrice O'Neal are two of my favorite comics and they both hail from Boston. Below is one on my favorite clips from Patrice. Rest easy, big fella.

I ran my third 5K on Thanksgiving. So I am thankful that I didn't die. But allow me to tell you this, but if I can run a 5K, anyone can. One of the best things about it is that you will always run faster than someone else, be they morbidly obese or 100 years old. Passing people makes you feel like a rockstar. Also, don't be fooled by the small kids. They have tons of energy, but they don't understand pacing, so you will end up playing a yo-yo game with them all race. Most important, don't let any walkers pass you. That way you can wear your free t-shirt with pride.
Wegman's is my new favorite place. It's seriously the best grocery store ever. They're a Buffalo-based chain, and they are slowly making their way south. They have a whole side of pre-made food that you can eat in a cafe. Mine even is a singles hangout that has live music. Their store brand is terrific. So, watch out Massholes as there's one coming to Northborough.
Finally, as you probably do know, Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA) is retiring after this term. His sexual preference allowed for one of my favorite sayings I learned from my pal Steve. "I'm out like Barney Frank" which he would say when he had to depart. The best thing to come out of the news cycle today on this was the New York Times correction to their article.

Correction: November 28, 2011
An earlier version of the article called Mr. Frank the first openly gay member of Congress. He was the first member of Congress to voluntarily acknowledge he was gay.

Final Day in Budapest

2011-11-20T05:03:00.001-05:00

Readers,

I'd apologize for not blogging more. But I'm not really sorry. Very rarely while walking around, or being out at dinner, or cuddling in bed, did the words "I really should blog now" come out of my mouth. Alas, I thought I would write on our final day in the Pest. Technically I can say this, as we are on the Pest side. Tomorrow morning, Lufthansa takes us back to the Motherland at 6AM, before we get on a flight operated by Continited for the final leg home.

The last few days have seen bathing in the public baths, which really are quite awesome. Then we saw where they put all the communist statues after the communists were kicked out and then we saw the HQ of the Secret Police (both Nazi and Communist) Chuck, I did buy you something and it's on the way shortly.

Today we're going to check out Parliament and the Great Synagogue, second only in size to my personal favorite and site of many barmitzvahs, Temple Emanu-el in NYC. First though, to get some breakfast and a cappucino.

Coolest thing: A good friend of Ross's has a vineyard here and he had two bottles of wine dropped off at the hotel. So that's awesome. Sauska Vineyards. Funniest part was the guy called from downstairs and Allyson picked up the phone after 11 (We were watching Sons of Anarchy) and he kept saying in a whisper voice "I have your package." She thought it was a pervert. Thanks Christian!

Greetings from Pest

2011-11-17T17:07:00.001-05:00

So we're on our third night in Budapest. Our hotel is on the Pest side of the Danube. They just opened up their Christmas market right behind the hotel, which is really nice. I remember a similar one in Prague. Mulled wine always is a great treat. Tomorrow I'm going for a run along the Danube. Partly because I haven't run at all this week, but mostly so I can use the phrase "when I ran along the Danube" in conversation.

Interesting things about Hungary:

They've gotten the fuzzy end of the lollipop. Beaten by the Ottomans, choosing the wrong side in WWI and losing half of their country, siding with the Germans only to have them invade and kill all their Jews in WWII, and then to have the Russians introduce them to concrete as architecture and dreary propaganda
The escalators on their subway are really fast. And they work. Do you hear that Metro? They not only have escalators, but they are speedy. Odd that the capital of Hungary can get this right, but not the capital of the US.
At the Xmas market today, we bought some sort of pizza like thing except is was sour cream on warm dough with a topping. Allyson got sausage. I got cracklins, which is supposedly a Hungarian specialty. I loved it, and I hope to never find out what cracklins are.
It gets dark here really early. Like 4PM early. And cold. It's no wonder goulash is the national food. Cheap and hot.

Tomorrow is a tour of Memento Park to check out communist statues, and then a dip in the famous public baths. Oh, and tonight we went to a great place called the For Sale Bar where thousands of people have left business cards. I didn't have any of mine. But I added our names to my friend Chuck's. So if you see a Booz Allen card with the word "Blumpkins" written on it, that was me.

Day 1...or is it Day 2?

2011-11-15T03:14:00.000-05:00

So currently sitting in the Munich Airport at the Lufthansa Senator Lounge, which is their lounge. Allow me to geek out here for a second and say that international lounges are far superior to those in the United States. Most everything is self-service, which means you get treated like an adult. And they have real food. The snacks at US Air's Clubs make me feel like lining up for feed time to get some Sun Chips. Star Alliance Gold status is awesome when traveling internationally.

Allyson and I are on the way to Budapest. Lots of people ask why Budapest. And quite simply, the dates worked and the airfare worked. I used Starwood points for the hotel, which is supposed to be pretty swanky. We're waiting for our connection to Budapest which isn't for about 2 hours. And we already took showers. Because we're ballers. Nothing makes you feel more refreshed than a shower when you land. God bless excess.

More from Hungary soon.

Saturday Thoughts

2011-11-05T19:56:00.001-04:00

As I sit in the US Air Club in the Philadelphia Airport, waiting for my tin can to leave for DCA, I had some thoughts. Not that anyone hopefully is home and reading this at 8PM.

When on a plane, don't mention things you learn from airport firefighters. The guy in the seat behind me asked why they had to close their shades for takeoff and landing. The FA said it was airline policy. I turned around and said it was so that firefighters could see where the fire and injuries were, so they could use the piercing nozzle correctly and put out the fire.
Never get into the game with your partner of "who cares less," which sounds a lot like this song by Ben Folds Five. Eventually you both play bad cop enough to make the other person really think you don't care, when in fact all you're trying to do is make the other person care. The result is two people disconnected, which is a little awkward.
Bailey's and coffee is genius. Even though I drink decaf now because Allyson says I have the "jimmy leg" which I think is a made up term, it still tastes like warm heaven. Thank you, booze gods, for making my body more flexible before I get onto the worst plane in the history of the world. And one, mind you, that doesn't even stop at a gate at DCA. I have to take a bus. The most inhuman of all transportation.

The same and yet not

2011-10-30T11:51:00.001-04:00

I returned to my alma mater, Vassar College, this past Friday to see my freshman year roommate speak on a career panel. It also provided an opportunity to show Allyson where I went to college. I went to my 5-year reunion and then skipped the 10 year. So this was my first time back in a while. There are a few things that had changed at my fair school.

The Dutch Cabin, which was the nearest bar to campus and had terrific mexican food, has closed, and has been replaced by Billy Bob's Barbeque. The Dutch was never a Vassar bar, in fact there were probably more kids from Marist or the CIA there. But I had some great times there. And to have it replaced by some schlock barbeque place is a crying shame. I'm betting it won't last.
The Mug no longer serves alcohol. The Mug was an on-campus bar that was in the basement of the college center. A dark, dank place that saw many hook-ups begin with Shaggy singing while people grinded. However, this hot passion was fueled by alcohol. Ironically, the bar used to be managed by students also, but soon the college required that they were hemorrhaging money. So Aramark took over the management and got rid of pitchers and made other changes. So the college apparently realized that there was a liability to having a college-owned and operated bar, so they stopped serving alcohol. And now it's just a dance club. But one with far less love.
Campus Patrol no longer patrols. Vassar had a student job that allowed students to basically be extra security on paths and around the campus. The group was a special lot that gave each other nicknames and prized jackets. Apparently, Res Life found out that the students didn't have any oversight and were signing their own checks, and took them over. They are now inside the dorm sitting as desks. No more running with maglites....

But the thing that struck me most about being back was how connected I felt to the campus and how disconnected I felt from the students. They looked and seemed so young. It really was like entering a bubble. A beautiful and expensive bubble, but a bubble nonetheless.

Go Brewers....

Biggie didn't really wish he was poor.

2011-10-25T23:53:00.000-04:00

In 1997, Notorious BIG released a rap song called "Mo Money, Mo Problems." That fine work can be viewed here. (And I don't know if you get the Pooh ad in the beginning, but I think it's awesome)

So I'm not sure what Biggie really knows what he's talking about. It's like when parents tell the kids that they'd love to go to school if the kids would go to work. School is much harder than work. No one pushes you into a locker at work, and no one assigns me homework that has no point.

I thought of this as my debit card was declined tonight. Note: If my parents are reading this blog, please do not call me or send me a check. I make good money. $85,000 a year. And what I do isn't really work, like roofing in the summer or being a septic tank cleaner. So where the crap does it all go. Let's see....

Rent: $750, now that I'm living with Allyson
Student Loans: $362
Car loan: $307
Insurance (Renters and Car): $87.25
Gym: $69
Cable: $100
Phone: $80
Shrink: $280

And that's basically all my big bills, which total up to.......$2035 a month. This essentially leaves me with a whole paycheck to spend on food, alcohol, anything really. Yet the only way I save money is through payroll deduction to my 401K or by direct deposit to my ING Direct account. Are there things in the above list that could be knocked off the list. I could get a worse cable package, and I could cancel my gym membership and I could get a cheaper phone plan. But most of it is stuff that's mandatory or is stuff that keeps me sane.

And while I could get paid more to alleviate some of this, I have no doubt that I would simply adjust my standard of living to meet my new income level. It happens insidiously. I was talking with a good friend about how she lived in Boston for $30,000 when she first moved. She did admit she ate only oatmeal for the whole summer. But the idea of eating ramen noodles seems kind of nuts when my salary puts me in the 74th percent of wealth in this country.

I think about how lucky I am to have what I do, from my family and friends, to my girlfriend, to my worldly possessions. And I think if I''m bouncing checks at a bar, how hard up must people be who are really hurting. It puts it all in perspective. But it still doesn't change the fact that I've got 9 days until payday. Good thing I can eat fluffernutters all the time.

Anybody else amazed at how little you save or is it just me?

Mortality and Meat Packing

2011-10-13T23:33:00.000-04:00

I was told last week that my cousin Susan's husband died of a massive heart attack. They lived in Appleton, Wisconsin and had three children. He was 44 and a really terrific guy. So I flew into Milwaukee, met my brother who lived there and drove up. My other brother flew in from Columbus, Ohio. People were grateful we came, but it didn't really occur to me not to go. Maybe it was because he was so young, or that it was all so sudden, but I just felt I should be there.

The service was done at the funeral home. Paul was cremated and his ashes were placed in a box that his children helped make and decorate. It had their three handprints on it and "We love you Daddy" written on it. That was hard. But not as hard as seeing the kids have to be taken out halfway through the service with tears in their eyes.

Wisconsin is a pretty Catholic state I realized. The signs that all said "Friday Fish Fry" outside the bars were a good hint. The memorial ceremony was a Catholic one, but without communion. I have been to a bunch of Catholic funerals as a police officer, so I knew the drill. I even took communion at them, so I didn't stick out. It turns out I'm apparently going to burn in eternal hell for that.

And as I sat and listened to the priest deliver the homily and sing the psalms, I had a thought. I don't like Catholic ceremonies. In fairness, I was baptised Protestant (I think) and grew up going to Unitarian Sunday School, so I guess that's the religion that I identify with most. The only time I usually go to church is around Christmas to the one near my parent's place because they have live animals in the pagent.

But unsurprisingly I suppose, Catholic funerals are all about God. God didn't make this happen, but don't worry because the deceased is with God now. God is love and all you need to do is look to God to feel better and be made whole. The grieving family is told that they should look to friends for comfort, but really the Holy Trinity are the ones who will bring you the most comfort.

I call bullshit. Sure, many may turn to God and say that it's his will. Or that now they get to hang out with their parents or kids or whatever. But I think that's all just a way of putting your happiness and thoughts in someone else's hands. Very religious. Don't worry about anything. It's all God's plan. So just relax and be a good person, and Heaven is going to be awesome. Here's what I would have said at the front of that room:

"Paul left us far too soon. And it hurts. And it's not fair. And there is no way to spin this so it makes sense or makes the pain go away. But that pain isn't a bad thing. It's Paul. It's his memory. It's our sadness at losing an amazing person. So we mourn and we cry and we ache. And we live with that for awhile. And then time passes and the brain moves to other things, because it needs to protect us from hurting so much. And yet, as it does that, we catch ourself feeling guilty that we're not thinking of the person or not feeling those "carpe diem" moments like we did right after their death.

So how do we reconcile our sadness and our inevitable moving on. We honor that person. I think everyone that has kids should teach them something that exemplifies Paul. And let them know where it came from. Change your behavior or influence others so that the person lives on in you. Then you don't have to worry about not thinking about them, because there's a piece of them in you at all times."

I had a friend from college, Erin Schlather, die at 26. And one of the things I loved about Erin was how she could listen to you and make you feel like you were the only one in the room, no matter how loud it was or how many people were around. She would lock eyes and just listen, not hear, but listen to you. And I have tried to copy that as best I can when I listen to people. I'll never lose Erin. She's a part of me.

Goodbye Paul. I'll carry you with me too. Thanks for giving yourself to me.

We're Here. We Sneer. Get Used to It.

2011-10-03T20:18:00.001-04:00

So most people have heard of the Occupy Wall Street protest which is comprised of about 500 core protesters that have taken over Liberty Plaza in downtown Manhattan to protest....everything it seems. The main issue seems to be the anger with fat cat bankers. But overall, I think Wall Street is just a geographic place that the protestors can go to vent their anger about income inequality, their lack of a voice in politics, our position in the war and so on.

The group has copied the organizational structure of the Arab Spring uprisings. It's a headless group that is like a collective and makes decisions using committees and strict representational democracy. There's also an Occupy the Fed movement which is more of a libertarian thing happening concurrently and sort of related. You can see live footage of the Occupy Wall Street peeps here.

The big question is: What do they want? And the group says it's not about that, but that's exactly what it's about. If this is the lefty version of the Tea Party, then they need to push for things. They need to prove that they vote. For as much as they want this to be like V is for Vendetta, it can't be. We'll need to make the process change either through legislation or capitalism. Legislation means that this collective needs to find candidates that speak for them and get them elected. I'm not a huge fan of this, because this will make Congress, and this sounds crazy, but even more divided than it is now.

Of course, if they want to try through capitalism and either boycott certain companies or work to educate others about writing to their Congressman. See, this is really an image problem. The Occupy Wall Street people are for income equality, and for consumer protection and for lowering the debt and for letting their kids have the same opportunities they did. So why can't we all get along? Well probably because it's hard for middle America to connect with these people who aren't showering and protesting against the cops and using IPhones to tweet instantly. Not that I'm judging any of this, but this isn't going to make people feel closer. Nor are the Free Mumia signs. That's not what we're talking about. And besides, he's a killer. Rest in Peace, Danny Faulkner.

