Tales the Unemployed: Day 147

This isn't a pity post.  I don't want people to feel bad for me.  I enjoy using this blog as a creative outlet and some of you bizarrely enjoy reading it as such.  So this is not a cry for help, promise.  It helps me process. 

Being unemployed blows goats.  And there are stages.  In fact if you Google "Stages of Unemployment" you will find plenty of articles.  Some say there are 3 stages, some say 5, some even say 10.  But they essentially are broken into the following parts:

• Excitement: You've thrown off your drone cubicle/lanyard wearing shackles and you get to sleep in finally.  You can go to the movies and stand in line with the old people at the bank.  All of your errands happen super fast and drinking on a Tuesday night is no problem at all.  
• Concern: So you're spending too much money going out at night and it's time to find a job.  You are calling all your work people to set up meetings and lunches and coffees and it's time to return to the workforce.  You're perusing the job boards, but you're confident and hopeful that one of your connections will come through.
• Fear: So those initial meetings didn't pay off and you might have even had some amazing job lined up that never seemed to come to fruition after months of follow up.  You're now spending time in coffee shops because the couch at home is not a good place.  
• New Job: Ta-da!! You got a new job and you have business cards and once again all is well with the world.  

I'm in the third stage right now, which is the problem with these lists.  They all basically say that it's terrible until it isn't.  I think the hardest challenge is the questioning.  Not that I question if I am qualified for any of these jobs that I'm applying for or if I could do the job that is posted.  I could.  I am a journeyman who gets along with most everyone, meaning that unless the job has complex math involved, then I could do it and do it well.  

No, the issue is that after the first two months of talking to friends from the field I've been in and thus most suited to, I'm not sure that something will pan out there.  So you begin to open your search.  You start thinking of what else you could or would do for a living?  And where could you do it.  This is where the skills and abilities that allow you to accomplish all those jobs becomes a mind fuck as you wonder what should you be doing?  

It's hard not just on you but on the people you care about.  My girlfriend is supportive which is great, and she wishes she could do more, but she can't and that's okay.  I've got policing some evenings.  I give platelets every two weeks because there are tons of things that exclude you, including travel, and I'm sure that they won't want my anti-cancer juice forever.  But these things are busy things, even if they are awesome and well intentioned.  They don't get you closer to a new job, but they do keep you sane.  

I recognize that I'm very lucky.  I live with a wonderful woman who has a job and I even have done part-time consulting work that pays really well when it comes.  I recognize that I am in a way better place than thousands of other people who are in my position. I know this because sometimes when I think about driving for Uber or Lyft, I decide not to because I don't want to.  That right there lets me know that I'm not that bad off, and there's perhaps another stage down before I get a job.  I'm just hoping I can skip straight to the last one soon.  

So far January is Kicking Ass

So January of 2013 is one week old and it's looking pretty good so far.  Let's go over 2013 so far....

• A Job: So it looks like I'll be employed by the end of the month, with a full-time job.  I'll be working for a company that is contracted to a federal agency, managing a 24/7/365 Operations Center.  I'll explain a little more once my offer letter is signed, but clearly gaining a paycheck and full-time employment is a great way to start the year.  I've not been working for 4 months and so it will be really nice to return to an office and to have some managerial opportunities.  Also, this means that I have free range for the next three weeks to play video games and explore DC with no guilt.  Awesome.  
• Exploring Stand Up: So I decided to take the plunge and try open mic stand up.  After hearing from lots of people that I should do it, I thought I might give it a shot.  I think I had been hesitant because I enjoy humor a lot, but never wanted it to really feel like a job.  When you're a comedian, that's what you do and people approach you differently.  When you're a state employee, people really have none of those expectations.  My first gig this this Thursday night at a Kimpton Hotel for 3 minutes, so if I bomb, it can't last that long.  
• Live Music: So went to the 9:30 Club for the first time on Saturday which is a medium-sized venue about 8 blocks from our place.  We saw Delta Rae, Jillette Johnson and the Wildfeathers. It had been awhile since I'd seen a show, and it was awesome.  The sound at the venue is terrific and it's just the right size.  We will surely be back.  But Delta Rae, who are from Durham, NC (Duke still sucks), were awesome and their energy was infectious.  Liz Hopkins (@BatSparkles) was awesome.  

