Monday, December 31, 2007

Merry New Year

That title keeps with the Trading Places theme.

On this, the last day of 2007, I sit here in Morrisville, VT just outside of Stowe. Stowe you say? You must be enjoying some hard-core winter sports! Not so much, I went cross-country skiing yesterday and fell about 341 times in about 2 hours. I got snow in places my doctor can't even find, and I broke the coat rack of the lodge trying to prevent my face from being one with the wall. Good thing that those cross-country people are super chill. Case in point, on my 35th wipeout of the day, I was buried in a snowdrift with my head poking out and a couple came up the trail. I joked to the guy, "Stay away from this part, it's deep over here." To which he replied "Right on man, thanks." Ah stoners.

So I'm in a small house with about 9 members of my family or their girlfriends/wives. Booze is really the key here, people. It's like the lubricant to get through family gatherings. So wishing you all the best in the upcoming year. And if you're not with someone on this lamest of holidays, fear not. For there's always booze and Twilight Zone marathons, and the Stooges. And me.

Be good everybody.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone. Hope this finds you all happy and with friends or family today.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Boob Tube

So I was watching TV a week or so ago and flipping through the Comcast on-screen menu and saw The Wedding Planner. No big deal. Awful J-Lo movie with Matt McConaughey, don't care about the story dreck. This is no big deal, as there's crap on TV all the time. But it was on AMC. American Movie Classics. Now I know they call themselves AMC now. This is reminiscent of how Kentucky Fried Chicken changed their name to KFC. Many said it's because legally they weren't allowed to call it chicken.

So as a film fan, I realized how much I do love the classics and to call this movie a classic pissed me off. So I did what any red-blooded American would do. I wrote an e-mail.

Here is the letter:

From: Ramblings of a Civil Servant
Date: December 9th, 2007 11:31PM

To Whom it May Concern,

I was watching TV a few nights ago and noticed that AMC was showing The Weddling Planner, starring Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey. I wonder if perhaps had aired this by mistake, because this movie hardly could be considered a classic. First, it came out in 2001. I've got things in my fridge older than that. Second, it is an awful movie. This is not really open to debate. Rotten Tomatoes gives it a rating of 15% which is very bad. Very, very bad.

Please don't show this movie again. Screen the Godfather or Ben Hur anytime you see this movie coming up in your lineup. And if there was an intern who told you this was a good movie for your channel, fire him. Okay, make him watch the Godfather and then fire him. Note that I didn't say Godfather 3, which is almost as large a piece of crap as The Wedding Planner. Or you can continue to screen The Wedding Planner, but just change the name of your channel to Additional Mindless Cinema or something like that.



They haven't written back.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Spotters Ready! Gladiators Ready!

Holy Crap. It's on. I remember this like it was yesterday. My favorite game was the one where they used all kinds of different weapons to fire foam projectiles.

Though for some AG love, and to get you pumped for the redux, here's the Eliminator