The Power and Humility of Spectacles

So I've been running a few days a week for this whole Couch to 5K thing.  It's pretty cool and it's not that taxing.  It also allows me to work out three times a week and feel somewhat satisfied.  So normally I run with my glasses on until I sweat too much and then I put them in my pocket. But late last week, I put them in my pocket and now there is probably some mentally unstable homeless person in Dupont Circle wearing some dashing specs.  He better hope he has near sightedness in his right eye and far sightedness in his left eye, poor bastard.

So I was without glasses for the first time in a long time, and I realized that glasses can make you feel like you're 5 years old.  First, when you come in from the cold and your glasses fog up, thus making you look like an idiot.  Second, when you lose them and you can't see anything.  I like to imagine that famous men who wore glasses also have misplaced them, and looked foolish.  Like Jesus turning wine into water while squinting, and people throwing rocks at him.  Or Einstein* getting electrocuted while flying the kite because he misplaces his eyeglasses.

So I went yesterday to Lenscrafters and was again totally bewildered.  Choosing glasses is impossible.  They all seem to look the same after awhile.  Thank God Allyson was there with my to tell me what looked okay.  Lenscrafters also has this screen that takes photos of you in 4 pairs of glasses for you to compare.  It really works.  So I chose a pair.  Does anyone knows how much glasses cost?  I'm not talking the lenses, but the frames.  The thing that holds the actual medical devices to allow you to see were $290.


Because my eyes are so screwed, the glasses will take two weeks.  You know how Lenscrafters says you can get glasses in about an hour? I'm clearly the about part.

* My friend Nicole, who recently moved from Philadelphia, reminded me that it was Ben Franklin who actually flew the kite to test electricity.  But I like to think that he looks like Einstein if you're not wearing your glasses. 

The 9/11 Post

So in thinking about this post, I looked back at previous posts.  It turns out that 5 years ago, I wrote a post bemoaning the fact that people didn't think of this day like they should have.  And then after that I just posted photos of people and remembered. 

So this year, the 10th anniversary, I put on the NYPD bike shirt, a stylish shirt with patches on both sleeves and reflective letters reading out "NYPD" on the back.  And I went to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial at Judiciary Square and just sat.  I sat down and remembered.  Not only those officers who we lost on 9/11, but also those we lost after.  I feel a special connection to Moira Smith, as I heard her put over the 10-13 in the rubble, and that has always made me feel closer to her, even though we never met and I only saw her daughter on the day that she was awarded the Medal of Honor. 

I cried.  For awhile.  For a bunch of reasons . Survivor guilt, sadness, and also the memories of that day.  And I thought about all of them, including James Godbee and Bobby Grossman who we lost later, after breathing in the air at Ground Zero.  God I miss those guys.  I then met up with friends and my girlfriend for beers at a local bar.  My NYPD shirt didn't get a second look, and I think that would have bothered me a few years ago.  And I've realized something important over these past years. 

It's not about me. 

I miss my friends and I will never forget them.  Even though remembering parts of that day are harder and harder for me, it doesn't mean I wasn't there.  I am so proud to have worn the same uniform as my fallen brothers and sisters.  When asked later in life, what job I most identify myself with, there's no doubt that the NYPD is it.  Best people I've ever worked with. 

I hope that wherever you are, you're surrounded by love.  And that you realize that you are special.  If not, email me and I'll tell you how special you are.  We honor their memory by toasting them and being phenomenal people. 

How to handle 9/11

So it's currently 9/10/2011.  Tomorrow, of course is the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.  And I called my friend Caleb a few weeks ago and asked what he was doing for 9/11, and he paused and said he hadn't thought of it like that.  I guess it is weird to ask people what they're doing for that day, like it was Labor Day weekend or something like that. 

But I guess it makes sense to me as I knew I was going to do something different that day.  I suppose that I've always thought that 9/11 was different.  And as I left New York for Boston and then now for DC, I felt somewhat distant when people aren't as connected to that day as I am. 

