Saturday, August 25, 2012

Sending a Camera to Uranus

So Monday I'm having a procedure that requires the following things.  Can anyone guess what it is?
  • TriLyte
  • Ducolax tablets
  • 2 Fleet enemas
Well, if you haven't already guessed what wonders of science I'm going to enjoy, I'll tell you.  I'm getting a colonoscopy!  That's right.  A giant Nigerian man is going to put a camera up my ass and snake that thing like a plumber.  And the above meds are all designed to have me completely empty my nether regions so its not like scuba diving in the Hudson.  That Trilyte is a gallon of solution and apparently tastes like ass, so there are flavor packets.

Some of you who know me may have heard my story about previous issues with my doctor in Boston and my rectal health.  Suffice it to say, its an in person story and not for eyes and ears of children.  But it was there I discovered I had hemorrhoids like the rest of America.  Some of you also may remember my other odd medical checks, like my mammogram.  I really believe in getting the most out of my healthcare.  

Anyway, I'm not expecting anything serious.  I have unexplained urgency sometimes which causes me to go from 0 to "Holy Shit I need to go" and that's not always convenient.  So my doctor, said aforementioned giant Nigerian, said this would be relatively simple.  Actually the words he used were "A monkey could do this," which made me laugh and then wonder if there actually was going to be a monkey doing this.  That would probably be the only thing Aetna would cover.  Humans doing the procedure is probably the higher tiered plan.

So tomorrow I do my flush and I'll be blogging about it, just for you dear readers.  Because you need to know what this is like.  I am all about public service clearly.  This also means I'm eating a lot of red meat today.  Just to pass it all tomorrow.  I feel like if I'm spending time on the can tomorrow, I might as well make it worth it, right?  


Griff said...


maikib said...

can't wait. Oh, wait...

P.S. monkeys would probably be more expensive.