So that's been the first week of January.  I really can't wait for the next few.  We've got a trip to Munich coming up, seeing friends up and down the East Coast, and some Kiva events.  Good stuff indeed.  Happy New Year everybody!

Job Applications

So it's been a little while since I applied to jobs the old fashioned way.  Most jobs I get at this point in my career are jobs that I'm guessing I have a 50% chance or better of getting.  Also it usually involves a resume emailed around and that's it. 

So imagine my surprise when submitting my resume to these companies and encountering the same process.  All of them want me to attach my resume.  Some of them also want me to copy and paste it.  You know what?  No problem.  But then it wants me to enter all of that information again, in text boxes.  And this takes forever. 

My beautiful recruiter girlfriend explains that it's all due to the backend of the recruiting software the companies are using.  So maybe its Taleo or ApplicantStack or Jobvite, or any of them.  All of them I'm sure display this information slightly differently.  However, I have a plea.  Can we adopt a standard platform?  Like the Common App for jobs?  Of course, now you fill out college applications online, but before there were literally checkboxes on the paper Common App that you would check to show what colleges you wanted to apply for. 

I want to be able to fill out this information in one place and then send it to all of these employers.  And yes, there's a security risk with having all of your info in one place, but it hackers really want to know my job duties and supervisor from my volunteer fire company, then they can go one with their bad selves. 

Personally, I think the data should be kept on Google or something, much like the current Google Wallet, where you could one click on an application and have all of it filled out.  I already trust them with too much of my life anyway.  Hear that Google, get on this shit. 

I am the 47%

So I'm currently sitting in Busboys and Poets, which is a really cool restaurant/cafe/bookstore, etc.  And I am unemployed, though I have a Macbook Pro, which makes me feel like i fit in over here.

Backstory

This really isn't that exciting.  Basically due to some internal politics, I lost my hours on a project and not given any heads up, which caused me to go from 60-0.  I used my 4 weeks of overhead, which the company was quite gracious enough to give me.  And now I'm officially on Leave Without Pay.  LWOP.  I'm using vacation time, as I have a little over two weeks before I end eating out of the garbage.

Reality

I'm kidding of course.  I'm fine.  Well, as fine as one can be I suppose.  My girlfriend has a job she likes that allows her to help pay more of the rent than before.  And I've got some funds that I can tap into if I need to.  This is the first time I've been unemployed and I have to say that it's quite something.  I realize that this sounds quite naive, given that we have just been through a terrible recession.  But I've learned that I need to get up in the morning and get coffee, and then I've started coming here to work because there are less distractions.  And by work, I mean look for work.

I think I'll have a job soon, but I'm sure a lot of people thought they would have a job soon.  Losing your job does make you think about the value of work though.  At my last job, I made $105,000 as a consultant.  I'm not sure I deserved to make that much.  I didn't teach children in the inner city.  I didn't tar roofs in the summer or work construction in the winter.  I have soft skills, which is a nice way to say I'm good with people and can bullshit well but will be screwed during a zombie apocalypse.  Unless, they need consulting assistance.  And then I can bill the shit out of them.

I applied for unemployment insurance last night online through the great Commonwealth of Virginia, which was quite easy. I also enjoyed the fact that the fake check needed for direct deposit of benefits belonged to one Marty McFly.  Someone was very clever about 21 years ago when they needed a name for the check.  My weekly benefits which I assume will be the max come out to $378.  I hear about people not wanting to go back to work if they're going to clear less than they would in unemployment.  The last time I made this little, I carried a firearm and was right out of the Academy.  Kind of funny that I make the same on the dole that I did as a cop.

But that made me realize just how lucky I am to wonder how to make ends meet on $378 a week, when there are doubtless many people, some with children, who figure this out for even less.  It makes you really consider how fortunate you can be in the midst of your misfortune.  I'll find another job.  I'll get back on my feet.  But losing my job, especially in this incredibly partisan time, when people collecting benefits they paid for are labeled "mooches," makes me much more cognizant of what I have and what I'm given.

Oh, and if anyone is looking to pay someone to work in a climate-controlled office in a job that requires terms like "synergy" and "resilliancy" then I'm totally your man.  I'll even lower my rate by a few bucks an hour to help you out.