Thursday, January 09, 2014

Soy Americano

So I learned today at my Wellness consult that I have joined the ranks of 35.7% of Americans who are obese.  This is not shocking.  I knew when I held that not-X-Box controller thing that beeped in judgement that the numbers wouldn't be good news.  To quote one of the finest thinkers of our time, these hips don't lie.

Also, the scale at the gym is different than the one at home, and I'm fatter by 3 pounds.  But I'm taking a whole Biggest Loser approach to this whole thing.  The bigger I am the easier the weight comes off.  Finished the consult and then I was in the gym alone, and it struck me.  My hatred of gyms.  Take large amounts of people working out and add low self-esteem, and no idea how to use machines, and simmer until nervous gas.  Now I'm a bright fella.  I realize that most of these people working out joined this gym about 6 days ago and at least one of them is sitting on the machine backwards and is very close to putting an eye out.  But that objective reality doesn't mesh with the fake reality that I create in my mind.  

See, I don't like exercise.  It comes from a long history of loathing organized sports, brought on by attending a private grade school that put an emphasis on sports and academics.  I was good at neither.  With competitive sports mandatory, I simply would set the bar incredibly low and seek to trip over it.  The only varsity letter I received in my collegiate career was in gymnastics, because you compete against yourself, and it wasn't physically possible that I could be worse than my first day on the rings.  Thankfully, there were no cell phone cameras back in 1991, otherwise you would be able to see my floor routine which consisted entirely of forward rolls and skipping.

The issue I have is that I generally haven't given exercise enough time to show results and then make me feel like its worth it.  I don't get a runner's high.  I'm often yawning while working out which probably isn't a good thing.  I have my first training session tonight at 7:30 and I'm going to see the guy weekly and then go at least twice more per week on my own.  That should help me get past the sense of uselessness I feel at the gym.

I'll let you know how it all goes.  Stay tuned, sports fans.  

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