Also, there's a lot of press about the NYPD's handling of these protestors. Some seem to be outraged by these strong arm tactics, like locking up the protestors from the Brooklyn Bridge. In the video, it's clear that the supervisor is telling them they could be arrested. The crowd is so loud, it's hard to hear the guy, but whose fault is that? Should they be required to get louder speakers if the crowd is large? I don't think so. I'd just like to say that when the cops move on the protestors, that decision is made by guys much higher up than those in blue shirts.

The Power and Humility of Spectacles

2011-09-25T12:38:00.000-04:00

So I've been running a few days a week for this whole Couch to 5K thing. It's pretty cool and it's not that taxing. It also allows me to work out three times a week and feel somewhat satisfied. So normally I run with my glasses on until I sweat too much and then I put them in my pocket. But late last week, I put them in my pocket and now there is probably some mentally unstable homeless person in Dupont Circle wearing some dashing specs. He better hope he has near sightedness in his right eye and far sightedness in his left eye, poor bastard.

So I was without glasses for the first time in a long time, and I realized that glasses can make you feel like you're 5 years old. First, when you come in from the cold and your glasses fog up, thus making you look like an idiot. Second, when you lose them and you can't see anything. I like to imagine that famous men who wore glasses also have misplaced them, and looked foolish. Like Jesus turning wine into water while squinting, and people throwing rocks at him. Or Einstein* getting electrocuted while flying the kite because he misplaces his eyeglasses.

So I went yesterday to Lenscrafters and was again totally bewildered. Choosing glasses is impossible. They all seem to look the same after awhile. Thank God Allyson was there with my to tell me what looked okay. Lenscrafters also has this screen that takes photos of you in 4 pairs of glasses for you to compare. It really works. So I chose a pair. Does anyone knows how much glasses cost? I'm not talking the lenses, but the frames. The thing that holds the actual medical devices to allow you to see were $290.

Because my eyes are so screwed, the glasses will take two weeks. You know how Lenscrafters says you can get glasses in about an hour? I'm clearly the about part.

* My friend Nicole, who recently moved from Philadelphia, reminded me that it was Ben Franklin who actually flew the kite to test electricity. But I like to think that he looks like Einstein if you're not wearing your glasses.

The 9/11 Post

2011-09-11T19:26:00.000-04:00

So in thinking about this post, I looked back at previous posts. It turns out that 5 years ago, I wrote a post bemoaning the fact that people didn't think of this day like they should have. And then after that I just posted photos of people and remembered.

So this year, the 10th anniversary, I put on the NYPD bike shirt, a stylish shirt with patches on both sleeves and reflective letters reading out "NYPD" on the back. And I went to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial at Judiciary Square and just sat. I sat down and remembered. Not only those officers who we lost on 9/11, but also those we lost after. I feel a special connection to Moira Smith, as I heard her put over the 10-13 in the rubble, and that has always made me feel closer to her, even though we never met and I only saw her daughter on the day that she was awarded the Medal of Honor.

I cried. For awhile. For a bunch of reasons . Survivor guilt, sadness, and also the memories of that day. And I thought about all of them, including James Godbee and Bobby Grossman who we lost later, after breathing in the air at Ground Zero. God I miss those guys. I then met up with friends and my girlfriend for beers at a local bar. My NYPD shirt didn't get a second look, and I think that would have bothered me a few years ago. And I've realized something important over these past years.

It's not about me.

I miss my friends and I will never forget them. Even though remembering parts of that day are harder and harder for me, it doesn't mean I wasn't there. I am so proud to have worn the same uniform as my fallen brothers and sisters. When asked later in life, what job I most identify myself with, there's no doubt that the NYPD is it. Best people I've ever worked with.

I hope that wherever you are, you're surrounded by love. And that you realize that you are special. If not, email me and I'll tell you how special you are. We honor their memory by toasting them and being phenomenal people.

How to handle 9/11

2011-09-10T15:01:00.001-04:00

So it's currently 9/10/2011. Tomorrow, of course is the 10th Anniversary of 9/11. And I called my friend Caleb a few weeks ago and asked what he was doing for 9/11, and he paused and said he hadn't thought of it like that. I guess it is weird to ask people what they're doing for that day, like it was Labor Day weekend or something like that.

But I guess it makes sense to me as I knew I was going to do something different that day. I suppose that I've always thought that 9/11 was different. And as I left New York for Boston and then now for DC, I felt somewhat distant when people aren't as connected to that day as I am.

Don't get me wrong. I don't go to the public ceremonies of remembrance on that day. I think that people do most of their personal remembering and thinking in small groups and not large ceremonies. It always made me feel out of place though, when people would be bothered by dumb work shit on 9/11 or like today, seeing all the girls with their huge sunglasses at brunch. I was thinking that those girls will be back tomorrow morning to talk about their Saturday night exploits without a second thought about what happened 10 years ago. Of course, for many of them, they were barely in high school probably.

So tomorrow, I'm planning on going to the Law Enforcement Memorial in the morning. I'm going to wear my NYPD bike shirt, just because I feel like wearing my colors. Granted, it's probably illegal to wear a uniform shirt when you're not an active officer, but I'm not really thinking anyone will care tomorrow. After spending some time at the memorial and thinking about the events of that day and those after it, I'm going to find a bar. There's a place that's a bar that does brunch, but should be pretty quiet. Well, as quiet as a bar that on the first Sunday of football can be. I'm mostly just looking to avoid people eating doing "brunch" on 9/11.

But I think that people will remember that day in a variety of different ways. Memorials, ceremonies, etc. My friend is going to the see the Giants take on the Redskins at FedEx Field, which I think is an equally good way to celebrate the City of New York. For while 9/11 is a memory of a horrible scar on the city, it's also a celebration of the city that it was right after that terrible day. So overpaying for beer and screaming on the boys in blue is quite appropriate.

I think some people won't think twice about 9/11 tomorrow unless it's jammed down their throat by Facebook messages or CNN. But others will need no reminding and will find their own way to mourn and celebrate the events of 10 years ago. And those are the people that I'll raise a glass to, tomorrow afternoon.

Early Morning Travel

2011-09-07T08:37:00.003-04:00

So this morning, I'm on the way to Atlanta very early. One of the reasons it's so early is that I needed to connect in Charlotte, where I currently am. Now, Delta has a direct flight which takes two hours, but I'm not a Delta frequent flyer. I'm a US Air flyer. And I need all of my miles in order to get to 50,000 by November which is when the girlfriend and I go to Budapest. And 50,000 miles puts me at Star Alliance Gold, and lounge access through Europe. So that's why I have time to blog this morning. Here are a few early morning thoughts:

When I left DCA, it was rainy and very foggy. The top of the Washington Monument was even obscured by fog. But within 3 minutes of our taking off, we broke through the cloud layer and were in crystal blue skies. I love that. Its nice to remember that even in the worst weather, it's beautiful just above.
I'm at the US Airways lounge, which I have access to through my Amex Platinum Card. It grants access to US, Delta, and American lounges when flying those airlines. And the TV is showing Headline News. I don't like CNN. I find it to be a network with lots of gimmicks and not much heart. But CNN Headline News is terrible. I think when CNN used to have stories of substance and length, Headline News was designed to give you the important news quickly and continuously.

However, with CNN in a 30-second news cycle itself, that turns Headline News into some sort of ADD paradise with stories in 15 seconds, pop music and over the top hosts. This woman, who is some sort of spawn of perky hucksterism and vapid USA Today journalism, could report on a school bus fire with a smile and then pass it to Tony with the weather. No Robin, I won't tweet you a hello that I will hope you read on air. I have....what's that word...dignity. Headline News is the terrible.

I'm off to find a Starbucks to find my latest new thing. Iced Quad Venti. This is four shots of espresso in a large cup, filled to the top with ice. You pour milk to the top to finish it off. It's around $3.50 and it's a jolt in the morning. I must thank my old partner Will for this find. My fear of course is that if not taken in some moderation, I will eventually need 5 shots.

Photo of Canary Wharf in London courtesy of the Daily Mail.

2011-09-03T03:29:00.002-04:00

I'm currently in Burlington, Vermont, working at the recently moved Vermont EOC. The original EOC is inaccessible due to flooding. So I'm working on the midnight shift and it's pretty slow. So I found this headline.

Man accused of having sex with pool raft had also violated inflatable pumpkin

I think there's nothing more I need to say about that.

See the story here....

Updated

This is the face of a pool/pumpkin lover.....

Good Morning

2011-08-28T13:17:00.000-04:00

So as the sun broke on the District this morning, my air conditioner was blowing freezing cold air and the sun was shining. I put my feet down on the floor and they didn't get wet, so I'm alright. I think the hurricane passed without much to do.

I might be headed down to Virginia for work today. Rented my SUV and I should be all set. I'm glad to see that New York City is not underwater.

Hurricane Watch LiveBlog

2011-08-27T09:00:00.012-04:00

I thought it would be kind of fun to do a live blog like other actual news sites, even though I don't know what I'm doing.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

8:58 AM: All is quiet here. The Starbucks is apparently doing good business and my air conditioner is keeping my apartment like a meat locker, just the way I like it. I'm closely monitoring the storm down in the Hampton Roads area, where I've done work and have some friends. I hope they do alright.

9:48: Just returned from Starbucks. You can smell the desperation and the fear in the long line that people might be without their passionfruit lemonade or no-whip, half-caf, sugar-free mocha for 16 hours or more. God knows what people are going to do without Sunday brunch? The rending of the garments has begun. Also stopped by the ATM bolted into the pizza place to get cash. I realize that I might need gold in the post-landfall environment, but cash will have to do. I also realize that my card could have been skimmed and is now being used in Albania, but I'm okay with that.

9:50: Stiff breeze for about 14 seconds at 16th St. and U St. NW, I'm pretty sure Pepco dropped 12,000 customers right then.

10:52: I realized I took out $150 and spent $9 at Starbucks. I'm not very good at this preparedness. But I am caffeinated. Also, my friend who lives literally a block north of me as lost power, and there's still no rain. This does not bode well. Oh, and there's some jackass named Mike Seidel who reports from The Weather Channel and he's standing on Nag's Head beach getting pelted with sand. He's clearly the dumbest man I know, and I hope that Darwin takes care of him.

11:35: The rain has begun. God have mercy on all our souls.

12:23: It occurs to me that if we do lose power, this blog will go kaput. So if I don't post for a few hours, that means I'm looking for the fattest people in my building to eat. Which reminds me of the awesome South Park episode where they get snowed in and Jimbo wants to resort to cannibalism because he wants a snack.

12:30: The weather bunny on our NBC affiliate was on a remote shoot and said she felt stupid standing out there without any rain, but she's glad now that the rain has picked up. We're getting some harder rain, but apparently not enough to stop soccer tryouts in Pentagon City. Clearly this storm is terrifying people.

1353: There are reports of roving gangs in polo shirts looting stores in Georgetown for brown flip-flops. Also, this hurricane is a flop so far. It's raining but I'm going to probably hit the store for beer later.

1458: Going out for a drink at the local bar and maybe a bite. You know what the worst thing about this hurricane is? There is no good TV on. I mean seriously? Everyone is indoors. Points to the naked guys in Virginia Beach though. One love.

1740: Back from the bar. It's good to know that you can get a great bocadillo at a nice bar that is still open. Also we had hurricanes, which are sooo funny to have during a hurricane. Very meta. Now back home, though the rain has picked up with the wind a bit. I think we'll still go out tonight, because in a city you only need to walk two blocks to drink and eat.

1918: The Starbucks has closed early, probably for the "safety" of their "staff." I think we've hit full panic mode now. Even though the rain still doesn't seem that bad. You know what I found out tonight, there is some bad TV on. Like Community, for example.

2039: We have ordered chinese food for delivery. I think we did it just to test the fortitude of the local asian community. I love living in a city. In the country, you probably wouldn't get delivery in a hurricane, though granted this feels mainly like a Noreaster.

2233: We also ordered Uno's. I'm toying with the idea of testing the fortitude of the delivery community over the course of the hurricane. Also, the NYT has a current headline that reads "Wall of Water Rushes Toward NYC" I'm sure this headline either scares people or makes them into disbelievers. A lot of people wonder how Battery Park can flood. It's called storm surge and the short explanation is as follows:

Water is pushed just like the air. And so the water gets pushed towards the shore, which is okay when the water is deep, but as it gets closer to the shore, the land rises and pushes the water up and over the land. Here's a cool animated graphic to show it. There are also SLOSH (Sea, Lake and Overland Surge to Hurricanes) maps for coastal jurisdictions. Here is the report on NYC's vulnerability to hurricanes. The city has a bight which makes it particularly susceptible.

Sunday August 28, 2011

0030: Watched two movies on Netflix. The rain is expected to continue and thousands of people are out of power. I'm turning in. Hopefully my air conditioner runs faithfully through the night and I can update you that I haven't floated away. But so far, so good. Goodnight Irene.

On the Sidelines

2011-08-27T08:57:00.000-04:00

So it's Saturday morning, and I just went for a run at around 7:45 AM. I hate running. And I love sleeping. Indeed, the idea of leaving my beautiful girlfriend in the bed while I go sweat outside seems highly counter-intuitive. But running clears my head. And I'm distracted and couldn't sleep. And it was a woman that had me all wrapped up. This woman.....

Yes, Hurricane Irene has me feeling down. Not because I'm scared of losing electricity or my roof falling off. Though our power company is so awful it's like their Satan's Electricians. If you see the track of the storm, not only does it pass over my current city of Washington, DC, but it also passes over the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, for whom I used to work. And right now, I'd be 40 feet underground in a Cold War bunker west of Boston, preparing for landfall with a bunch of other people. But instead, I'm sitting sweating on my couch.

This is the first time in my professional career that I've not had a position that is working when other people aren't. Living in Massachusetts, I never had to worry about my power going out or having enough food during Noreasters or blizzards. Because where I would be was powered by huge Cat generators and there was always food 24 hours a day. Don't get me wrong, I'm engaged in storm activities at my current job, but it's different. It's about getting business and not helping people, though I suppose some could frame it as getting people's business will be helping them. But I can't.

Even in DC, I want to know how where the city floods and how many boats we have and what the power outages are. Although I should give Satan's Electricians credit for telling you in great detail where their customers are burning them in effigy. I see I have neighbors out already. This does not bode well, considering it's not yet started to rain.