Don't get me wrong.  I don't go to the public ceremonies of remembrance on that day.  I think that people do most of their personal remembering and thinking in small groups and not large ceremonies.  It always made me feel out of place though, when people would be bothered by dumb work shit on 9/11 or like today, seeing all the girls with their huge sunglasses at brunch.  I was thinking that those girls will be back tomorrow morning to talk about their Saturday night exploits without a second thought about what happened 10 years ago.  Of course, for many of them, they were barely in high school probably. 

So tomorrow, I'm planning on going to the Law Enforcement Memorial in the morning.  I'm going to wear my NYPD bike shirt, just because I feel like wearing my colors.  Granted, it's probably illegal to wear a uniform shirt when you're not an active officer, but I'm not really thinking anyone will care tomorrow.  After spending some time at the memorial and thinking about the events of that day and those after it, I'm going to find a bar.  There's a place that's a bar that does brunch, but should be pretty quiet.  Well, as quiet as a bar that on the first Sunday of football can be. I'm mostly just looking to avoid people eating doing "brunch" on 9/11. 

But I think that people will remember that day in a variety of different ways.  Memorials, ceremonies, etc.  My friend is going to the see the Giants take on the Redskins at FedEx Field, which I think is an equally good way to celebrate the City of New York.  For while 9/11 is a memory of a horrible scar on the city, it's also a celebration of the city that it was right after that terrible day.  So overpaying for beer and screaming on the boys in blue is quite appropriate.

I think some people won't think twice about 9/11 tomorrow unless it's jammed down their throat by Facebook messages or CNN.  But others will need no reminding and will find their own way to mourn and celebrate the events of 10 years ago.  And those are the people that I'll raise a glass to, tomorrow afternoon. 

Early Morning Travel

So this morning, I'm on the way to Atlanta very early.  One of the reasons it's so early is that I needed to connect in Charlotte, where I currently am.  Now, Delta has a direct flight which takes two hours, but I'm not a Delta frequent flyer.  I'm a US Air flyer.  And I need all of my miles in order to get to 50,000 by November which is when the girlfriend and I go to Budapest.  And 50,000 miles puts me at Star Alliance Gold, and lounge access through Europe.  So that's why I have time to blog this morning. Here are a few early morning thoughts:

• When I left DCA, it was rainy and very foggy.  The top of the Washington Monument was even obscured by fog.  But within 3 minutes of our taking off, we broke through the cloud layer and were in crystal blue skies.  I love that.  Its nice to remember that even in the worst weather, it's beautiful just above.  
• I'm at the US Airways lounge, which I have access to through my Amex Platinum Card.  It grants access to US, Delta, and American lounges when flying those airlines.  And the TV is showing Headline News.  I don't like CNN.  I find it to be a network with lots of gimmicks and not much heart.  But CNN Headline News is terrible.  I think when CNN used to have stories of substance and length, Headline News was designed to give you the important news quickly and continuously.  

          However, with CNN in a 30-second news cycle itself, that turns Headline News into some sort of ADD  paradise with stories in 15 seconds, pop music and over the top hosts.  This woman, who is some sort of spawn of perky hucksterism and vapid USA Today journalism, could report on a school bus fire with a smile and then pass it to Tony with the weather. No Robin, I won't tweet you a hello that I will hope you read on air.  I have....what's that word...dignity.  Headline News is the terrible.

• I'm off to find a Starbucks to find my latest new thing.  Iced Quad Venti.  This is four shots of espresso in a large cup, filled to the top with ice.  You pour milk to the top to finish it off.  It's around $3.50 and it's a jolt in the morning.  I must thank my old partner Will for this find.  My fear of course is that if not taken in some moderation, I will eventually need 5 shots.  

Photo of Canary Wharf in London courtesy of the Daily Mail. 

I'm currently in Burlington, Vermont, working at the recently moved Vermont EOC.  The original EOC is inaccessible due to flooding.  So I'm working on the midnight shift and it's pretty slow.  So I found this headline.

Man accused of having sex with pool raft had also violated inflatable pumpkin

I think there's nothing more I need to say about that.  

