Heart of Gold

I first met Rebecca Buck in 2000 at the 28th Precinct.  I had just gotten out of field training and sent to evening shift. She was a 30 year old newly pressed Sergeant in the NYPD and she had come to evenings.  Specifically she had come to the best squad on evenings, C-2.  As a bit of an explainer, there are three Platoons in a precinct (Midnights "A", Days "B", and Evenings "C") In each platoon there are three squads that rotate five days on, two off, five on, three off. I had found myself placed in Squad C-2, the second squad of the evening shift.

New Sergeants are an interesting breed.  They just came from humping a radio car like you and so they understand all of the scams and the work, but they also have been told over and over in BMOC (the Basic Leadership class of the NYPD) that officers are not your friends anymore and they will get you in trouble or fired.  And C-2 was a hot mess of officers who had lots of years on working in a busy precinct and a short, young attractive blonde sergeant was going to be tested.

Right after she became our Sgt, she invited us all to this Brazilian steakhouse in Queens.  The whole squad, which was like 12-14 people. And some of them were misfits.  My favorite quote was a more senior guy asked her "Do we have to invite Satan?" referring to one of the more disgruntled guys we had.  She insisted.  So we went and ate and drank and she paid for the whole thing.  I imagine this happens to Teach for America kids who get to their first school in a bad neighborhood and decide to give peace offerings as a first act.  We even told her that she shouldn't do this because it wasn't necessary.  But she insisted.  And she spent a lot of money on us losers.

As she grew into her role as our boss, there were some tensions.  I remember we went on strike with our activity for some reason.  Jose, a Dominican guy, thought it was a good idea and just kept yelling "STRIKE!" in a heavily tinged accent, which seems as good a reason as any to not write tickets.  I'd ask him if he remembers why we went on strike. but he's currently on an 18-year vacation.  You have to turn in your activity sheets at the end of the month and as each guy handed in their sheet, her face dropped more and more, until she ran out of the room and went to the Lieutenant to try and figure out what the hell was going on.  Fair question.  We had no idea either and activity returned to normal as soon as Jose stopped yelling.

What I remember most about Sgt. Buck was her kindness.  I remember asking her to come to one of my calls to see if I had enough to make an arrest.  And then we got into a discussion like this:

Me: So, Boss, here's the details, is that enough for an arrest?  

Her: You looking to make an arrest today? 

Me: I'm totally fine taking the arrest and staying on overtime, I just don't know if this is an arrest or not.

Her: You got plans tonight?  You want to go to court tomorrow? 

Me: Listen, Sarge, if I wanted to shitcan this (NYPD parlance for making things go away) you would never even know this address existed, but I called you and I embrace whatever decision you make,  You have the stripes.  

Her: Lock her up.  

Me: Thank you.  

She also smoked like a chimney, which meant that when she took me as her driver, it made for interesting times.  Point of reference, since all NYPD patrol units are two-officer cars, they give the patrol sergeant's a driver (operator in job speak) so they can respond to calls as well.  Normally, i could just roll down the windows, but on the days I drove her and it rained, it was a scene out of a comedy.  She would be smoking with her window barely cracked while mine was down.  My left side would be soaked, and she would ask "Campbell, does this bother you?  I can put it out." To which I always replied, "No Sarge.  I just like the feeling of rain."

Sergeant Buck went on to become Lieutenant Buck and retired from the job after 20 years of helping people and somehow not becoming a terrible, disgruntled person counting down their time like a prison sentence.  Rebecca passed away last week after suffering from 9/11 related illness.  Former colleagues turned out on Facebook to express their sadness and happiness at having known her.  And out of those posts, an odd pattern started forming.  Many peopl
e said that she had reached out exactly two weeks before she passed and they had a great conversation where she said she was doing well and asked about their kids and lives.  The theory is that she was gravely ill and wanted to reach out to talk to those she cared about to say goodbye without burdening them with her health.  Even to the end she was selfless.

She is being laid to rest today in the Hudson Valley in New York.  I can't be there as I have a crazy work week and it hurts.  As I've mentioned before I learned you always make the funeral and I simply can't.  But she is in my mind all day and has been since I heard the terrible news.  I am reminded again sadly that 9/11 has killed more officers (84) than were killed on 9/11 (24).

Rest easy Rebecca Buck.  Hope there's a smoking section in heaven. I'll miss you calling me "Big Bird."  Don't spend any money buying people dinner to make sure they like you up there, because they won't be able to help themselves.  Even without a green paddle for more prime rib.

Fidelis Ad Mortem.  Squad C-2 forever. 

It was Quiet

The above photo was taken by Mark Lennihan, an AP photographer from the base of the Tribute in Lights memorial piece at the base of Manhattan.  I always loved the lights and wished they had stayed up longer, stupid migrating birds.  I think part of the reason I liked them so much was they were silent and incredibly powerful.  People reported seeing them from the Jersey Shore and out on Long Island.  They were an incredibly powerful tribute to the buildings and New York that was before 9/11/2001.

