The Probe has Returned

So, I heard from some of you that this whole gastrointestinal posting was a little too much information and I can understand that.  The experience really wasn't that bad, as compared to the prep, which reminded me of this oldie but a goodie from SNL.




Anyway, as I was leaving the doctor's office, he came up to me with this huge smile and said "You owe me some beers, man.  That polyp I removed was huge!" And he said it while laughing.  I'm guessing he's not concerned about this, which means I won't be concerned about this, which normally I'd be concerned about.  They're doing the biopsy now and I'll have the results in less than a week.  Turns out I have a history of colon cancer in the fam, so it's a good thing I went under.  My brother just made his appointment.  I told him to look at the guy's hands when he shakes them to judge the size of his fingers.

And the Mets suck.  That's all.

Sending a Camera to Uranus

So Monday I'm having a procedure that requires the following things.  Can anyone guess what it is?

• TriLyte
• Ducolax tablets
• 2 Fleet enemas

Well, if you haven't already guessed what wonders of science I'm going to enjoy, I'll tell you.  I'm getting a colonoscopy!  That's right.  A giant Nigerian man is going to put a camera up my ass and snake that thing like a plumber.  And the above meds are all designed to have me completely empty my nether regions so its not like scuba diving in the Hudson.  That Trilyte is a gallon of solution and apparently tastes like ass, so there are flavor packets.

Some of you who know me may have heard my story about previous issues with my doctor in Boston and my rectal health.  Suffice it to say, its an in person story and not for eyes and ears of children.  But it was there I discovered I had hemorrhoids like the rest of America.  Some of you also may remember my other odd medical checks, like my mammogram.  I really believe in getting the most out of my healthcare.  

Anyway, I'm not expecting anything serious.  I have unexplained urgency sometimes which causes me to go from 0 to "Holy Shit I need to go" and that's not always convenient.  So my doctor, said aforementioned giant Nigerian, said this would be relatively simple.  Actually the words he used were "A monkey could do this," which made me laugh and then wonder if there actually was going to be a monkey doing this.  That would probably be the only thing Aetna would cover.  Humans doing the procedure is probably the higher tiered plan.

So tomorrow I do my flush and I'll be blogging about it, just for you dear readers.  Because you need to know what this is like.  I am all about public service clearly.  This also means I'm eating a lot of red meat today.  Just to pass it all tomorrow.  I feel like if I'm spending time on the can tomorrow, I might as well make it worth it, right?