See the story here....

Updated

This is the face of a pool/pumpkin lover.....

Good Morning

So as the sun broke on the District this morning, my air conditioner was blowing freezing cold air and the sun was shining.  I put my feet down on the floor and they didn't get wet, so I'm alright.  I think the hurricane passed without much to do. 

I might be headed down to Virginia for work today.  Rented my SUV and I should be all set.  I'm glad to see that New York City is not underwater. 

Hurricane Watch LiveBlog

I thought it would be kind of fun to do a live blog like other actual news sites, even though I don't know what I'm doing.  

Saturday, August 27, 2011

8:58 AM: All is quiet here.  The Starbucks is apparently doing good business and my air conditioner is keeping my apartment like a meat locker, just the way I like it.  I'm closely monitoring the storm down in the Hampton Roads area, where I've done work and have some friends. I hope they do alright.

9:48: Just returned from Starbucks.  You can smell the desperation and the fear in the long line that people might be without their passionfruit lemonade or no-whip, half-caf, sugar-free mocha for 16 hours or more.  God knows what people are going to do without  Sunday brunch?  The rending of the garments has begun.  Also stopped by the ATM bolted into the pizza place to get cash.  I realize that I might need gold in the post-landfall environment, but cash will have to do.  I also realize that my card could have been skimmed and is now being used in Albania, but I'm okay with that.

9:50: Stiff breeze for about 14 seconds at 16th St. and U St. NW, I'm pretty sure Pepco dropped 12,000 customers right then.

10:52: I realized I took out $150 and spent $9 at Starbucks.  I'm not very good at this preparedness.  But I am caffeinated. Also, my friend who lives literally a block north of me as lost power, and there's still no rain.  This does not bode well.  Oh, and there's some jackass named Mike Seidel who reports from The Weather Channel and he's standing on Nag's Head beach getting pelted with sand.  He's clearly the dumbest man I know, and I hope that Darwin takes care of him.

11:35: The rain has begun.  God have mercy on all our souls.

12:23: It occurs to me that if we do lose power, this blog will go kaput.  So if I don't post for a few hours, that means I'm looking for the fattest people in my building to eat.  Which reminds me of the awesome South Park episode where they get snowed in and Jimbo wants to resort to cannibalism  because he wants a snack. 

12:30: The weather bunny on our NBC affiliate was on a remote shoot and said she felt stupid standing out there without any rain, but she's glad now that the rain has picked up.  We're getting some harder rain, but apparently not enough to stop soccer tryouts in Pentagon City.  Clearly this storm is terrifying people.

1353: There are reports of roving gangs in polo shirts looting stores in Georgetown for brown flip-flops.  Also, this hurricane is a flop so far.  It's raining but I'm going to probably hit the store for beer later.

1458: Going out for a drink at the local bar and maybe a bite.  You know what the worst thing about this hurricane is?  There is no good TV on.  I mean seriously?  Everyone is indoors.  Points to the naked guys in Virginia Beach though.  One love.

1740: Back from the bar.  It's good to know that you can get a great bocadillo at a nice bar that is still open.  Also we had hurricanes, which are sooo funny to have during a hurricane.  Very meta.  Now back home, though the rain has picked up with the wind a bit.  I think we'll still go out tonight, because in a city you only need to walk two blocks to drink and eat.

1918: The Starbucks has closed early, probably for the "safety" of their "staff." I think we've hit full panic mode now.  Even though the rain still doesn't seem that bad. You know what I found out tonight, there is some bad TV on. Like Community, for example.

2039: We have ordered chinese food for delivery.  I think we did it just to test the fortitude of the local asian community.  I love living in a city.  In the country, you probably wouldn't get delivery in a hurricane, though granted this feels mainly like a Noreaster.