I want to be in a room with no windows and glowing plasma screens and terrible coffee. And I want to sleep on an aerobed for 4 hours and consider myself well-rested. I want to brief the Governor and have him know my name and trust my thoughts, because I had all that. And it's hard sitting on the sidelines.

I need to get back in...

I am Norwegian and I am sad

2011-07-23T17:58:00.000-04:00

To the four people who read this blog, I'm sure you don't read it for news. If you did, you would probably not know that we're at war or that the Arab Spring happened. So I'm sure people know about the tragedy in Norway. Currently the death toll stands at 92, with over 80 of those being children gunned down at a summer camp by a guy dressed as a police officer. Now I have plenty of thoughts about the fact that because this guy is white, no one seems to be calling him a terrorist, but I'll save that for later.

Now I'd just like to say that this day is probably akin to 9/11 in Norway, except there won't be tons of Americans waving Norwegian flags or leaving flowers and posters at embassies and consulates. And that saddens me. As we approach the 10th anniversary of a terrible day in our history, where the world stood with us and we are so insulated as a nation, people care more about the NFL season going through, much less thinking of outward displays of solidarity with the people of Norway.

Well I was there at 9/11. I dug through the pile and I stood down there and remember all of it. And I remember the English Bobbies of the Met lined up in full dress uniform to pay respects, and firehouses all over the world draped in black bunting. And I want to tell Norway, that today I am Norwegian, and I am with you. You are not alone and we do remember our friends.

God bless you. You'll get through this. We always do.

The Weekend Your Primary Care Physician Warned You About

2011-07-17T21:42:00.000-04:00

So this weekend, I flew to Columbus to meet up with my brother Ross and continue on our epic quest to win a satin jacket from a bar by drinking 100 beers in one year. The three brothers started this quest in January, which was designed to coincide with visits to visit our 2 year old niece who lives in Colum time, bus where my brother teaches at OSU. However this time, the family is in China where Broxton has been doing research on lakes. So, with our beer count at 37, Ross and I decided to fly out to Columbus, stay at a hotel nearby one of the bars, and get it down. So lets get down to the numbers, shall we?

Number of miles traveled: 646 miles
Number of beers imbibed: 30 (actually 32 if you count the airport bar waiting for Ross to show up)
Number of sprained ankles: 1 (Ross thought he was Superman)
Current Beer Total: 67
Numbers of Baconaters consumed: 1
Number of plush toys won in the claw game: 2

So I don't advise you to do this. Drinking 30 beers doesn't seem like a lot, but these are not Miller Lites. These beers are Belgian and English and have names like Tripel and Doublebock. Drinking for two days straight and missing daylight, which while necessary to the task at hand, is not for the feint of heart. And I will never be doing that again. I can't even look at beer.

It's a good thing that I have a lovely family out there, because it gives us reasons to slow down and drink leisurely. I'm flying out to Atlanta tomorrow for work. I am going to sleep the Odin sleep tonight.

Saturday Saturday Saturday!!!

2011-07-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

So this Saturday found me at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore for Monster Truck Jam. I got these tickets through Goldstar which is like Groupon for events, shows and other stuff. I am a large fan. Anyway, when I saw they were available, I immediately snatched them up and sent an email to all my DC friends to the effect of "ZOMG! Monster Truck Fest! Let's all go!" And you know what? Not that many people in my friend circle are apparently into monster trucks.

I did wrangle another couple to come with my gf and I and we had a great time. I learned a lot. Here are some highlights.

There was a lot more diversity than I thought there was going to be. I was expecting mullets and guinea T's, but it turns out that every race's kids apparently like watching giant trucks drive over things. Except the asians. Probably too busy studying...
Some people actually follow this stuff and individual drivers, which is kind of sad because while I understand that it can't be easy to drive a giant truck over a bus, I'm pretty sure it involves more luck than skill.
Grave Digger is very big. Last night, there were three Grave Diggers

Grave Digger (The original apparently)
Grave Digger Legend (Oddly not the original)
Son of a Digger (Not making this up. Driven by the son of the guy driving Grave Digger)

So that was a little strange because you figure there's a much better chance of one of them winning, since there's three of them.

Feld Entertainment, owners of Ringling Brothers, also runs this event around the country and....owns Grave Digger. So I would imagine they have a lot more invested in one of the 45 Grave Diggers winning, to increase t-shirt sales
The drivers are all very, very thankful for the crowd, as they yell into the microphone over and over again. One of them even called Baltimore a mini Las Vegas. Which tells me that this guy hasn't been to either Vegas or Baltimore. If you Google Image Search for Baltimore here are the two cities. Which one would you rather visit?

So you can see the similarity. All in all, it was a good time. Loud and different. Though the announcer, who was like the Mean Gene Okerlund of monster trucks, was a buffoon who kept telling people how excited they should be that we were going to be on Speed TV

My final thought is that when the trucks crash in spectacular fashion, everyone loves it, but before the crowd can get concerned for the driver, this truck with lights flashing comes out. I thought it was a fire crew truck, but then some dude started shooting T-shirts out of the bed of it. You would have thought they were UN Food Shipments in Haiti. Mind Boggling.

Sundays

2011-06-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

I got a Groupon or Living Social deal for two months of Sunday delivery of the Washington Post. And I love it. Not probably enough to actually order it without a discount, but you never know. As a sidebar, I think the fact that I can't remember whether it was a Groupon or a Living Social deal probably doesn't bode well for their branding.

Anyway, it reminded me of college where on Sundays, we would go get brunch and all gather around the tables and someone would buy the Times (or more likely you'd find spare copies left) and we'd read and pass sections around. They even had a guy playing on the piano. Looking back on it, I'm reminded once again of how awesome college was. I wonder if in the future the kids will all have their heads buried in their tablets, which is slightly depressing. But maybe it's not.

Sunday is the day of rest and I think its probably the only day that everyone, religious or not, listens to God. It literally is a day where they shifted a whole meal period at least 4 hours later and added alcohol. As an aside, I hate brunch. I find it annoyingly filled with lots of people who have brown flip-flops on their feet and sunglasses on the back of their head. Besides, I like eating breakfast at a diner stool for about $6. The idea that people regularly pay three times that for basically the same food seems ridiculous.

Blurgh....

2011-06-22T08:11:00.000-04:00

I have now realized why a red-eye is a red-eye. I slept probably for around 3 hours or so on the flight from San Francisco to Charlotte. I'm going to be totally useless today. Which is unfortunate as I have a training to give in 5 hours.

The Treatment Excuse

2011-06-13T17:17:00.001-04:00

So in the long amount of time that has passed since blog posts, there was a scandal that everyone knows about. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) was busted texting and using social media to flirt with women all around the country. Single mothers, blackjack dealers, college students, and apparently a 17 year old in Delaware. The bizarre thing is that the interactions all went the same way, from 5 mph to 88 mph.

Random Girl: Hey!! OMG You are the coolest rep ever. Way to stick it to the Republicans!!!
Weiner: Thanks. What are you doing?
RG: Hanging out. About to make dinner
W: About to make dinner naked?

Everyone is outraged. Liberals, conservatives. And Weiner is taking a leave of absence and entering treatment. This is what pisses me off. I'm not exactly sure what treatment he's going to get, but I'm guessing some form of therapy.

I've been in therapy for most of my adult life. Starting when I was a kid and my parents got divorced and put me into therapy I think to assuage their guilt that they might screw me up. Didn't work, mostly because 50 minutes a week doesn't negate all the crap that your kids witness and get the rest of the week. I've had good therapists and bad therapists, but the fact of the matter is that therapy is work and it takes time to identify patterns and histories and to work to change those you can and to accept those you can't. And being self-aware can suck. It results in much more thinking and processing and sometimes you just wish you could float through life. Though I know that in the long run, its better to work through this all before it squeezes out later in life.

So with all that being said, Weiner knew what he was doing was wrong. He could have sought therapy at any point in the last 3 years to talk about it with someone and identify why he was doing that, what it did for him and what he could do to try and change it. Instead he got caught in a really bad way and is entering treatment, which could be meds or therapy. But either way, it takes time. It's taken me over a decade to get at issues that are much less acute than Weiner's, so he could be in "treatment" for awhile. Or maybe he could be as lucky as Ted Haggard who went from gay to straight in 3 weeks. Maybe I should see those people for 50 minutes a week.

The fact is that therapy takes real work and dedication. When celebrities or politicians get caught doing something untoward and then enter treatment, it tells people that you don't have to work on the problem before it explodes. Which, to use a term not in the DSM-IV, is bullshit.

Memorial Day

2011-05-30T11:43:00.001-04:00

Given that this is Memorial Day, I'd like to take a little bit of time today to highlight the sacrifice of those we're supposed to be remembering. There was an article in the now defunct Rocky Mountain Times from 2008 that won the Pulitzer. It's called "Final Salute, written by Jim Sheeler, and details the story of a Marine Corps Casualty Assistance Officer. This is the position that is the liaison between the deceased's family and the military.

Click here for the article.

Here is the pulitzer prize winning photo set.

I know nobody reads newspapers anymore, but articles like this think that maybe we should.

Have a happy and safe day, everybody.

Photo courtesy of Todd Heisler

Capitol Limited: West Virginia

2011-05-21T18:00:00.000-04:00

Greetings from Martinsville, West Virginia. Of course, the town is actually rolling by me right now. I'm sitting in a Sleeper car with my girlfriend Allyson and it's a little tight. We're essentially in two seats facing each other with a big picture window and some hooks for clothing. It's called a Roomette, which you can tell by the suffix means its pretty small.

The Lounge car is pretty cool. It has panoramic seats. We have 7 PM reservations in the dining car, which I'm looking forward to. So far most of the passengers seem to be tourists from the UK and seniors. I'll write more in a bit. It's rude to type on the computer when you're 2 feet from another person who's looking right at you.

Best Week for Kids with Aspergers

2011-05-20T00:11:00.001-04:00

I think the only person who might know what week this is would be my friend Nicole, who is a child psychologist who works with autistic kids. It's National Transportation Week. Even the President says so. So I have some transportation posts this week, and by week I mean Thursday through Sunday. I've been playing LA Noire nonstop since I got it and it's essentially taken over my life.

So most people know about Zipcar. It's a car sharing program that allows you to basically borrow a car for an hourly fee to run errands to see people. Zipcar takes care of the insurance and the gas. They'll even pay you if you wash the car. And they're parked all over the place. Well, last fall DC got this concept for bikes. It's called Capital Bikeshare and it has changed my life.

Allow me to be honest. I think the last time I rode my bike was in high school. I'm pretty sure I haven't ridden a bicycle since then. As a New Yorker, you pretty much walk or take mass transit. And as a cop and then a Masshole, I ended up driving most places. But when these bright red bikes started appearing all over DC, and they had a yearly rate of $50 for a limited time, I jumped on it. I thought, even if I don't ride it, I'll support it.

They give you this cool little RFID fob that you place inside a bike dock, which looks like this:

And then you hear a little bike bell ring, the light turns green and you remove the bike from the dock. The first 30 minutes are free. And then it's $1.50 for the next 30 minutes and like $3 for the next 30 minutes, steadily increasing as the time goes on. They tell you flat out that this is not meant for bike tours. This system is designed to run down to the grocery store, or to ride 6 minutes to your girlfriend's apartment. In my 8 months of using the system, I've gone over 30 minutes once. Some people are compulsive about it and end up docking and undocking their bikes mid-journey to restart the clock, but I don't really mind giving to a good cause. Besides, my out of shape ass can't tolerate more than 60 minutes on a bicycle.

My first time riding to work, I remember pedaling down this hill towards Dupont Circle and I had this huge grin on my face and I think I actually screamed out "Wheee" which I'm sure got some looks. But it just brought me right back to that joy of speed that you reveled in as a child.

The system has become wildly popular, which has it's ups and downs. On the upside, more people are biking which is good for the roads because it increases awareness and drivers get more accustomed to seeing bikes and sharing space. It also proves that this concept works , which wasn't a foregone conclusion given the last experiment in the district. And the downside is that it can be harder to find a bike when you want one, especially because all the traffic flows south in the mornings to the government buidings and then north in the evenings to the residential areas. Also, there's a bunch of rubes pedaling around without helmets on their cellphones, so they could use some socialization as well.

I think that Capital Bikeshare is a definite perk of living in DC and it has changed the way I look at traveling short distances, because biking is always more fun and always faster. It's coming to Boston this summer, and I hope my former neighbors have as much fun with it as I do. Shout out to all the hard working people at Alta who actually operate the system and fix and move the bikes. They are like the unseen gnomes of this entire process. Though I'm sure some of them are quite tall.

Stay tuned for my next entry as I take my first long distance train ride in a sleeper car this weekend.

Hurrr...

2011-05-17T08:49:00.000-04:00

Eating cottage cheese makes me want to vomit. I woke up too late to make eggs and so I'm trying to get down this stuff. I can tolerate it, but it's not pleasant. They should make some bib that goes from the bottom of your nose to the top of a dish or a container, to prevent you from looking at what you're eating. Because cottage cheese looks like something you eject and not ingest. It also looks like the beginning stage for all of those things you love, but don't want to know how it's made, like Cheese Doodles.

This is still better than that greek plain fat-free yogurt. I need to wash my mouth out now. Excuse me. .

I'm on South Beach

2011-05-16T22:43:00.000-04:00

Not in Miami, but in my kitchen

I'm on the second week of the acclaimed South Beach Diet, which is a 3-phase test. The first phase lasts two weeks and denies me:

Carbs
Fruit
Sugar
Alcohol

This, I'll admit sounds terrible. But when you're able to eat a bacon and cheese omelet in the morning, it's okay. I will admit it's weird eating deli meats out of the container and not in a sandwich. I feel like a kid in Lord of the Flies as ham falls off my chin. Salads are my friend. Especially when you can have chef's salads and buffalo chicken salads. Feels wrong, but it is sooo right.

And the drinking thing isn't too tough. Except for this past Saturday when I attended a wedding. Now at the risk of sounding like a member of a 12-step program, let me say that weddings without booze aren't much fun. Everyone is drinking, hell the toasts require a drink. I relied on the old AA standby of club soda with a lime. Looks like a gin and tonic, but in no way does it smell or taste like a gin and tonic.

And to top it all off, my bathroom scale is broken. Well, that's somewhat inaccurate. It works, but it just gives about 2-3 different amounts for your weight when you step on it. But I have stepped on the scale a week into the diet and averaged the results from both weeks and it looks like I'm losing weight, even though I don't feel like it.

I will clear Phase 1 just in time for a trip to Chicago, so I can have pizza and a hot dog in a bun at Wrigley, so I don't look like some freak.

