I'm legit

So it's been hot up in Boston, and in an effort to push my toned body to the limit, I went running yesterday. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but it was good to clear the head and hear the loud super-fast beeping of my heart monitor. I learned a valuable lesson yesterday:

Serious runners don't run in boxer shorts.

I figured this out as I've always run in boxer shorts. If you saw me running, given my outfit, you probably wouldn't even think I was out for a run. You might think I was being chased by one of those early model zombies that walked stiffly. I wear a t-shirt, cotton shorts, sneakers and crew socks. (Thank God I learned not to wear the athletic socks) But the boxer shorts are not conducive to running as most of you probably know.

So, I walked to City Sports, which is a great local chain around here. I told the clerk that I realized that boxers were not the way to go, and she suggested compression shorts. Which are these:

Now obviously, I wouldn't be caught dead in those. I explained perhaps there was something that wouldn't require me to stuff a baked potato into before I go out. She then showed me the running shorts section. These have mesh underwear built inside them. Ahhh....clever. I get it.
However the first pair I looked at were this length:


What the hell is wrong with you people? I'm only trying to stay in shape, not audition for back-up dancer for the Pet Shop Boys. She asked what color I preferred. I told her the way I l looked when I ran it really didn't matter. It's not like any color is going to clash with a wheezing sweaty giant careening from one side of the street to the next. No hot women are going to pass by that guy and think first, "The green was a great color. Brought out his eyes."

So I found a longer length, and got black and blue pairs for a total of $60.

I spent $60 on running shorts. The world is clearly coming to an end. I'm going to try them out tomorrow as today was beyond hot.