2233: We also ordered Uno's. I'm toying with the idea of testing the fortitude of the delivery community over the course of the hurricane.  Also, the NYT has a current headline that reads "Wall of Water Rushes Toward NYC"  I'm sure this headline either scares people or makes them into disbelievers.  A lot of people wonder how Battery Park can flood.  It's called storm surge and the short explanation is as follows:


Water is pushed just like the air.  And so the water gets pushed towards the shore, which is okay when the water is deep, but as it gets closer to the shore, the land rises and pushes the water up and over the land.  Here's a cool animated graphic to show it.  There are also SLOSH (Sea, Lake and Overland Surge to Hurricanes) maps for coastal jurisdictions.  Here is the report on NYC's vulnerability to hurricanes.  The city has a bight which makes it particularly susceptible.


Sunday August 28, 2011 


0030: Watched two movies on Netflix.  The rain is expected to continue and thousands of people are out of power.  I'm turning in.  Hopefully my air conditioner runs faithfully through the night and I can update you that I haven't floated away.  But so far, so good.  Goodnight Irene.

On the Sidelines

So it's Saturday morning, and I just went for a run at around 7:45 AM.  I hate running.  And I love sleeping.  Indeed, the idea of leaving my beautiful girlfriend in the bed while I go sweat outside seems highly counter-intuitive.  But running clears my head.  And I'm distracted and couldn't sleep.  And it was a woman that had me all wrapped up.  This woman.....

Yes, Hurricane Irene has me feeling down.  Not because I'm scared of losing electricity or my roof falling off.  Though our power company is so awful it's like their Satan's Electricians. If you see the track of the storm, not only does it pass over my current city of Washington, DC, but it also passes over the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, for whom I used to work.  And right now, I'd be 40 feet underground in a Cold War bunker west of Boston, preparing for landfall with a bunch of other people.  But instead, I'm sitting sweating on my couch. 

This is the first time in my professional career that I've not had a position that is working when other people aren't.  Living in Massachusetts, I never had to worry about my power going out or having enough food during Noreasters or blizzards.  Because where I would be was powered by huge Cat generators and there was always food 24 hours a day.  Don't get me wrong, I'm engaged in storm activities at my current job, but it's different.  It's about getting business and not helping people, though I suppose some could frame it as getting people's business will be helping them.  But I can't.

Even in DC, I want to know how where the city floods and how many boats we have and what the power outages are.  Although I should give Satan's Electricians credit for telling you in great detail where their customers are burning them in effigy.  I see I have neighbors out already.  This does not bode well, considering it's not yet started to rain. 

I want to be in a room with no windows and glowing plasma screens and terrible coffee.  And I want to sleep on an aerobed for 4 hours and consider myself well-rested.  I want to brief the Governor and have him know my name and trust my thoughts, because I had all that.  And it's hard sitting on the sidelines. 

I need to get back in...

I am Norwegian and I am sad

To the four people who read this blog, I'm sure you don't read it for news.  If you did, you would probably not know that we're at war or that the Arab Spring happened.  So I'm sure people know about the tragedy in Norway.  Currently the death toll stands at  92, with over 80 of those being children gunned down at a summer camp by a guy dressed as a police officer.  Now I have plenty of thoughts about the fact that because this guy is white, no one seems to be calling him a terrorist, but I'll save that for later. 

Now I'd just like to say that this day is probably akin to 9/11 in Norway, except there won't be tons of Americans waving Norwegian flags or leaving flowers and posters at embassies and consulates.  And that saddens me.  As we approach the 10th anniversary of a terrible day in our history, where the world stood with us and we are so insulated as a nation, people care more about the NFL season going through, much less thinking of outward displays of solidarity with the people of Norway. 

Well I was there at 9/11.  I dug through the pile and I stood down there and remember all of it.  And I remember the English Bobbies of the Met lined up in full dress uniform to pay respects, and firehouses all over the world draped in black bunting.  And I want to tell Norway, that today I am Norwegian,  and I am with you.  You are not alone and we do remember our friends. 

God bless you. You'll get through this.  We always do. 