Clubs are like work....

2011-05-10T16:06:00.000-04:00

So I promised to write about why I hate clubs and one of my few fans even said she was looking forward to it, so here gors. I went to this club in AC called Mur Mur, Yes, it's a dumb name. I actually had to buy shoes to go in there because I was wearing sneakers. I tried to explain that they were casual hiking boots, but that didn't fly with the woman with lots of cleavage. So the group of guys and I went to the store at the Bellagio, where my old partner (who felt bad I had to buy shoes) bought me a pair of Calvin Klein slippers for $100. Actually these shoes, which Zappos is selling for $98, so it's not as terrible a deal as I thought. However I did end up looking like some sort of Italian jabroni. For those not Italian or from Hawaii or the Pacific Northwest, the definition for that word is here. So I go into the club and there's a sign saying that men pay $25 and women pay $20. I ask if it matters if I'm a pre-op tranny who may look like a woman but feels like a man. This girl gives me a look like I went to her house, punched her mother in the stomach and told her Nonnie that she couldn't cook. I paid the $25.

And now I'm in the club and there's lots of girls wearing not a lot of clothing. And lots of guys with enough product in their hair to straighten Weird Al's hair. And it's dark and loud and the fog machine is on overdrive.

The guys I'm with wanted to get bottle service. If you don't know what that is, because you're normal, it's when the club will sell you a bottle of liquor and allow you to sit at a table. Let's say you like Grey Goose, and can buy the bottle for $40 at any store. At a club, that bottle will run you $400, without tax and tip (which is mandatory 20%). I should mention that they throw in the mixers for free, so they're practically giving it away. The allureof bottle service is that you get to sit and look cool. And many times girls will come over to drink your bottle and pretend to talk to you. And you get to feel like a baller for one night before you go back to your job as an Asst Branch Manager for Enterprise or something. The club wanted us to get 3 bottles which we declined.

Things I don't like:

Douchebags
Expensive drinks
Noisy ass places
Cool, hip places

And I don't dance. I dance the hell out of weddings, but I don't dance in the way that's supposed to attract the opposite sex. Which is fine because I have a lovely girlfriend. But I fully believe in dancing like no one is watching. And when drunk, I use moves like rubbing my nipples and biting the collar of my shirt. Very hot, I assure you.

So I spent the night drinking $9 rum and diet cokes, and standing up against a wall with my arms folded and one foot propped agaist the wall, bent at the knee. Just like old times as a cop. I look totally unapproachable, which is okay, because I'd have to yell at the top of my lungs to talk to anyone. So I just sit there and marvel at the show, and how people can be having so much fun.

Fatburger at 5AM made up for it though......Faaattbuuuurgeeer (Said in affect of a zombie)

The Vegas of the Mid-Atlantic

2011-05-08T23:10:00.000-04:00

This Sunday, I had the wonderful opportunity to go to Atlantic City, New Jersey for a good friend's bachelor party. This was probably only my second time in AC where I actually spent any time there. When I was in high school, I had a friend who lived in Ocean City, NJ and I'd travel down there on the bus. The buses would leave from the bus terminal in NYC and cost about $20 and then they would give you $18 in chips or quarters for the slots. So if you're not going to play in AC, its essentially a $2-3 bus ride.

So we stayed at the Bellagio which was pretty nice. I don't gamble as a general rule, but I'll dabble in the slots. Atlantic City is a pretty interesting place. It's hey day was back in the early 1900's where there were tons of huge hotels on the boardwalk and the city was an actual destination place where families would come from Philly and New York to spend a few weeks to recuperate and soak in the sun and the water. There wasn't legalized gambling back then. If you've seen Boardwalk Empire on HBO, it's set in this period.

The city then saw tourism drop off, until casino gambling was legalized. Of course now, it's under attack from Foxwoods and Mohegan Sun for gamblers. The actual city itself is pretty sad. Apart from the casinos, the city is a pretty poor place. It still doesn't have a supermarket. Seriously. And I know that Vegas isn't all glitz either, but the transition in AC is so stark, it makes it depressing to go there. Asides from some of the ugliest people you've ever seen.

Coming up next....I'll talk about why I hate nightclubs so much. Stay tuned.

We Had to Defrost this Revenge on Setting 2

2011-05-03T00:33:00.001-04:00

Good Evening. I'm sitting in my hotel in Burlington, VT listening to Styx streaming on my computer and I have promised to be better at blogging, so I thought I'd knock out a post before I turned in.

As everyone knows, Osama Bin Laden was killed last night. And I, like many Americans, was happy to hear that he's not on this earth anymore. I think being a born and raised New Yorker and working for the NYPD on September 11th, his death was extra sweet. I harbor no illusions that this means we've turned the corner on the war on terror. I think we are still very much at risk and have spent huge amounts of money on security theater to prevent what really is unpreventable. We should have been spending more time planning for what happens after something does happen, but that's not as sexy as toys. I mean, look at this thing. It's called a Bear. It's fricken cool looking. Who wouldn't want that over a paper plan? I get it.

So I am glad he is dead. It was odd how many students gathered in front of the White House last night to chant U-S-A. Given that they were probably 8 when the Towers fell, it's been most of their lives that we've been looking for this guy. So maybe this feels to them like how it felt for me when the Berlin Wall fell. But even I understood in 89 (I was 13) that this was a game changer and things like communism don't end every day.

I lost some colleagues in the Towers. None from my precinct, thank God, but a couple of guys from ESU Truck 2, which was located about 6 blocks from us. So I used to see them around for jobs a fair amount. I have however lost 2 men I worked closely with in the almost 10 years following the attack due to illnesses sustained while down there. There were 23 MOS (Members of the Service) from the NYPD killed on 9/11/01. There have been 29 killed since due to illness or disease. Their badges are displayed at the top of the post. Breathing the air we all breathed down there. And the Republicans didn't want to fund the health fund. And now, they have to make sure that you're not on the terrorist watch list before they give you benefits? Seriously? I get madder than Anthony Weiner about this stuff. I personally think that only members of the NY/NJ/CT delegations should be able to vote on any 9/11 related bills. What does Cliff Stearns know about what those men and women did? Nada.

Things I Hate Edition: Number 312

2011-04-28T23:29:00.000-04:00

This, dear readers, is the 4 door Wrangler. It was introduced in 2007 and already makes up 60% of all Wranglers. The Wrangler as many of you know is the vehicle of the young and male and white. Or female lacrosse players, my empirical evidence shows. My Dad had one in 1994, that I used to drive. It was a stick shift that was loud and got terrible gas mileage. But you could take the top off and drive up and down the main drag until someone noticed you. Usually it was my Dad who noticed that I was wasting gas.

For years, seeing a Wrangler in your rear-view mirror meant you should pull over. Not because the vehicle demanded respect, but because the driver was clearly an 18 year old hopped up on Mountain Dew and Accutane and would probably ram into the back of you and not even notice.

There are two rules with the Wrangler:

You need to get a stick shift. Period. It's a Jeep, descendant from the original workhorse of World War 2. If you need an automatic, you should get a crossover with blue tooth built in. The jeep is meant to go off the road, even if you never let it. And automatics don't do serious four wheeling.
Never get a four door Jeep. Listen, if you're getting a 4 door Jeep it's for a couple of reasons. You either have a bunch of friends, or you have a family. If you have a bunch of friends, tell them to pile their fat asses in the back. If you were a real Jeep owner, you'd have the top down and they'd be climbing over the tire anyway.

If you own a family, you need to give it up man. Yes, you had a Jeep in high school/college/the military, but now you're older and fatter. And you can't recapture that youth. Not by buying a vehicle you once had and putting a car seat in the back. You are a sellout. If you want a Jeep, have two cars. The minivan/station wagon that you need to carry around your snowflake, and the Jeep that gets muddy and has knobby tires. But stop disgracing a vehicle with a proud long history of utility and power.

Sex can be scary for 5th graders

2011-04-22T11:49:00.002-04:00

Found this on Fark. This is from a Chicago Tribune photographer, Chuck Berman, at a 5th grade sex ed class in Illinois. I just love the kid on the right. God knows what photo they're showing. The girl behind him looks like he's going to puke. I'll run a caption contest in the comments.

I Hate Times Square

2011-04-20T23:39:00.000-04:00

I am a New Yorker. I was born there 34 years ago and lived there for 27 years, with a 4 year stint about two hours north of it for college. I love New York City so very much. I like to say that if you live in New York City, you always live with another person, and that's New York City. A living and breathing thing.

Having said that, I hate Times Square. I was in a cab that took me through Times Square and it reminded me of how much I missed the old New York.

Some history for people, Times Square was originally named Longacre Square until the New York Times moved their headquarters there to 1 Times Square, which is the building they drop the ball from every year. They are no longer in that building. They actually moved out of it 10 years after they moved in.. The area was very popular in the 1900's, and fell into decline around the 60's and through the 80's. In the early 90's the state took control of some of the historical theaters and a group of corporations and the city turned the tide between 1995 and 2000. The Disney Store opened and that was when you knew the Square was different.

I hate Times Square for two reasons. The first is that I froze my ass off there as a cop for 4 years, surrounded by morons from out of town who were confused why there were so many people there. I had some girl in 2000 tell me she needed to meet her friends about 10 blocks away but there were people in the way. I was like "Lady, it's the millenium. You should have thought ahead." And it took forever to warm up and 30 seconds to get cold again.

But the real reason I hate Times Square is because it's not part of New York City. It's full of tourists all surrounded by dazzling lights of chains that they have 10 miles from their homes. I took some photos in the cab.

These are what I'm sure are the flagship locations for these middling restaurant chains. I totally understand why tourists eat here. The city can be so confusing and loud and there are so many choices, that you end up choosing something familiar.

But that's not why you come to New York City. You come here to marvel at it being the city that never sleeps. And that doesn't mean Times Square where you tourists choose not to sleep. A place where you can get anything you want anytime day or night. A place that's different. This is not different. I saw a line at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. Are you fucking kidding me? Do the people going there even remember the movie that title comes from?

Times Square used to be seedy and dangerous. With hookers and porno theaters. It wasn't really dangerous, but it kept the tourists away. Times Square was a rude awakening for people arriving to the city for the first time. And it should be. The city should give you a gut punch, almost as if to say, "You sure you're ready for this?" So that when you do make it, you feel an accomplishment. You can call yourself a New Yorker. Navigating Times Square is no more exciting or dangerous than walking from Epcot to the Magic Kingdom now and it's sad. But the saddest thing is that those people who marvel at it, don't even know how special it used to be. Here's a video. of how it used to look before it got "cleaned up"

Blood goes out, blood comes in, never a miscommunication

2011-04-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

Today, I went to the National Children's Medical Center on a glorious sunny afternoon for my monthly platelet donation. The hospital is pretty cool. It's on a complex with three other hospitals in Northern DC (VA Hospital, Washington Hospital Center, National Rehab Center) and it also has a Goodyear Speedwalk which is like a flat escalator. It's made of rubber, which is wild. I imagine when they put the first mall on the moon, the escalator there will feel like this.

Some of you probably have given blood. Due to the restrictions on blood donation, less than 40% of the population can donate, what with the rules on cancer history and gay sex and overseas travel. Having said that, only 10% of the population do give blood. When you gave blood, you usually give a pint of blood. Whole blood contains a bunch of things. Red blood cells, plasma and platelets. When you give platelets, they take whole blood from you, remove the platelets in a centrifuge and then return the rest of it.

Giving platelets is to an Ironman what giving blood is like to a 5K. You can tell in the donor center, when you're like, "I'm here to give platelets." The staff looks at you and nods. I also have a very high platelet count. Which probably isn't a big deal, but I like to think of it as a blood donor center equivalent of "You have really big hands..." The staff is terrific there, and I get as many Lorna Doones and Oreos as my fat ass can eat.

And I get to help children with cancer and other diseases all while sitting on my ass. Like the line goes in Boogie Nights, "I am a star." Though I keep my pants on.

The District of America: Congress's Bitch

2011-04-10T23:30:00.001-04:00

So DC was abuzz last week with the possible shutdown. It obviously would have been felt much more here than anywhere else, and so it was all that people talked about. One of the interesting news items from that week, involved the DC local government, and the fact that they couldn't spend money either, if the budget wasn't passed, because all of our appropriations are approved by Congress. Even though the city is spending the tax dollars that they collected from their residents, they are in effect a federal colony.

Most people know that DC has no representation in Congress. Well, we have Eleanor Holmes-Norton, who is a delegate to the House of Representatives. We essentially have the same status as American Samoa and Guam politically. She used to be able to vote, as long as it's didn't break a tie (meaning as long as her vote didn't matter). But the Republicans changed the rules to eliminate even that role. We're currently like the Holy See at the UN. Just sort of watching and hanging out. Washington, DC has more people than Wyoming, but we don't have any Senators and one non-voting lady in the House.

It's so bizarre, it's almost funny. But when you realize that you can't call anyone who can doing anything to voice your concerns, it is frustrating. And the reality is that because DC has been so transient, this issue hasn't been a huge one because people know they're going to go home and have representation there. But the reality is that Republicans don't want representation for the District, because we have a lot of black people here. Chocolate City is one of the nicknames of DC. And black voters are generally Democratic voters, so that causes a problem. There was a proposal a few years ago which would have given us one voting Rep and Utah would have added one as well, to ensure parity.

All I know is, it's nonsense. And I hope these people eventually get what they want.

Update: I'm pretty proud of my Mayor today. For the first time since he's been elected.

Green Mountain Boys

2011-04-05T23:00:00.000-04:00

I'm up in Vermont until tomorrow. My journey here began with a flight on US Air from BWI to Philadelphia. The air time of the flight is literally 19 minutes. And I still got a beverage in first class. This of course is the terrible irony of the free upgrades on US Air. I only get them when it doesn't matter, like 19 minute flights. 5 hour flights from California? Hells no.

I also wanted to alert my 7 readers that I have found one of the most amazing culinary delights I could ever imagine. Pulled pork inside a cheddar and scallion muffin. No, seriously. I would like to warn you that this is not the same thing as a pork muffin, which I learned through googling is:

a small chubby person with fire red hair, freckles, and milky white skin.

Damn, look at that pork muffin with the pokemon backpack. I'd like to take him to a family reunion barbeque and introduce him to my aunt gracie.

The good news is that it's a small chubby person, ottherwise this would totally define me.

You are Here. (Here, clearly, means Nirvana)

2011-03-31T01:35:00.001-04:00

I'm in Oakland for work and called some friends of mine who live in the area, and the guy invited me to meet him at his office for lunch. Normally, I'm not big on office food. But he works at Google in Mountain View. If you don't know about this office, it's called the Googleplex. And it's amazing.