I miss that quiet reverence.  Today on the National Mall, we had some Muslim 9/11 Truthers who had planned something called the Million Muslim March.  Well, that freaked out conservatives who responded with the 2 Million Bikers to DC.  [Sidenote, remember when the first Million Man March happened and we actually thought we would get a million people anywhere] So you've got these morons yelling about false flags, and other morons yelling no to Sharia law.  Then there were still other morons called Patriots 4 America who were yelling to get Obama impeached.  Finally, the biggest boob of all, was railing about Benghazi.

I have one favor to ask everyone.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. 

Today is not the day for your platform, or your cause.  This is not your day.  It is everyone's day.  Maybe this day will turn into some bullshit holiday like Memorial Day, where people actually say Happy 9/11 Day, and Sears offers amazing deals on lawnmowers.  Maybe people one day will forget what happened on this day so many years ago, and just recall it from a CNN broadcast of B-roll of buildings collapsing and firefighters hugging as "reporters" blather about nothing.  Maybe that will all happen.

But not today.  Today, I remember.

I remember how blue the sky was that Tuesday.  I remember that the weather was perfect.  A little cool, but one of those crisp fall days in the city that rival any New England foliage.  I remember how nice everyone was that week.  How people actually were aware of the police and thanked them, as opposed to viewing them like lamposts or the homeless, something you see but don't notice.  I remember a city being briefly panicked and then just being so kind and so strong and people just helping everyone and caring about everyone. It showed the inside of a New York that you knew was there as a New Yorker, but never usually saw.  Mostly I remember it being quiet.  The light would turn green and nobody honked.  And that was unheard of in a city that used the horn like teenagers use emoticons.

I am lucky to have a Facebook feed filled with friends and police officers which means that today was an outpouring of memories, grief and pride. I don't think everyone needs to wear black today.  I don't think people can't get tanked and make life mistakes today.  But you respect this day and you don't use the memories of dead heroes and flag pins to score political points.  To gin up outrage for your cause.  There is no outrage so great that politicians can't wait 24 hours to rail about it tomorrow.

Today is a day for quiet.  Not literal quiet, but the silence from sensationalism and hyperbole and outrage.  Seriously.  Shut the fuck up.

P.S. I wasn't going to post today, because I didn't have much to say that I hadn't written about in years prior, but my friend Brian Grosz, tumbled (or whatever you kids say) something that struck me.  So thanks Brian.

The 9/11 Post

So in thinking about this post, I looked back at previous posts.  It turns out that 5 years ago, I wrote a post bemoaning the fact that people didn't think of this day like they should have.  And then after that I just posted photos of people and remembered. 

So this year, the 10th anniversary, I put on the NYPD bike shirt, a stylish shirt with patches on both sleeves and reflective letters reading out "NYPD" on the back.  And I went to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial at Judiciary Square and just sat.  I sat down and remembered.  Not only those officers who we lost on 9/11, but also those we lost after.  I feel a special connection to Moira Smith, as I heard her put over the 10-13 in the rubble, and that has always made me feel closer to her, even though we never met and I only saw her daughter on the day that she was awarded the Medal of Honor. 

I cried.  For awhile.  For a bunch of reasons . Survivor guilt, sadness, and also the memories of that day.  And I thought about all of them, including James Godbee and Bobby Grossman who we lost later, after breathing in the air at Ground Zero.  God I miss those guys.  I then met up with friends and my girlfriend for beers at a local bar.  My NYPD shirt didn't get a second look, and I think that would have bothered me a few years ago.  And I've realized something important over these past years. 

It's not about me. 

I miss my friends and I will never forget them.  Even though remembering parts of that day are harder and harder for me, it doesn't mean I wasn't there.  I am so proud to have worn the same uniform as my fallen brothers and sisters.  When asked later in life, what job I most identify myself with, there's no doubt that the NYPD is it.  Best people I've ever worked with. 

I hope that wherever you are, you're surrounded by love.  And that you realize that you are special.  If not, email me and I'll tell you how special you are.  We honor their memory by toasting them and being phenomenal people. 

How to handle 9/11

So it's currently 9/10/2011.  Tomorrow, of course is the 10th Anniversary of 9/11.  And I called my friend Caleb a few weeks ago and asked what he was doing for 9/11, and he paused and said he hadn't thought of it like that.  I guess it is weird to ask people what they're doing for that day, like it was Labor Day weekend or something like that. 

But I guess it makes sense to me as I knew I was going to do something different that day.  I suppose that I've always thought that 9/11 was different.  And as I left New York for Boston and then now for DC, I felt somewhat distant when people aren't as connected to that day as I am. 

Don't get me wrong.  I don't go to the public ceremonies of remembrance on that day.  I think that people do most of their personal remembering and thinking in small groups and not large ceremonies.  It always made me feel out of place though, when people would be bothered by dumb work shit on 9/11 or like today, seeing all the girls with their huge sunglasses at brunch.  I was thinking that those girls will be back tomorrow morning to talk about their Saturday night exploits without a second thought about what happened 10 years ago.  Of course, for many of them, they were barely in high school probably. 