The Weekend Your Primary Care Physician Warned You About

So this weekend, I flew to Columbus to meet up with my brother Ross and continue on our epic quest to win a satin jacket from a bar by drinking 100 beers in one year.  The three brothers started this quest in January, which was designed to coincide with visits to visit our 2 year old niece who lives in Colum time, bus where my brother teaches at OSU.  However this time, the family is in China where Broxton has been doing research on lakes.  So, with our beer count at 37, Ross and I decided to fly out to Columbus, stay at a hotel nearby one of the bars, and get it down.  So lets get down to the numbers, shall we?

• Number of miles traveled: 646 miles
• Number of beers imbibed: 30 (actually 32 if you count the airport bar waiting for Ross to show up)
• Number of sprained ankles: 1 (Ross thought he was Superman)
• Current Beer Total: 67 
• Numbers of Baconaters consumed: 1
• Number of plush toys won in the claw game: 2

So I don't advise you to do this.  Drinking 30 beers doesn't seem like a lot, but these are not Miller Lites.  These beers are Belgian and English and have names like Tripel and Doublebock.  Drinking for two days straight and missing daylight, which while necessary to the task at hand, is not for the feint of heart.  And I will never be doing that again.  I can't even look at beer.

It's a good thing that I have a lovely family out there, because it gives us reasons to slow down and drink leisurely.  I'm flying out to Atlanta tomorrow for work.  I am going to sleep the Odin sleep tonight. 

Saturday Saturday Saturday!!!

So this Saturday found me at M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore for Monster Truck Jam.  I got these tickets through Goldstar which is like Groupon for events, shows and other stuff.  I am a large fan.  Anyway, when I saw they were available, I immediately snatched them up and sent an email to all my DC friends to the effect of "ZOMG! Monster Truck Fest!  Let's all go!" And you know what?  Not that many people in my friend circle are apparently into monster trucks. 

I did wrangle another couple to come with my gf and I and we had a great time.  I learned a lot.  Here are some highlights. 

• There was a lot more diversity than I thought there was going to be.  I was expecting mullets and guinea T's, but it turns out that every race's kids apparently like watching giant trucks drive over things.  Except the asians.  Probably too busy studying...
• Some people actually follow this stuff and individual drivers, which is kind of sad because while I understand that it can't be easy to drive a giant truck over a bus, I'm pretty sure it involves more luck than skill.  
• Grave Digger is very big.  Last night, there were three Grave Diggers
• Grave Digger (The original apparently)
• Grave Digger Legend (Oddly not the original)
• Son of a Digger (Not making this up.  Driven by the son of the guy driving Grave Digger) 

So that was a little strange because you figure there's a much better chance of one of them winning, since there's three of them. 

•  Feld Entertainment, owners of Ringling Brothers, also runs this event around the country and....owns Grave Digger.  So I would imagine they have a lot more invested in one of the 45 Grave Diggers winning, to increase t-shirt sales
• The drivers are all very, very thankful for the crowd, as they yell into the microphone over and over again.  One of them even called Baltimore a mini Las Vegas.  Which tells me that this guy hasn't been to either Vegas or Baltimore. If you Google Image Search for Baltimore here are the two cities.  Which one would you rather visit? 

So you can see the similarity.  All in all, it was a good time.  Loud and different.  Though the announcer, who was like the Mean Gene Okerlund of monster trucks, was a buffoon who kept telling people how excited they should be that we were going to be on Speed TV

My final thought is that when the trucks crash in spectacular fashion, everyone loves it, but before the crowd can get concerned for the driver, this truck with lights flashing comes out.   I thought it was a fire crew truck, but then some dude started shooting T-shirts out of the bed of it.  You would have thought they were UN Food Shipments in Haiti.  Mind Boggling. 

Sundays

I got a Groupon or Living Social deal for two months of Sunday delivery of the Washington Post.  And I love it.  Not probably enough to actually order it without a discount, but you never know.  As a sidebar, I think the fact that I can't remember whether it was a Groupon or a Living Social deal probably doesn't bode well for their branding. 

Anyway, it reminded me of college where on Sundays, we would go get brunch and all gather around the tables and someone would buy the Times (or more likely you'd find spare copies left) and we'd read and pass sections around.  They even had a guy playing on the piano.  Looking back on it, I'm reminded once again of how awesome college was.  I wonder if in the future the kids will all have their heads buried in their tablets, which is slightly depressing.  But maybe it's not. 