The buildings all surround a large quad, and while waiting for him there, I noticed I was standing between the sand volleyball court and the lap pool with the Google lifeguard. And there were all these fixie bikes around in Google colors that employees just rode from building to building and left for someone else to come out and use. In each of the buildings, there's a room with a coffee machine with beans that grind while you wait, and free Coke and Pepsi products.

And then came lunch. We walked over a bridge and got to the cafeteria. Which had all kinds of incredible food. The food all had descriptions and ingredients. The ingredients were highlighted green, yellow and red. Green for healthy, yellow for not so much and red for delicious. I made my own salad with ingredients I didn't even understand and never are in a normal salad. I also got a shrimp cocktail shooter, a sausage and halibut wrap and a wonton with steak on it. I washed it all down with a sage and grapefuit concoction that was freshly squeezed. Here it is....

My friend worked in an office with 3 other people, all managers. Well, it's apparently a Yert, because it had a canvas ceiling. And they had lots of Four Loko, which apparently is necessary for keeping the Google site up and running. It was easy to see why people are so productive and like working here. It's because they treat their employees very well and in turn they bust their ass for the company. It doesn't hurt that they get stock options and as of the closing bell today, their stock was at 581.84. A video they made of their complex is pretty cool.

The real pleasure from the day was getting to see my friends and their daughter, Taliesin. (Yeah, its a Frank Lloyd Wright reference, and he dared his wife to name her that) Friends and perhaps another glass of that sage and grapefruit juice.

Time Difference is a Bitch

2011-03-28T19:55:00.000-04:00

This morning I had a conference call that started at 9AM EST. I, however, am on Pacific Standard Time. Which means I had to get up at 6AM to take the call. Good news is that I could wake up literally 5 minutes before and just grunt as they did roll call. However my morning wasn't so peachy.

First, when I travel across time zones, I like to leave my Blackberry on EST, so I know what time my work is happening in. It also lets me know when it's okay to stop responding to emails from people who don't know I'm on the West Coast. My IPhone uses Apple magic to determine where I am and adjusts accordingly. So I set the alarms on both my phones for around 6AM to make sure I made the call. I'm sure you see where the problem is. The Blackberry went off at 3AM, and in my sleep-deprived haze, I called in and waited on an empty conference line for about 5 minutes before I realized what I had done . Sonofabitch.

Then, when I was up and on the call, I was in desparate need of some coffee, but couldn't leave the room, because I didn't feel like getting dressed and I'm a lazy person. So I used the coffeemaker in the room. It looks like this. As you can tell, it was made by Wolfgang Puck. Well, that's a lie. It was made in China by people who have no idea who or what a Wolfgang Puck is. He just gave his name and got a check. So I followed the Ikea-like directions on the front of it and brewed up a cup of coffee for my 90 minute call. When the cheap plastic beast was done, it beeped and I went to get my coffee. It looked dark enough. I added some sugar and milk to guard against the possible poor taste and I took a sip.

It was godawful. No, that's not strong enough. It was fucking terrible. It tasted like it was brewed through the socks of the Jets Offensive Line. I'd never tasted warm feet before, but if they were made into liquid form, I'm pretty sure this experience would have covered it. I couldn't take more than two sips, even though my need for caffeine was dire. I've been on road trips to New Orleans and Omaha through the night and stopped at Mom and Pop gas stations where they poured coffee that looked like pudding. Drinking that sludge was like drinking that coffee that comes from the shit of rats ( well technically civets), compared to this coffee. So damn you Wolfgang Puck.

Thank you for tasting my coffee. It tastes like New Jersey.

Posting from 30,000 Feet

2011-03-27T18:39:00.000-04:00

I have to admit a compulsion to send emails or blog whenever I'm in a vehicle that's traveling. A bus, or a plane. In this particular case, it happens to be an Airbus A321 on US Airways. I was lucky enough to have first class on the flight from DCA to Charlotte, but this leg is packed and I am a lowly Silver elite member, so no dice this segment. I do however have a seat in 9E, which is pretty cool.

While US Air does have Gogo Wifi on it's A321 fleet, they do not however have power outlets, meaning that I will run out of juice about halfway through this 5 hour and 35 minute flight. Boo US Air. Also, allow me to crap on you for not offering any snacks in coach. Not even pretzels. Given that my flight r/t cost about $600, it seems a few starchy grains aren't too much to ask for.

But still, blogging from the sky is pretty cool. Talk to you from the Left Coast, my friends.

The Salty Banana

2011-03-23T14:54:00.000-04:00

Given the amount of news coverage about the Fukushima Power Plant's "near-meltdown", I thought I would spend a little time talking about common misconceptions about nuclear power.

How We Get Power

Traditional coal-fired plants operate by using coal from the ground as fuel to heat water which then turns into steam and pushes a turbine which creates electricity. It's dirty and seems old-fashioned and Rube Goldbergesque. Duke Energy is kind enough to provide a moving picture for you more graphically inclined.

So nuclear power comes on the scene and it seems space-aged. Granted, it was all during the 60's and 70's, so that added to it, but surely this was the technology that would leap over coal, right? Well, nuclear plants provide power by using radioactive rods to provide heat to a pool of water which then provides steam which pushes a turbine. Seems like a Jetsons beginnng with a Flintstones ending. Here's the in-depth explanation of this process. So we're really talking about saving the earth by not burning fossil fuels, which I'm all for, but still disappointed that nuclear power isn't powering my house by some sort of glowing orb.

Potassium Iodide

There were reports earlier of people in the US who were looking for potassium iodide. This is a compound that combines potassium and sodium, hence the salty banana, to protect your thyroid from radioactive iodine. Mostly used for kids. We give it out to people who live within 10 miles of a nuclear power station in this country, usually. And some people treat it like the cure for cancer. Lemme be real. You can eat kelp (seaweed) and get as much protection. Additionally, this will only protect your thyroid from iodine poisoning, so if you're hit with gamma radiation, it won't do crap. Also, if you take it and stay in an area of concentrated radiation, your thyroid will be fine, but your face could look like this.

For the Kids

Finally, you may have children and not know how to explain what's happening over there to them, or need to calm their fears. If this is the case, I'd suggest you not let them watch this Japanese PSA on the disaster for kids. The first time they fart, they'll start screaming. Enjoy it.

Why yes, there is someone on board who can fly this plane.

2011-03-19T13:54:00.000-04:00

This morning, I experienced the marvels of flight. From the cockpit. After my girlfriend's last surgery, she got me a Groupon for a "Discovery Flight" at the Washington International Flight Academy. Given the types of planes they have, I'm not sure where the International comes from. My guess is that most of the staff seems to be Israeli, so maybe that's it.

I spent 20 minutes on ground instruction, which consisted of a guy putting a laminated picture of the controls in front of us and walking through what they do. Then it was off to the tarmac and the plane. We were flying a Cessna 172, which is a single engine, 4-seater. On the way out, I asked my pilot how long he'd been flying. He said "3 months" and then we all laughed as he was joking. He then said "No, just kidding. Two years." Which I gotta tell you wasn't that much better. But he was a nice guy.

So a few things about flying a Cessna....

The plane is really simple. The controls are all knobs and the yoke. It's the essence of flight. No computers. The wind blows you left and you need to turn the yoke right to come back to your heading. I probably flew the plane as long as commercial pilots normally do, as they just turn knobs for the autopilot except for take off and landings
These planes last a looong time. I saw the pilot manual and noticed that it was made in 1984. To put that in perspective, Justin Bieber's mother was 10 when this place rolled off the line.
Wind is bad. In a large plane you fly through clouds and you imagine sitting on them, like some sort of angel from an 80's movie. In a Cessna, the cloud is not your friend and you end up bumping around a lot.
Cessna's are not built for tall people.

It was an awesome experience. They give you a soft sell to getting your pilot's license when you land, which would cost probably around $5,000. Which is about $4,950 more than I have right now. But it might be cool one day.

Paging Dr. Bombay.....

2011-03-14T21:45:00.000-04:00

So my girlfriend had ACL surgery on Friday and I've been playing nurse for the past few days. I am not a very good doctor. I'm trying though to be a good helper. Which mostly includes heating Trader Joe's meals, refilling water glasses and assisting her hop back and forth from the bathroom to the couch to the bed.

So she had ACL surgery. which takes about 6 months to recover from. They actually replace the ACL one of two ways. The first is to graft from your body, usually the patella or the hamstring. The downside of this is that you're recovering from surgery in two separate places and recovery takes longer. The second option is called an allograft, which is from a cadaver. Allyson went with this route, meaning that she has some dead person's body part inside them.

So that allows us to make up some awesome stories. Like her knee will soon be possessed by a prisoner from Death Row and will begin killing people. But only her knee. The trailer would have her headed down into the Metro on a packed escalator, when suddenly her knee jutted out, pushing some young girl on her cellphone plunging to the bottom of the escalator. The film would also have her sitting in her basement with a saw in her hand, staring at the possessed knee, pondering the impossible.

Anyone else have any good ideas about this? I'll give you a Producer credit when I sell the rights

Seattle

2011-03-08T21:51:00.001-05:00

This is Seattle, Washington. I've now been here three times. Twice for pleasure and once for work. Allow me to go over a few things from this city.

It rains here. You knew that. But you probably didn't know that the rain usually only lasts about 20 or 30 minutes and then passes. So while its a place to carry an umbrella, it's not some sort of depressing, always raining wasteland. The Boston Globe actually posted instructions on how to build an ark after 14 days of straight rain in my former home.
If you come here, and you like cheeseburgers and you might like bacon on your cheeseburger, you must stop at the Red Mill. They have a stack of bacon. It looks like this. And it's the most amazing bacon you have ever tasted on another piece of meat. I wouldn't lie to you. I promise. The onion rings are tasty. Cash only, hipsters.
The Space Needle is cool. But it costs $18 a person. Save the money. Instead, hit up the ferry to Bainbridge Island for $7.10 per person round trip and get an awesome view. I'll post some photos of that when I get home. But it's way cool.
My favorite bar there is the Bookstore Bar in Downtown. It's super cozy and they have a great happy hour with full-sized entrees for $5. Be careful though. I came here with clients last week and thought I'd buy some drinks to be friendly (note: I was using MY money, not the company's) and when I searched my pockets through the dull fog the next morning, found a credit card slip for $135. So it can add up. I will expound on my cop tip for drinking with lots of friends in another post.
And if you are looking for a place to stay, I highly recommend the Arctic Club, which is actually an old club in downtown that they renovated and now flies under the Doubletree/Hilton flag. So you get the warm cookie. The rooms are great and if you're gold or diamond with Hilton, you get free breakfast. Good times. And their mascot is a walrus.

Pictures courtesy of Flickr

I'm a trend setter...

2011-03-02T00:23:00.002-05:00

After my brief post about Vernon, CA, look who picked up this story.

I'm somebody.

These guys must have gone to Suffolk

2011-02-28T01:42:00.001-05:00

Tonight finds me on the Left Coast in lovely Commerce, California. You've never heard of it. It's easier to just call it LA, since it's in the sprawling metropolis, a few cities away from downtown. My hotel overlooks these outlet malls, called the Citadel, and they're shaped like a fortress. Odd place. It looks like this.

We were driving to In N Out, for dinner. (Double Double, Animal Style, in case you were wondering) We happened to pass through the City of Vernon, CA. Their motto is "Exclusively Industrial". I thought that was an odd phrase, certainly discouraging residents. But the more I thought about it, perhaps high on burger juices, I realized that this city was brilliant. You have all the tax base with none of the services. No schools, or parks departments, or any services that whining residents care about. You'd have tons of money to do whatever you wanted.

And, after some internet research after dinner, it turns out that they pretty much did whatever they wanted. And their city manager was collecting a salary of $800,000. Oh, and they have a population of 90, people. See, people tell me government is not where the money is. Idiots.

Global Climate Change and the FWD

2011-02-21T21:33:00.000-05:00

In honor of my brother, the paleoclimatologist, a word which blogger seems to think is spelled wrong but I know is not, I wanted to weigh in on my local experience with "Global Warming." Technically, he's a paleolimnologist, but you that's clearly above my head. Suffice it to say, he's a geologist who studies lake beds and soil to determine changes to the earth over time.

It used to be called Global Warming, but then we get a few super cold days and the non-scientists get all huffy about "Where's your warming now?" So I think it basically boils down to rapid climate change in either direction. Which is bad. For instance, on Saturday is was 70 degrees. And tomorrow it's going to be in the 30's with sleet and freezing rain. This is not fair. Though Saturday did provide the FWD for the region.

The FWD is the First Warm Day. It is a glorious occasion where girls who have been constrained by duck boots and puffy coats for many months rejoice in getting to wear their summer clothes. What makes this more special is that the clothes are generally a little too risque for the weather, given the anticipatory shopping that has gone on for cute tops and short skirts over the past 6 months.

God Bless America

Left Elbow Blowout

2011-02-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

So I have a problem with dress shirts, but at this point, I'm not sure it's the shirts fault. See, this is what has happened to about 10 shirts in the last two years....

This was a particularly nasty one. Usually it's more insidious and forms a small hole that I notice but forget about and then end up wearing it to some important business meeting. It happened to a bunch of my Brooks Brother's shirts recently. Non-iron. God I love those shirts. So I thought the problem rested on them. But now I am thinking that it has to do with how I sit at my desk. I'm a lefty, so I use the mouse with my right hand. This leaves my elbow free to sit on the desk with my hand under my chin, pondering the universe.

I am become Death, Destroyer of fine dress shirts (but only the left elbow)

St. Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

Today is not only St. Valentine's Day, but also Singles Awareness Day, for those who do not have a Valentine.
The History Channel has a great site which tells you all the things that happened today in history. And I was pleased to learn that penicillin was discovered today. In other news, I am currently making penicillin in my fridge right now, thanks to some Sandwich Thins that have past their prime. They have not died in vain. I'm going to use them to stave off an infection.

Hope everyone has a terrific day today, whether with someone or not.

I'm back

2011-02-13T16:06:00.002-05:00

Hey,

Welcome back. I left this blog over a year ago because I was working in the private sector and didn't want to get caught saying something dumb, as I had seen happen to other people. So I posted a few times on that blog, but it never somehow felt right and eventually I stopped.

So in the interim, I've realized something. I missed blogging. It takes a fair amount of time, and can be quite time consuming. But I discovered that I needed a forum to vent or discuss things that were longer than a Facebook status update or Tweet. I don't expect people to follow me. I think in many ways, I'm returning to this blog for myself.