So tomorrow, I'm planning on going to the Law Enforcement Memorial in the morning.  I'm going to wear my NYPD bike shirt, just because I feel like wearing my colors.  Granted, it's probably illegal to wear a uniform shirt when you're not an active officer, but I'm not really thinking anyone will care tomorrow.  After spending some time at the memorial and thinking about the events of that day and those after it, I'm going to find a bar.  There's a place that's a bar that does brunch, but should be pretty quiet.  Well, as quiet as a bar that on the first Sunday of football can be. I'm mostly just looking to avoid people eating doing "brunch" on 9/11. 

But I think that people will remember that day in a variety of different ways.  Memorials, ceremonies, etc.  My friend is going to the see the Giants take on the Redskins at FedEx Field, which I think is an equally good way to celebrate the City of New York.  For while 9/11 is a memory of a horrible scar on the city, it's also a celebration of the city that it was right after that terrible day.  So overpaying for beer and screaming on the boys in blue is quite appropriate.

I think some people won't think twice about 9/11 tomorrow unless it's jammed down their throat by Facebook messages or CNN.  But others will need no reminding and will find their own way to mourn and celebrate the events of 10 years ago.  And those are the people that I'll raise a glass to, tomorrow afternoon. 

I am Norwegian and I am sad

To the four people who read this blog, I'm sure you don't read it for news.  If you did, you would probably not know that we're at war or that the Arab Spring happened.  So I'm sure people know about the tragedy in Norway.  Currently the death toll stands at  92, with over 80 of those being children gunned down at a summer camp by a guy dressed as a police officer.  Now I have plenty of thoughts about the fact that because this guy is white, no one seems to be calling him a terrorist, but I'll save that for later. 

Now I'd just like to say that this day is probably akin to 9/11 in Norway, except there won't be tons of Americans waving Norwegian flags or leaving flowers and posters at embassies and consulates.  And that saddens me.  As we approach the 10th anniversary of a terrible day in our history, where the world stood with us and we are so insulated as a nation, people care more about the NFL season going through, much less thinking of outward displays of solidarity with the people of Norway. 

Well I was there at 9/11.  I dug through the pile and I stood down there and remember all of it.  And I remember the English Bobbies of the Met lined up in full dress uniform to pay respects, and firehouses all over the world draped in black bunting.  And I want to tell Norway, that today I am Norwegian,  and I am with you.  You are not alone and we do remember our friends. 

God bless you. You'll get through this.  We always do. 

We Had to Defrost this Revenge on Setting 2

Good Evening.  I'm sitting in my hotel in Burlington, VT listening to Styx streaming on my computer and I have promised to be better at blogging, so I thought I'd knock out a post before I turned in.

As everyone knows, Osama Bin Laden was killed last night.  And I, like many Americans, was happy to hear that he's not on this earth anymore.  I think being a born and raised New Yorker and working for the NYPD on September 11th, his death was extra sweet.  I harbor no illusions that this means we've turned the corner on the war on terror.  I think we are still very much at risk and have spent huge amounts of money on security theater to prevent what really is unpreventable.  We should have been spending more time planning for what happens after something does happen, but that's not as sexy as toys.  I mean, look at this thing.  It's called a Bear.  It's fricken cool looking.  Who wouldn't want that over a paper plan?  I get it.

So I am glad he is dead.  It was odd how many students gathered in front of the White House last night to chant U-S-A.  Given that they were probably 8 when the Towers fell, it's been most of their lives that we've been looking for this guy.  So maybe this feels to them like how it felt for me when the Berlin Wall fell.  But even I understood in 89 (I was 13) that this was a game changer and things like communism don't end every day.

I lost some colleagues in the Towers.  None from my precinct, thank God, but a couple of guys from ESU Truck 2, which was located about 6 blocks from us.  So I used to see them around for jobs a fair amount.  I have however lost 2 men I worked closely with in the almost 10 years following the attack due to illnesses sustained while down there.  There were 23 MOS (Members of the Service) from the NYPD killed on 9/11/01.  There have been 29 killed since due to illness or disease.  Their badges are displayed at the top of the post.  Breathing the air we all breathed down there.  And the Republicans didn't want to fund the health fund.  And now, they have to make sure that you're not on the terrorist watch list before they give you benefits?  Seriously?   I get madder than Anthony Weiner about this stuff.  I personally think that only members of the NY/NJ/CT delegations should be able to vote on any 9/11 related bills.  What does Cliff Stearns know about what those men and women did?  Nada.

All Gave Some. Some Gave Soup.

Quite touching. I hope Montu had nothing to do with this.


Thanks to the Consumerist for this find.

Never forgotten

Never Forgotten

Hope everyone is doing okay today. Especially my peeps in New York.