Sunday is the day of rest and I think its probably the only day that everyone, religious or not, listens to God.  It literally is a day where they shifted a whole meal period at least 4 hours later and added alcohol.  As an aside, I hate brunch.  I find it annoyingly filled with lots of people who have brown flip-flops on their feet and sunglasses on the back of their head.  Besides, I like eating breakfast at a diner stool for about $6.  The idea that people regularly pay three times that for basically the same food seems ridiculous. 

Blurgh....

I have now realized why a red-eye is a red-eye.  I slept probably for around 3 hours or so on the flight from San Francisco to Charlotte.  I'm going to be totally useless today.  Which is unfortunate as I have a training to give in 5 hours. 

The Treatment Excuse

So in the long amount of time that has passed since blog posts, there was a scandal that everyone knows about.  Anthony Weiner (D-NY) was busted texting and using social media to flirt with women all around the country.  Single mothers, blackjack dealers, college students, and apparently a 17 year old in Delaware. The bizarre thing is that the interactions all went the same way, from 5 mph to 88 mph.

Random Girl: Hey!! OMG You are the coolest rep ever.  Way to stick it to the Republicans!!!
Weiner: Thanks.  What are you doing?
RG: Hanging out.  About to make dinner
W: About to make dinner naked?

Everyone is outraged.  Liberals, conservatives.  And Weiner is taking a leave of absence and entering treatment.  This is what pisses me off.  I'm not exactly sure what treatment he's going to get, but I'm guessing some form of therapy.

I've been in therapy for most of my adult life.  Starting when I was a kid and my parents got divorced and put me into therapy I think to assuage their guilt that they might screw me up.  Didn't work, mostly because 50 minutes a week doesn't negate all the crap that your kids witness and get the rest of the week.  I've had good therapists and bad therapists, but the fact of the matter is that therapy is work and it takes time to identify patterns and histories and to work to change those you can and to accept those you can't.  And being self-aware can suck.  It results in much more thinking and processing and sometimes you just wish you could float through life.  Though I know that in the long run, its better to work through this all before it squeezes out later in life.

So with all that being said, Weiner knew what he was doing was wrong.  He could have sought therapy at any point in the last 3 years to talk about it with someone and identify why he was doing that, what it did for him and what he could do to try and change it.  Instead he got caught in a really bad way and is entering treatment, which could be meds or therapy.  But either way, it takes time.  It's taken me over a decade to get at issues that are much less acute than Weiner's, so he could be in "treatment" for awhile.  Or maybe he could be as lucky as Ted Haggard who went from gay to straight in 3 weeks.  Maybe I should see those people for 50 minutes a week. 

The fact is that therapy takes real work and dedication.  When celebrities or politicians get caught doing something untoward and then enter treatment, it tells people that you don't have to work on the problem before it explodes.  Which, to use a term not in the DSM-IV, is bullshit.

Memorial Day

Given that this is Memorial Day, I'd like to take a little bit of time today to highlight the sacrifice of those we're supposed to be remembering.  There was an article in the now defunct Rocky Mountain Times from 2008 that won the Pulitzer.  It's called "Final Salute, written by Jim Sheeler, and details the story of a Marine Corps Casualty Assistance Officer.  This is the position that is the liaison between the deceased's family and the military.


Click here for the article. 

Here is the pulitzer prize winning photo set. 

I know nobody reads newspapers anymore, but articles like this think that maybe we should.

Have a happy and safe day, everybody.

Photo courtesy of Todd Heisler

Capitol Limited: West Virginia

Greetings from Martinsville, West Virginia.  Of course, the town is actually rolling by me right now.  I'm sitting in a Sleeper car with my girlfriend Allyson and it's a little tight.  We're essentially in two seats facing each other with a big picture window and some hooks for clothing. It's called a Roomette, which you can tell by the suffix means its pretty small.  