And as for the lack of anonymity, I think it's safe to say that I'm not going to running for office or blowing any whistles on this thing. This is more to capture eating contest championships, exciting trips and my geekery around transportation.

So I'm back. And in the spirit of leaving something good, I have combined my love of musical theater and "How I Met Your Mother" and I give you this clip.

Just like Ted William's Head

2009-09-16T22:19:00.002-04:00

Greetings,

I have decided to put this blog address on hold. I took a new job in DC and I'm no longer technically a civil servant. In addition, you can easily find out who I am if you read through this thing long enough, and that's no good in the private sector. I decided though that I enjoy writing too much, so feel free free to email me for the new blog address. If you don't know my email its in the profile under contact me. I do expect that I shall return to this address and the public sector at some point, so I'm going to hold onto the site.

Be good,

Hero

Stress Relief

2009-08-24T18:38:00.002-04:00

So this week I predicted being rough and it has lived up to my expectations. So I wasn't exactly persistent in following through. I also have this concept that my stuff would go down the same day. I was wrong. So it looks like my stuff won't be there until 2 weeks from move day, which is going to be 9/1. Big thanks to Elizabeth for watching them move my stuff in as I plan to be down in DC this weekend.

So in this stressful time of looming deadlines and crap all over my house, and my back going out of wack meaning I can't run. So I found this on Fark. God Bless Fark. Here is what you need to do.

Click on this link.
These are the candidates for Livonia City Council. Click on some of the links, but save Glenn Moon until the end.
Click on Glenn Moon's name
Thank me.

He's on YouTube as well, but it's not nearly as good as the above process.

This has sustained me today. That and the fact that Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is on.

3rd post

2009-08-19T21:53:00.003-04:00

So I realized this is my 3rd post for the month, which I know is pathetic and is driving people away. This is a tough month. But I have found a residence and will be signing a lease shortly. This is a good thing, as someone else will be living in my home on September 1.

Tonight finds me in Virginia which is in the South. How do I know its the South? Because if you want good food you have to go to a strip mall. This is a unique phenomenon. In NYC or Boston, good food is located in standalone buildings. Here, it's next to an adult bookstore and Curves for Women location. However, that does not detract from the food. The sushi was choice.

I also bought a bag at Ross's. I finally have a roller board that stores in the overhead. Except on the tiny goddamn planes I fly with USAir. I just wanted to check in to say that I'm still here. I was upgraded to first class on the Shuttle coming down. Ah luxury for 49 minutes. Well, free booze at least.

And my new work friend Kimberly suggested this video, which truly is the most honest R&B video I've ever seen, asides from the fact he's a white guy.

Oh yeah

2009-08-11T23:41:00.002-04:00

So I'm going to bed....

I was supposed to be going to my own bed tonight, but apparently fog is not good for flying. So I'm at the Dulles Sheraton in Herndon, VA. I ran for the airport shuttle bus, ordered a chicken caesar salad from room service and then worked on PowerPoint slides for 2 hours. I get to wake up in 5 and fly out hopefully on time at 7:05AM in the same clothes and without deodorant. Sweet.

I would like to correct my former post. Now I am actually a road warrior. Well, a real road warrior would have packed some toiletries in his carry-on.

2 Man Enter, 1 Man Leave

2009-08-05T23:42:00.002-04:00

The Road Warrior returneth....

So I won't type long, because I'm exhausted. I will warn my faithful readers of two things:

First, in my search for billable hours and then sleep, I'm not sure what time I will have for this, Facebook, Yelp, SexyGoats.com, and many other sites. So I don't want you to pine away. I'm now on a hunt. It's like a treasure hunt, except the treasure is the "billable hour." This hunt will lead me to not farting around during the day, which is a good thing, but also puts a damper on this stuff.

Second, I realize that I need to move blogs. This blog has too much stuff about me to clean up and I will leave it dormant until I return to the public sector. I also need a more appropriate title. So you will at some point find a post telling you to contact me for my new blog address. Just click the contact me button on the top right.

This Monday I did have a total Road Warrior moment where my flight was delayed enough to miss my connection in Charlotte, forcing me to either spend the night in Philly or Charlotte before continuing on to Orlando the next day. I ended up noticing a Southwest flight leaving in 45 minutes direct to Orlando across the terminal. So I went out of security, and bought a ticket from the ticket counter. Who knew you could do such a thing? It cost $87, so God bless you SWA.

Then I arrived in Orlando and stayed at the Marriott. The kitchen was closed for the night and the only option I had was the "Market." Imagine a bodega, but in the USSR where everything is marked up 500%. So I bought the last sandwich they had. Turkey and Swiss with really wilted lettuce. I choked it down and thought this should earn some traveller medal. Rough business.

Until next time sports fans.....

You're doing it wrong...

2009-07-28T23:11:00.002-04:00

Has anybody seen these ads?

Now that Brinks has become Broadview, I see their ads are no less ridiculous. Allow me to expound on how much I hate these things.

The first reason these bother me are that they seem to target white women who live home alone. And who the hells sets the alarm when they come in for lemonade? Does this woman live in Kabul? The guy who calls from Brinks is also some slightly uniformed white guy who seems like he should be a cop. He's not. The people that call are calling from a call center. Which means that they just as easily could be selling Sham-Wows instead of calling you.

The second and most obvious reason is that this isn't how crime works. The most likely character to break into your house is someone looking like this.
This is what came up when I GIS'd "crackhead." They are people who are down on their luck and looking for something easy to steal that will net them 20 bucks so they can get high. These people do not want you to be home when they rob you. This makes it far less likely that they will get your stuff. They also don't have the intelligence or the sobriety to handle a hostage situation. They look for you to be gone, so they do it during the day. The thing I hate about these ads is that the perp always makes eye contact with the victim and then decides to break the glass anyway. Wrong.

Let's say on the other hand that this isn't a crackhead or a professional thief, and they want to do harm to the woman and or child in this clip. This, by the way, is the fear that sells these systems. That some rando is going to come along and rape your wife in the middle of the day. But let's say there is a psychopath who wants to do this. If they see you and break the window, they're not going to stop when they hear the alarm. If they're that determined, they will see their act through because they know that the response is going to be at least 5 minutes or more, because teeth whitened Brinks guy has to call you while you're being strangled and see if you're okay. (Note: This is very, very, very unlikely. Like getting struck be lightning. However this sells the majority of the alarms I would bet.)

I wasn't a cop for that long. But I know bullshit when I see it.

Crisis

2009-07-19T13:42:00.003-04:00

So while this move is exciting, it does involve travel. A bunch of travel to the Hampton Roads area in fact. For those that know me, I don't mind travel. And yes, I know that travel gets old. I know that airports and connections are not fun. But they are for me, at least in the beginning. I am a self-avowed aviation geek, loving flying and all the aspects that come with travel. I mean, I am the guy who flew to Hawaii for 18 hours, just to gain status on American.

Here is where the problem starts. American doesn't fly to Newport News, and only flies two flights to Norfolk a day which isn't going to work. There are other choices of course. There happens to be a direct flight from US Air and United, but they are stupid expensive due to the huge military population down in Hampton Roads. Southwest also flies direct from BWI, so that's an option.
However the one logical choice is the hardest one to make.

These guys are terrible. I know this. They came in dead last in survey after survey. There are YouTube videos about how bad they are. It kills me that I'm going to be using these guys. But I already have 10 segments booked on them in my first 7 days on the job. So I suppose I'll see how bad they are. But I don't like this. Not one bit. I find it funny, and not ha ha funny, that I'm close to platinum status with American and yet so far. So I'll let people know how this all turns out.

Big Changes Inbound

2009-07-13T23:37:00.002-04:00

Greetings Loyal Readers,

A number of big changes incoming for me and probably this blog. I accepted a job with a consulting company doing project management in the same general area that I work in currently. It will probably involve me traveling between DC and other parts of VA and possibly NYC. I'm nervous, but in a good way. I am reminded of the great quote from Ghostbusters, "You don't know what its like out there! I've worked in the private sector. They expect results!" Going to the dark side was something I thought of in the past, mostly for the chance to mix things up and add more travel into the mix, and the money doesn't hurt either.

Big change #2 is that the job is in Washington D.C. So that's a big change as well. I do have some really good friends down there, but I am leaving some good friends up here too. I can't help but think of this movie during this whole process. Anyway, I am coming to terms with my decision and I think it really is the right one. I need to challenge myself and get out of my box, as it were.

I should be in the new job the first week of August and down in DC around Labor Day. This brings us to possible change #3, the blog. I'm contemplating putting the blog on hold until I return to a job that more accurately fits the title of civil servant. I'm also concerned that writing about places I'm visiting for work could get tricky working for a private company. So I'm thinking of going anonymous, which is not like what it is now, more a diary blog. I'm open to thoughts or suggestions.

I'm going to bed. Loong day.

Late Night Delivery Award

2009-07-05T16:54:00.003-04:00

Has this happened to you?

Come home after last call with a friend and even though you've eaten all day, you are ravenously hungry? A quick check of Foodler shows that there are only a few places delivering. You order up a feast of Chinese food, over ordering like a boob. And then you promptly in your addled state, fall asleep. The delivery guy arrives with your Chinese feast and promptly unleashes hurls of Mandarin curses as you have your phone on vibrate in your pants, which is on the floor and there's no way you can hear it. Said delivery envoy returns back to the restaurant with the food. You wake up confused with 5 angry voicemails on your phone.

Of course it has. Well my friends, I am awarding the Late Night Delivery Award to Lucky Star Chinese Food in Medford, MA.

View Larger Map
I realized this morning that I had wasted money, because with Foodler you pay ahead of time. This means the restaurant wasn't on the hook for the cash. However imagine my surprise when the guy calls me today while doing laundry and asks if I want to reschedule the delivery! Ah yes, yes, a thousand times yes. No idea why they would do this. They have no obligation. But from now on, whenever drunken cravings call for, I will be using Lucky Star on GP.

Spies Like Us Part 2

2009-07-05T16:41:00.002-04:00

So this past week has been pretty significant for a few reasons. One of them I posted about, which is completion of grad school classes. That frees up time during the week for me as well as allows me to start paying off debt. A lot of debt.

Second thing that was pretty remarkable was that I moved through to the next round of the Foreign Service Officer application process. People are amazed, as they know that the test is incredibly hard. I would like to claim to be that good, however Wikipedia can add some corrections:

"For fifty years, Foreign Service Officer applicants who passed an all-day written exam were invited to an oral assessment. In mid-2007, the all-day written exam was shortened and information on a structured resume also began to be considered. The structured resume along with the Qualifications Evaluation Panel, or QEP, which is made up of three Foreign Service Officers, was one of the greatest changes to the Foreign Service Exam in decade"

So now I complete 5 short answers and then submit those to the QEP and hear from them around October if I'm eligible to move onto the Oral Assessment. There's other things going on, and I'll let you all know how what's happening as that unfolds.

Free at last. Free at last.

2009-06-30T22:44:00.002-04:00

So I have taken classes at several institutions of higher learning. Vassar College. The New York City Police Academy. Suffolk University. Yesterday was my final class in my final semester at Suffolk. This means that I will be receiving my Masters in Public Administration. The diploma I assume comes at the end of the summer. I will use it to stuff my shoes with to stay warm as I will be reduced to homeless levels of poverty to pay off a degree. A degree which might I add increases my earning potential by around $.45, unlike my doctor and lawyer friends.

And then today my brother Broxton had to show me up by completing his Doctorate defense which means he is a PhD in Geology. God bless us. And God help all those defenseless lake bottoms.

Guess what crap I don't own

2009-06-23T21:59:00.002-04:00

So my roommate of 4 years moved out and I found out I was missing some stuff. So tonight I went to target and bought some replacement gear. It includes:

Iron
Ironing board cover (He oddly left the old board but took the iron)
Microwave
Frying pan
2 plates
1 bowl
Bucket to put the ice cubes in after you take them out of the trays but want to keep them in the freezer (This is a new addition)

I figured that I would never have more than 1 plate and bowl in action at any given time. I also have paper plates galore, which will suffice if others decide to grace my house with their presence. I also relearned how terrible I am at ironing tonight.

Entries on Gotham

2009-06-17T22:37:00.002-04:00

So I was down in New York for a short visit last night and today. For those who are unaware, today is Bunker Hill Day which is a state holiday in MA. Trivia question: Where was the Battle of Bunker Hill fought?

So while in New York, I had some thoughts...

The cabs have TV now. My cab from the airport seemed to have Channel 7, while the one to the Airport had Channel 4. The TVs have different features, but the end result is the same. If you're from out of town, you're all "Hey lookee here, there's a lady talking to me from the seatback in front of me." If you're a New Yorker, you're thinking that as you can't actually access the internet from the TV, that it's 80% useless. It also has a map that tells you where you are, which I suppose is so that cabbies don't take tourists for an extended ride. But the tourists would have to be geographers I fear. How the hell would I know whether I was taking the long route, unless I could see that I was in Jersey and I wanted to go to Queens. Dumb.
LaGuardia is a poor airport. I know it was the first major airport we had in the city, but the central terminal is a poor design. It's almost as bad as Kansas City, but nothing could really be that bad. It needs an overhaul, but the airport is built on a postage stamp, so they really have nowhere to go. There are great views of Rikers though from the runway.
I got to order a coffee this morning from one of these. If you don't know what this is, it's a coffee cart and they spring up all around midtown and in other areas predominately near subway stations. They are a unique New York fixture and of the ones I frequented I always had great times talking to the guys inside. Large coffee is still $1, which is a great deal. And my favorite is they know how to make a regular coffee. Regular for those not in the know is not black. That's called a black coffee. A regular in NYC is milk and 2 sugars. Regular in Boston is cream and 2 sugars. I hate cream in my coffee. It makes it way too viscous. I wish there were coffee carts everywhere.

Tough Day?

2009-06-11T16:57:00.002-04:00

I had a long day that had me wanting to scream into my trashcan. But then I found this photo taken by Mike Clarke/Agence France-Presse. It made me instantly happy.

I hope my nephew is okay over there...

Stop right now and I'll make the sun come back

2009-06-08T22:21:00.002-04:00

So this weekend was my 10th college reunion. However I was not in attendance, as I had a test to take. I also was unsure how I was going to be surrounded by so many babies. I took the Foreign Service Officer Test, which is basically the test that is administered to enter the Foreign Service of the State Department. Some have said it's the hardest test ever.

While it was difficult, the test has changed in the last 2 years. It now has 4 different sections. There is a general knowledge section, which is like a written Jeopardy game. Then there is a personal section that asks if you have certain traits and examples of those traits. Then followed by an English grammar and style section, and finally 30 minutes to write an essay.

What I was able to gleam from this 2.5 hour ordeal is that they really want to know how you work under pressure and that the State Department hates the comma second only to Osama Bin Laden. Oh, and thanks to my friend Chuck for telling me to bring #2 pencils which I tore my apartment apart looking for. The test is now given on computer.

I'll find out how I did in 3-4 weeks. Most people have to take it multiple times.According to the bastion of truth Wikipedia of 20,000 annual written test takers, only about 400 make it into the service. Stay tuned. In contrast, it was nothing like the test pictured here, though this is one of my favorite movie scenes.

Born Free.....

2009-06-02T23:15:00.002-04:00

So my roommate of 4 years moved out to live with his fiancee, and soon wife. My next roommate is coming next week, but the arrangement I have worked out only has him here once every two weeks or so. He's actually going to be living on the West Coast, but his office is here so he needs to come back every so often. He's a good guy who I met in college.

But when the roommate moves out, I needed to do a couple things. The first is the use the bathroom without closing the door. And then there's the walk around naked, just cause. However there are down sides to the roommate leaving. It seems I didn't own any bowls or plates in the domestic partnership, but I did apparently have the monopoly on pint glasses. Not sure what this says about me.

Hmm.....

How much do you weigh?

2009-05-31T23:18:00.002-04:00

The above question is never a good question to ask. But it sends a special message when asked by the girl at the Cape Air check-in desk at Logan. If they want to know how much you weigh, rest assured you're getting on a small plane.

I flew up to Plattsburgh and back from Beantown this weekend to visit the folks and used Cape Air. They are currently the largest independent regional airline in the country and they have the largest fleet of Cessna 402s in world. The Cessna 402, pictured above, is a small plane. So small that you get to sit next to the pilot if you want, as there's only one. And you need to hold it on the 1 hour and 20 minute flight as there's no bathroom.

The whole thing is a little funny. It started on Friday as we're lining up to board and the pilot, Chaz, ran by and asked if we could wait as she had to use the bathroom. So you of course wait. It was obvious that many of the people on the flight are regulars as they knew her and were asking about her nights and weekend. She came back from the bathrom and then led us like a 4th grade class down to the plane.

The bags on the plane go in two places. Big bags go in the nose and the smaller bags go in the wing, behind the engine. Chaz actually opened the hatch which is like her window as she was taxiing around Logan to get more air into the plane. We took off in about 1/4 the space a jet would need and we were on our way.

One thing about small planes and getting to see out the front windows is you are a lot more attuned to the space around you. Going through clouds generally produces noticeable bumps, unlike larger planes. Another amazing discovery was the axes on the plane. Most people who fly commercially are used to two basic axes, pitch and roll. Pitch is what happens when your plane takes off and the nose points up. Roll is when you make those big banking turns and one wing dips low as you circle. However yaw was new for me. It was like the plane was climbing straight, but we were pointed at 10 o'clock. Here's a better explanation.

Overall it was a decent flight. A lot of turbulence on the way back. I hit my head several times on the top of the cabin, and I have a bump where I struck the reading light. And the French kid sitting across from the pilot got sick on the final approach. Always something going on when I travel.

Tragedy Squared

2009-05-29T08:57:00.002-04:00

So I woke up this morning, feeling good. Not only is it Friday, but it is also payday, so you can't really beat that. And then I read this on the Times site.

Off-Duty Officer Fatally Shot by Police

This is a true nightmare. The cop who was killed had only 2 years on and was chasing a guy who he caught breaking into his car. He was stopped by the 25th Precinct Anti-Crime team, and was shot and killed by a guy with 4 years on the job. Normally, when I read of cops who are killed my heart goes out to only side, but in this case I guess it affects me more because I can imagine being on both sides of this. I spent a little under a year on the Anti-Crime team in my precinct.

The guys were tearing off the wounded cop's clothes to try and stop the bleeding when they saw he was wearing a Police Academy shirt. From the article, then then searched for and found his badge. I can't imagine what that must have been like after they saw the shirt.

Either way, I hope Officer Omar Edwards rests in peace and I hope the job will take care of his daughters. And I wish the officer who fired the shots can find some peace at some point. But this is less than 24 hours old and it's still a really sad day for New York City and the NYPD.

Made on Honor, Sold on Merit

2009-05-26T22:53:00.002-04:00

There is a local beer that I've found that's new sort of. It's called Narragansett and it's currently being brewed in Rochester, NY under contract with High Falls Brewing. It was at one time the largest brewery in New England. The brand got bought by Falstaff Brewers and they eventually collapsed, probably on account of their piss poor beer.

Since 2006, Narragansett has been available in New England once more and only in the past few months have I made this discovery. They are actually trying to build a new brewery in their original state of Rhode Island and they would like your help. I bought two six-packs this weekend and I got a free tie. I gave it to my friend Steve, because I'm a giver like that.

But my favorite past time while drinking 'Gansetts are to come up with a marketing pitch. It revolves around the concept of Gansett Time. This is pretty much when something horrific happens in your life, and you decide to escape to that mythical place that cheap local beer can take you.

Your girlfriend 1 month late and you were thinking of breaking up with her before? It's Gansett Time!
Your computer just shit the bed on the flight to make the big pitch in London and lost all your crap? Its Gansett Time!
Crapped yourself when you thought you were going to fart? Its Gansett Time!

I could go on, but I think this is better with audience participation. I should mention that I like Narragansett a lot and it's a far better beer than Busch or many of the American lagers. I would actually buy it if they didn't give out ties and inspire awesome slogans.

Paradise Is

2009-05-21T22:38:00.005-04:00

So I finally have gotten the time to write about my 18 hours in Hawaii or at least post some photos. The first two photos I took on the beach they took me to before my flight on Monday. Here is what I term the Allen Album cover, with Aloha holding Makena and Noa with Nanea.

Then I had to take a photo of my feet in the Pacific Ocean. It was one of the few touristy things I did.

I hope everyone has a great three-day weekend. For those of you working over the weekend, I thank you. I'll drink to you.

3 down, 1 to go

2009-05-18T23:55:00.002-04:00

As I sit in my 3rd Admirals Club in 2 days, I am almost done. I have about 2 hours until my flight back to Beantown and I'm a little tired. Originally, I was hesitant to tell my hosts I was even coming to Hawaii as I thought they might think me mad and I didn't want them to be party to my madness. But I relented after Mikie told me I was nuts. And I'm glad I did.

I know it sounds nuts seeing as how I was on the Island for under 18 hours, but it felt like a vacation. We grilled and drank wine. I got to play with the girls and watch Makena produce incredible amounts of snot. I got to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean. Aloha and Noa even stopped on my way to the airport to allow me to buy a plate lunch, which I'm still eating even though they frown on people eating their own food in the lounge. Oh, and I bought 2 manapua. So good. I saved one. Maybe for breakfast tomorrow.

It was like staying with family and that's always nice. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, Allen clan. I know you said I don't have to get you anything, but that is insanity. I will find a way to make my evening up to you.

There's a flight leaving here at 1:30AM for Hong Kong. I wonder how many miles I'd get for that? Kidding. Mostly.

Aloha!

2009-05-18T05:38:00.002-04:00

So I'm in Hawaii at Aloha's house. It's great. I get to meet Makena tomorrow morning, which will be awesome. For allowing me to stay with them for the night, I am eternally grateful. This gratitude requires a gift. My thoughts are: Junior's Cheesecake or gift certificate to fancy romantic restaurant in this tropical paradise.

Thoughts?

Yeah...

2009-05-17T15:41:00.002-04:00

So the Dallas Airport, while charming, isn't all that. I'm hoping to get out of this place at 3:30, which is two hours and 10 minutes after I was supposed to. Not sure what the problem was, but I won't breathe easy until I'm in the air.

I will say my theory of vacation destination fashion is again correct. People are dressed in lots of awful clothes. Lots of couples apparently looking forward to their tropical vacation. I just want my water and that's it. I think I'll nap on the flight. Here's hoping the girls aren't asleep by the time I get to the Aloha State.

Yee Haw

2009-05-17T12:32:00.002-04:00

So I'm now sitting at the Dallas Admiral's Club and the flight has been delayed to Honolulu, by about 90 minutes. Not a big deal. It just means I'm actually going to be spending even less time in Paradise. I did watch Quantum of Solace on the way over, which was really cool. I also saw Star Trek last night which I heartily recommend to all who like cool effects and a good plot. It will no doubt be the start of a new series, but unlike Transformers, there are actual characters you will want to follow.

It is odd being surrounded by people who are travelling to meet people or attend work functions, as I have always been before. To know that you're basically getting on a plane, just so you can get off the plane for another plane is a little strange. I am very excited about meeting the girls at Aloha's though.

It begins

2009-05-17T07:02:00.002-04:00

Here I sit, at the Admirals Club in Boston. My flight to Dallas boards in 20 minutes. I'm still very tired. That bologna sandwich at 1AM while watching the SciFi Channel was a bad idea last night. Maybe I can get some sleep on the plane. I'll check back in again in Dallas.

It's actually harder to pack for only 18 hours than it is for 2 days.

Some will think me clinically insane....

2009-05-14T11:06:00.003-04:00

So I'm going to Oahu, Hawaii for 20 hours on Sunday. All for the purpose of preserving the right to get exit row seats on American Airlines. Allow me to explain....

Sunday morning I will be doing what's known in the biz as a Mileage Run. Basically, the gist is you find a flight that gives you the maximum amount of miles for the least amount of money. It works even better if you can transfer to and from airports that are out of the way to boost the miles while keeping the price the same. Here's what my Sunday/Monday will look like:

So now you know what I'm doing, a good question is why? Why would you subject yourself to airports and airplanes for that long? Why would you spend more time in a metal tube than you would on a tropical island. Two reasons:

I got a bunch of miles on American from my trips to Paraguay and through a mileage challenge, got Gold Status. This is the lowest level of status and you can get it flying 25,000 miles in a calendar year. The most important thing about this, asides from the fact that I am shallow enough to like status, is the ability to reserve exit row seats. They are blocked out to all but elites until right before the flight. Exit row makes any flight bearable. American also has a double bonus for all miles flown until June 15, so this doubles my trip earnings.
I like traveling. I love airplanes and airports. I have a quasi-autistic knowledge about the industry and fleets that can amaze my friends and scare away females. So as awful as this trip sounds, I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'm on 757s my whole trip except the 767 from DFW to Honolulu, so it will be nice to be on a widebody.

Who does this? Actually there are a lot of people that do this apparently, if these boards are any indication. What makes me a little strange is that I never fly for work, and most of these guys (rare to find women doing this) are road warriors for their companies. I'm weird. I know this.

My schedule will look like this:

Carrier

Flight
Number

Departing

Arriving

Cabin

Booking Code

Flight Status
Notification

Flight
Details

Seats

City

Date & Time

City

Date & Time

AMERICAN AIRLINES

465

BOS Boston

May 17, 2009
07:45 AM

DFW Dallas/ Fort Worth

May 17, 2009
10:55 AM

Economy

10F

AMERICAN AIRLINES

DFW Dallas/ Fort Worth

May 17, 2009
01:20 PM

HNL Honolulu/ Oahu

May 17, 2009
04:35 PM

Economy

21J

AMERICAN AIRLINES

HNL Honolulu/ Oahu

May 18, 2009
12:40 PM

SFO San Francisco

May 18, 2009
08:45 PM

Economy

10A

AMERICAN AIRLINES

150

SFO San Francisco

May 18, 2009
11:15 PM

BOS Boston

May 19, 2009
07:55 AM

Economy

18A

While I'm in HI, I'll be staying with my friend Mikie's sister, Aloha. She has these two super cute daughters that I'm excited to finally meet. They of course have their own blogs, being sophisticated young ladies. I'm hoping to post from the trip. I will be going in to work on Tuesday morning, after a shower at the Boston Admiral's Club.

All told for a little over $450, I will have accumulated 26,306 miles on this trip, bringing me up to a YTD total of 37,994. Not bad for May. I know. I'm insane.

And I will be selling my CD after the show

2009-05-13T08:48:00.003-04:00

Having spent the weekend in Philadelphia, I was reminded of this clip I had heard first and later seen of Bill Burr, a Boston area comic. He was in Philly with Opie and Anthony and a bunch of other comedians on tour. Dom Irrerra, a Philly native and stand-up comedian, was before him on the show. The no-neck crowd booed Irrerra until he left the stage without doing his act.

Burr came out on stage angry that they had booed him and then the crowd turned on him.

What happened next was awesome. Burr essentially stopped doing material and just turned on the hostile crowd and their awful city for 10 minutes. Thank you internets for this. Oh, and super NSFW.

Fancy Soap

2009-05-12T11:26:00.002-04:00

So the apartment ran out of hand soap and we were using a bar of Dial soap which does not impress guests, so I went out to buy new soap. I decided to treat myself with some Shea Butter soap. I realized today that I had no idea what the hell shea butter was, so I looked it up.

From wikipedia

Shea butter or Shea nut butter is a slightly yellowish or ivory-colored natural fat extracted from fruit of the shea tree by crushing and boiling. Shea butter is widely used in cosmetics as a moisturizer and an emollient. Shea butter is also edible. It is used as a cooking oil in West Africa, as well as sometimes being used in the chocolate industry as a substitute for cocoa butter.

The shea or karite tree, formerly Butyrospermum paradoxum, is now called Vitellaria paradoxa. It produces its first fruit (which resemble large plums) when it is about 20 years old and reaches its full production when the tree is about 45 years old. It produces nuts for up to 200 years after reaching maturity.

I wouldn't recommend eating it however. I always thought Shea butter was this guy.

Wedding Weekend recap

2009-05-10T22:15:00.003-04:00

So I'm back home and even had time to finish John Adams and do laundry.

On Saturday I married my two friends Alex and Heather. I should clarify that I officiated, as someone always gets the wrong idea, Utah-style. It was a nice outdoor affair, and the weather held up, as you can see from this photo. Funny story. My tuxedo cost $99 from K&G. My shirt and braces cost double that from Nordstroms. However, when I went to put my jacket on, I noticed both the buttons were missing, so I just removed the excess string and called it a "European cut." No one seemed to notice.