The Lounge car is pretty cool.  It has panoramic seats.  We have 7 PM reservations in the dining car, which I'm looking forward to.  So far most of the passengers seem to be tourists from the UK and seniors.  I'll write more in a bit.  It's rude to type on the computer when you're 2 feet from another person who's looking right at you. 

Best Week for Kids with Aspergers

I think the only person who might know what week this is would be my friend Nicole, who is a child psychologist who works with autistic kids.  It's National Transportation Week.  Even the President says so. So I have some transportation posts this week, and by week I mean Thursday through Sunday.  I've been playing LA Noire nonstop since I got it and it's essentially taken over my life. 

So most people know about Zipcar.  It's a car sharing program that allows you to basically borrow a car for an hourly fee to run errands to see people.  Zipcar takes care of the insurance and the gas.  They'll even pay you if you wash the car.  And they're parked all over the place.  Well, last fall DC got this concept for bikes.  It's called Capital Bikeshare and it has changed my life.

Allow me to be honest.  I think the last time I rode my bike was in high school.  I'm pretty sure I haven't ridden a bicycle since then.  As a New Yorker, you pretty much walk or take mass transit.  And as a cop and then a Masshole, I ended up driving most places.  But when these bright red bikes started appearing all over DC, and they had a yearly rate of $50 for a limited time, I jumped on it.  I thought, even if I don't ride it, I'll support it.

 

They give you this cool little RFID fob that you place inside a bike dock, which looks like this: 

And then you hear a little bike bell ring, the light turns green and you remove the bike from the dock.  The first 30 minutes are free.  And then it's $1.50 for the next 30 minutes and like $3 for the next 30 minutes, steadily increasing as the time goes on.  They tell you flat out that this is not meant for bike tours.  This system is designed to run down to the grocery store, or to ride 6 minutes to your girlfriend's apartment.  In my 8 months of using the system, I've gone over 30 minutes once.  Some people are compulsive about it and end up docking and undocking their bikes mid-journey to restart the clock, but I don't really mind giving to a good cause.  Besides, my out of shape ass can't tolerate more than 60 minutes on a bicycle.

My first time riding to work, I remember pedaling down this hill towards Dupont Circle and I had this huge grin on my face and I think I actually screamed out "Wheee" which I'm sure got some looks.  But it just brought me right back to that joy of speed that you reveled in as a child.

The system has become wildly popular, which has it's ups and downs.  On the upside, more people are biking which is good for the roads because it increases awareness and drivers get more accustomed to seeing bikes and sharing space.  It also proves that this concept works , which wasn't a foregone conclusion given the last experiment in the district. And the downside is that it can be harder to find a bike when you want one, especially because all the traffic flows south in the mornings to the government buidings and then north in the evenings to the residential areas.  Also, there's a bunch of rubes pedaling around without helmets on their cellphones, so they could use some socialization as well.

I think that Capital Bikeshare is a definite perk of living in DC and it has changed the way I look at traveling short distances, because biking is always more fun and always faster.  It's coming to Boston this summer, and I hope my former neighbors have as much fun with it as I do.  Shout out to all the hard working people at Alta who actually operate the system and fix and move the bikes.  They are like the unseen gnomes of this entire process.  Though I'm sure some of them are quite tall. 

Stay tuned for my next entry as I take my first long distance train ride in a sleeper car this weekend. 

Hurrr...

Eating cottage cheese makes me want to vomit.  I woke up too late to make eggs and so I'm trying to get down this stuff.  I can tolerate it, but it's not pleasant.  They should make some bib that goes from the bottom of your nose to the top of a dish or a container, to prevent you from looking at what you're eating.  Because cottage cheese looks like something you eject and not ingest.  It also looks like the beginning stage for all of those things you love, but don't want to know how it's made, like Cheese Doodles. 

This is still better than that greek plain fat-free yogurt.  I need to wash my mouth out now.  Excuse me.  .