After the wedding, people went into Philly for an evening of drinking, talking and laughing. The hotel I was staying at was having a huge Jewish wedding on Saturday night. On the way back to change out of my European tux into more casual clothes, I stopped in on their cocktail hour. I was there long enough the grab a rum and coke and a few pigs in a blanket. Who knew the chosen people and I shared a favorite appetizer. This was the first time I've ever crashed a wedding, but I had this whole back story. I was dating this girl named Sarah Green who went to college with the bride, but I didn't know where that was because this was only our second date. Etc...

This morning saw me up for brunch with my friend Nicole and her friend. And then a 6 hour drive. But the 6 hours were clearly worth it because I had two chili dogs from this heavenly establishmen t. I paid for it, but it was totally worth it.

I had a good time at the wedding and it proved my hypothesis that weddings can be incredible or mediocre. At their best, like this one was, it brought together great friends who in turn met other people's great friends and new friendships were formed. This one guy and I hit it off incredibly well and I am going to look him up when I'm down in NYC. His brother is a cop and he's insanely funny, so it was a match from the start. But I really enjoyed meeting all of their friends and sincerely do hope that I get to see many of them again.

There's that saying that you can never have enough friends. I think that is true until you get to the point where so many friendships are hard to maintain which becomes the limiting factor. Facebook can act as a force multiplier, but it's not real. I will say you can never have enough great evenings of conversation, laughter and fellowship. Regardless of what happens going forward with these folks, I will always have that.

Furlough Days Taken: 1/3

Wedding Day

2009-05-09T09:36:00.002-04:00

It's a beautiful morning in Washington Crossing, PA. It was supposed to thunderstorm this morning, but so far the rain is holding off. I'm marrying a couple, Alex and Heather, at 11:30 this morning. It will be a great day no matter the weather really.

The mother of the groom did hug me extra tight when I left her house last night and said: "You aren't going to do anything crazy are you?" I smiled and then explained I planned to do balloon animals for the first 15 minutes, after the dance spectacular.

I'll write more later.

Captain Chaos: 1934-2009

2009-05-05T14:24:00.001-04:00

You will be missed Mr. DeLuise. You will be missed.

2009-05-05T10:16:00.002-04:00

This week is Public Service Recognition Week.

I will be accepting donations of alcohol, cash, and reptiles.

And you are welcome.

That guy

2009-05-04T15:42:00.002-04:00

So I went to a wedding this past weekend in lovely Meredith, NH. It was a work wedding so I didn't know that many people. It was a great wedding, lots of good people and awesome appetizers at the cocktail hour. The music was a little loud. The DJ enjoyed yelling a lot.

So at the end of the reception, there was an after party at the Bride and Groom's hotel room. So I went over and there was a bunch of people there and music and good times. Flash forward to 3AM. I had my hand in a bag of Funnyuns when I took a quick head count in the room. Those present were:

Bride
Groom
Me (with hand in bag of Funnyuns)

Holy Crap. I'm that guy. So I remove my hand from the Funnyuns bag and I'm all, "Hey....I just realized that I'm the only one here and this is your room and your wedding night. So I'm going to go now. You two do whatever it is you want to do, and congratulations again."

I grabbed a Bud Light for the walk home and left. In fairness, the guests before me left probably 2 minutes before I did. It wasn't like I was telling cop stories drunk at people who kept checking their watch. Let's hope this doesn't happen next weekend as I'm actually going to be marrying that couple.

Shame on you...

2009-04-30T10:46:00.003-04:00

So one of my favorite website is Consumerist. Even more now that they were bought by Consumer Union, the owner of Consumer Reports. This ensures ad-free content, which helps keep out the bias.

My outgoing roommate had some issues with changing names on accounts and I thought it was crap. So I emailed the kids at Consumerist and they decided to share it with the Interwebs.

Enjoy my story.

Solution

2009-04-27T23:40:00.002-04:00

I have decided to eat bacon on everything until this whole swine flu thing blows over. I think I will gain immunity from the bacon, which will keep me in good stead.

We hold these truths to be self evident

2009-04-26T23:40:00.002-04:00

So I have taken hundreds of people's advice and Netflixed the John Adams series. I watched the first disc tonight and it kind of gave me chills. Call me a sap, but I think our history deserves another look. I learned the American Revolution in 6th grade I think, but this was a nice refresher. I also read 1776, which was a great book. If you get the chance, I highly recommend either or both.

I was sad to see the New York delegate to the Continental Congress so clearly in the loyalist camp. I took pride though in the stand my current state (MA) had. There were apparently Massholes even back then.

5 of those calls was from me

2009-04-26T01:46:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Sam for the find....

I somehow can't stop watching this.

Movies on TV (NSFW sort of)

2009-04-21T22:41:00.003-04:00

I was watching Snakes on A Plane on TV a few nights ago and the best line in the movie comes up and I was wondering how they were going to handle it. This is how it went down. In case you've never seen it, the line which was originally written by someone on the Web who was excited about the title is: "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane."

Then I was on Fark and someone reminded me of this gem, which really is the best. I'm not going to give you the original line, you'll have to see The Big Lebowski on your own.

One and a half papers done

2009-04-19T22:16:00.003-04:00

So I spent the weekend working on grad school work, which was mostly productive. I closed one paper out and got a good chunk through another one. It's like it never stops. Thankfully, it will soon all be over at some point in the early summer. For those following along with the home edition, I found a class that will meet my missing requirement.

Friday night had an impromptu barbecue with a decent turnout. I won a free case of Sam Adams a month in a charity auction in the fall, and it seems like frequent charred meat festivals are good ways to get rid of beer. Having grown up in New York City, we never had a grill and thus I never learned how to cook meats over a flame. I must say its my favorite form of cooking currently. Mostly because it seems you have to have a beer when you do it, and it's hard to screw up.

A note. I need to get a headlamp like my brother Broxton. That's him on the left with my other brother Ross. I say this because when working the grill in the dark, it can be hard to tell which burgers are done and which ones aren't. I also have to give Broxton credit for my grill chimney, which makes me look like I know what I'm doing when I start my grill. Grilling with friends makes me happy, so I plan to do more of these throughout the summer.

There is a pay it forward aspect to grilling out I think. I shelled out probably $45 bucks for the food and provided some of the beers. In general when you have a party, you always wind up with beers left over because people bring a case and they usually don't drink a case. I think I might assign more pertinent things like meats or buns next time.

Tomorrow is the Boston Marathon, and it's Patriots' Day in MA, another awesome state holiday. I however will be at work coordinating the marathon. And yes, I do feel slightly bad eating my sandwich looking at all of those people running. Good Luck runners!

The F Bomb

2009-04-14T22:53:00.002-04:00

So I was talking to a co-worker on the phone today while I was on the road and he mentioned we all just got an e-mail from the Governor. I asked, "How does it start?" He replied, "Dear Colleague."

Crap.

Allow me to explain. Whenever we've gotten an e-mail from the Governor recently that has started with Dear Colleague, it's generally bad news. Health care premiums going up, financial armageddon, and this time was no different. The Governor is calling for furloughs for all state government managers prior to July 1st. If you make above $50K, but less than $75K, then you take 3 furlough days. Anybody above $75K gets 5 furlough days. I've never been so excited to make less than $75,000.

For those who are curious, a furlough is defined by Webster's as:
"a leave of absence from duty granted especially to a soldier ; also : a document authorizing such a leave of absence"

In English this means that the 5,000 managers will stay at home and see their pay reduced by a day. I have no idea how this will actually work out, but I'm assuming I'll find out shortly. I can tell you what I'm already thinking about though.

Furlough Fridays.

Stay tuned sports fans.

First Class

2009-04-11T12:34:00.002-04:00

Greetings from Chicago,

I flew here on an American flight last night to stay with my college roommate who is out here. I upgraded to first class and was confirmed Thursday night.

American Airlines Flight 1081
Seat 4F

So I've flown first class maybe 5 times in my life, which means it's still special to me. Add in the stop at the Admiral's Club beforehand to get some reading done and I feel like a seasoned air traveler. Odd considering that I don't fly for business really.

So the flight began with a drink and some warm nuts. This is apparently an American thing, where they warm mixed nuts and serve them. That was followed by the flight attendant asking what snack I wanted. That night they had a grilled chicken salad and a philly cheesesteak calzone. I could really feel her eyes boring down on me as she asked "Healthy option or greasy fattening one? I'm judging."

I went with the calzone. It was fine. Hot at least and awesomely greasy. It was not in any way shape or form related to an actual cheesesteak from Phliladelphia, but it was fine. Followed by two more mixed drinks, and a chocolate chip cookie. See, that's the problem. Everything in first is still a wonder, the free booze, the food and the dirty looks from coach passengers as they pass you on the way to their seats.

I'm not sure I will need it on the way back. But it was indeed a nice flight. Now I'm in Chicago about to grab a hot dog with my buddy.

Happy April!

2009-04-05T15:56:00.003-04:00

I was asked by my brother to update my blog more frequently and so I will. I also have some cool ideas for some new segments. Not that any of you really want new segments. I highly recommend that you fine readers use Google Reader with this blog, so you don't have to keep checking all the time. The reader will just post when I post. It's nifty like that.

I'm sitting in the President's Club in Newark Airport waiting for my the second half of my leg back to Boston. I spent the weekend, though truncated, in Pittsburgh visiting my brother and sister-in-law. She's about 2 weeks from having my niece or nephew and so we got this idea to do a baby bachelor party, where the father can get drunk for one of the last times in a little while. I love visiting them. They are so chill and all of their friends are chill. It's like recentering every time I go there. I do love them a lot.

And it came at a good time as last week was no good. There was some personal stuff, which was not good. Then I found out that I'm one class shy of graduating grad school. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was all done crawling to the finish and then you tell me the 5K is really a 6K? I think I have an interim solution as I am going to take a class on the business side in the beginning of the summer that should put me in the clear.

Oh, and my breakneck race to spend every minute of my free time continues next weekend when I'll be in Chicago. Stay tuned. I might be the only person to get DVT traveling only for pleasure.

Total Miles Flown for 2009: 15,965.

Movies

2009-03-29T22:34:00.002-04:00

I was chastised by my brother Willett in Hong Kong for not writing enough. Granted this criticism came when he was a little drunk and called me on my cell phone at noon on Friday at work. It's not his fault. It was late in the evening when he called me. It's just rare to have those drunken phone conversations at your desk stone sober, because they go something like this from my end.

"What?"

"I can't understand you."

"No, I do care what you think."

"I'm not avoiding the question."

"I miss you too."

Etcetera etcetera. But all is good. I'm going to try and get out to see him in the fall perhaps.

I recently rented Oldboy from Netflix. It's a Korean thriller, that will no doubt be redone in America in 5 year much worse. I highly recommend the movie, as the director is a Hitchcock devotee and the end is incredible. It makes me sad that so much great film is from overseas, while we content ourselves with crappy comedies and remakes of asian horror movies. In my opinion, we make worse movies than cars.

Case in point, ConAir was on TNT tonight. It's a good movie from a popcorn action thriller genre, but Nicholas Cage's accent is awful. It's this sort of sometimes cajun, sometimes not accent. It makes me weep. He has been in far worse movies, but I just thought the contrast of what my TV showed me tonight was somewhat glaring. That's all.

Enjoy your week.

Graham rides a Virgin

2009-03-21T02:29:00.002-04:00

So I'm flying out to my friend Tory's wedding in LA this weekend. Tory is awesome and we stayed in touch since college. She is a super wonderful person and while a wedding in Cali two weeks after I've been there isn't the most convenient thing, she's a pretty special person and so I wanted to make an appearance.

So I decided to take Virgin America out there and then use my free flight on JetBlue on the redeye back. So let me give you my thoughts on Virgin.

* So I'm blogging from the airplane. This is cool. This makes an airplane and a bus I've blogged from. I need to find a boat and a train with wifi and I'll be all set. I was actually able to pull up the picture of the actual plane I'm flying on, so that's pretty sweet. Here it is:

* This flight is full of kids. I suppose I should say 20-somethings. I normally fly American as I have status and the average age on those flights is far older. It makes me feel old.
* Not having the exit row sucks. But I wasn't willing to pay $100 beans for it either.
* There's not a lot of room in this seat. The girl in front of me moves alot. So I'm terrified of the seatback coming back and cracking my screen, which I know is a common complaint for laptop users on airplanes.
* Virgin has this cool interactive touchscreen entertainment system called Red. Sweet right. Well, actually not so much. The touchscreen thing is annoying. The girl behind me keeps changing the channel or texting, or playing tetris and it's like she's poking me in the back. It's not very hard. Just hard enough to be mildly annoying.
* Maybe it's all the young people, but this is a sleepy flight. For leaving Logan at 4, there were a lot of people sleeping and window shades closed. This worries me. When I fly, I like to be able to see out the window, especially at take off. When the shades are drawn, it feels like I'm in some bizarre motion machine and I keep waiting for the takeoff. Call me crazy, but if the wing is on fire, I want to see it before the captain makes a calm announcement about it.

I think that's all I got so far. I'll write more when I maybe order food. You do that through the touch screen also. They have some commie roast beef on wheatberry bread or whatever the hell that is. I might also just snack and save myself for In N Out.

Evacuation Day

2009-03-17T21:18:00.002-04:00

Today is Evacuation Day. This is the day that the Brits left the City of Boston after the Colonists took to the high ground outside. However, it is also St. Patrick's Day. This is no coincidence. The heavily Irish legislature back in the day was looking for a way to celebrate today and they found the British evacuation occurred on the same day.

Which means that I was off today. I'm not sure how long I'll be working for the Commonwealth of MA, so I will take this opportunity any chance I get. It's almost as awesome as Confederate Memorial Day in Texas which also falls on the same day as MLK day. Not kidding.

So I was home and was watching daytime TV, and was pleased to see that Maury was on. I think all he does is paternity tests now. But they are awesome. Brothers with the same girl who want to know whose baby it is. I'm always amazed when the girl brings the guy on who she thinks was the father and it turns out not to be him. Then she goes running backstage inconsolable. I mean if you count back roughly nine months, how many guys could there be. I certainly wasn't a prude back in the day, but these people apparently get around.

If you're looking for more in-depth information on Maury, you can go to his link. You'll find awesome stories like this one:

Sholonda first came to the show because she suspected Billy, her boyfriend of 20 years, was living a secret double life and cheating on her. On the night of her birthday, when Billy was supposed to take her out for dinner at Red Lobster, she believed he was with another woman. Sholonda's suspicions were true. Billy failed the lie detector test. After the show, Sholonda and Billy stayed together, but they soon returned because Sholonda needed to reveal a secret to Billy. Out of revenge, Sholonda cheated on Billy with his own brother, Freddie. What happened?

You'll have to click on the link to find out.