I'm on South Beach

Not in Miami, but in my kitchen 

I'm on the second week of the acclaimed South Beach Diet, which is a 3-phase test.  The first phase lasts two weeks and denies me:

• Carbs
• Fruit
• Sugar
• Alcohol

This, I'll admit sounds terrible.  But when you're able to eat a bacon and cheese omelet in the morning, it's okay.  I will admit it's weird eating deli meats out of the container and not in a sandwich.  I feel like a kid in Lord of the Flies as ham falls off my chin.  Salads are my friend.  Especially when you can have chef's salads and buffalo chicken salads.  Feels wrong, but it is sooo right. 

And the drinking thing isn't too tough.  Except for this past Saturday when I attended a wedding.  Now at the risk of sounding like a member of a 12-step program,  let me say that weddings without booze aren't much fun.  Everyone is drinking, hell the toasts require a drink.  I relied on the old AA standby of club soda with a lime.  Looks like a gin and tonic, but in no way does it smell or taste like a gin and tonic. 

And to top it all off, my bathroom scale is broken.  Well, that's somewhat inaccurate.  It works, but it just gives about 2-3 different amounts for your weight when you step on it.  But I have stepped on the scale a week into the diet and averaged the results from both weeks and it looks like I'm losing weight, even though I don't feel like it. 

I will clear Phase 1 just in time for a trip to Chicago, so I can have pizza and a hot dog in a bun at Wrigley, so I don't look like some freak. 

Clubs are like work....

So I promised to write about why I hate clubs and one of my few fans even said she was looking forward to it, so here gors.  I went to this club in AC called Mur Mur,  Yes, it's a dumb name.  I actually had to buy shoes to go in there because I was wearing sneakers.  I tried to explain that they were casual hiking boots, but that didn't fly with the woman with lots of cleavage.  So the group of guys and I went to the store at the Bellagio, where my old partner (who felt bad I had to buy shoes) bought me a pair of Calvin Klein slippers for $100.  Actually these shoes, which Zappos is selling for $98, so it's not as terrible a deal as I thought.  However I did end up looking like some sort of Italian jabroni.  For those not Italian or from Hawaii or the Pacific Northwest, the definition for that word is here. So I go into the club and there's a sign saying that men pay $25 and women pay $20.  I ask if it matters if I'm a pre-op tranny who may look like a woman but feels like a man.  This girl gives me a look like I went to her house, punched her mother in the stomach and told her Nonnie that she couldn't cook.  I paid the $25.

And now I'm in the club and there's lots of girls wearing not a lot of clothing.  And lots of guys with enough product in their hair to straighten Weird Al's hair.  And it's dark and loud and the fog machine is on overdrive. 

The guys I'm with wanted to get bottle service.  If you don't know what that is, because you're normal, it's when the club will sell you a bottle of liquor and allow you to sit at a table.  Let's say you like Grey Goose, and can buy the bottle for $40 at any store.  At a club, that bottle will run you $400, without tax and tip (which is mandatory 20%).  I should mention that they throw in the mixers for free, so they're practically giving it away.  The allureof bottle service is that you get to sit and look cool.  And many times girls will come over to drink your bottle and pretend to talk to you.  And you get to feel like a baller for one night before you go back to your job as an Asst Branch Manager for Enterprise or something.  The club wanted us to get 3 bottles which we declined. 

Things I don't like:

• Douchebags
• Expensive drinks
• Noisy ass places
• Cool, hip places

And I don't dance.  I dance the hell out of weddings, but I don't dance in the way that's supposed to attract the opposite sex.  Which is fine because I have a lovely girlfriend.  But I fully believe in dancing like no one is watching. And when drunk, I use moves like rubbing my nipples and biting the collar of my shirt.  Very hot, I assure you.

So I spent the night drinking $9 rum and diet cokes, and standing up against a wall with my arms folded and one foot propped agaist the wall, bent at the knee. Just like old times as a cop.  I look totally unapproachable, which is okay, because I'd have to yell at the top of my lungs to talk to anyone.  So I just sit there and marvel at the show, and how people can be having so much fun.

Fatburger at 5AM made up for it though......Faaattbuuuurgeeer (Said in affect of a zombie)