Tough Day?

I had a long day that had me wanting to scream into my trashcan. But then I found this photo taken by Mike Clarke/Agence France-Presse. It made me instantly happy.

I hope my nephew is okay over there...

Stop right now and I'll make the sun come back

So this weekend was my 10th college reunion. However I was not in attendance, as I had a test to take. I also was unsure how I was going to be surrounded by so many babies. I took the Foreign Service Officer Test, which is basically the test that is administered to enter the Foreign Service of the State Department. Some have said it's the hardest test ever.

While it was difficult, the test has changed in the last 2 years. It now has 4 different sections. There is a general knowledge section, which is like a written Jeopardy game. Then there is a personal section that asks if you have certain traits and examples of those traits. Then followed by an English grammar and style section, and finally 30 minutes to write an essay.

What I was able to gleam from this 2.5 hour ordeal is that they really want to know how you work under pressure and that the State Department hates the comma second only to Osama Bin Laden. Oh, and thanks to my friend Chuck for telling me to bring #2 pencils which I tore my apartment apart looking for. The test is now given on computer.

I'll find out how I did in 3-4 weeks. Most people have to take it multiple times.According to the bastion of truth Wikipedia of 20,000 annual written test takers, only about 400 make it into the service. Stay tuned. In contrast, it was nothing like the test pictured here, though this is one of my favorite movie scenes.

Born Free.....

So my roommate of 4 years moved out to live with his fiancee, and soon wife. My next roommate is coming next week, but the arrangement I have worked out only has him here once every two weeks or so. He's actually going to be living on the West Coast, but his office is here so he needs to come back every so often. He's a good guy who I met in college.

But when the roommate moves out, I needed to do a couple things. The first is the use the bathroom without closing the door. And then there's the walk around naked, just cause. However there are down sides to the roommate leaving. It seems I didn't own any bowls or plates in the domestic partnership, but I did apparently have the monopoly on pint glasses. Not sure what this says about me.

Hmm.....

How much do you weigh?

The above question is never a good question to ask. But it sends a special message when asked by the girl at the Cape Air check-in desk at Logan. If they want to know how much you weigh, rest assured you're getting on a small plane.

I flew up to Plattsburgh and back from Beantown this weekend to visit the folks and used Cape Air. They are currently the largest independent regional airline in the country and they have the largest fleet of Cessna 402s in world. The Cessna 402, pictured above, is a small plane. So small that you get to sit next to the pilot if you want, as there's only one. And you need to hold it on the 1 hour and 20 minute flight as there's no bathroom.

The whole thing is a little funny. It started on Friday as we're lining up to board and the pilot, Chaz, ran by and asked if we could wait as she had to use the bathroom. So you of course wait. It was obvious that many of the people on the flight are regulars as they knew her and were asking about her nights and weekend. She came back from the bathrom and then led us like a 4th grade class down to the plane.

The bags on the plane go in two places. Big bags go in the nose and the smaller bags go in the wing, behind the engine. Chaz actually opened the hatch which is like her window as she was taxiing around Logan to get more air into the plane. We took off in about 1/4 the space a jet would need and we were on our way.

One thing about small planes and getting to see out the front windows is you are a lot more attuned to the space around you. Going through clouds generally produces noticeable bumps, unlike larger planes. Another amazing discovery was the axes on the plane. Most people who fly commercially are used to two basic axes, pitch and roll. Pitch is what happens when your plane takes off and the nose points up. Roll is when you make those big banking turns and one wing dips low as you circle. However yaw was new for me. It was like the plane was climbing straight, but we were pointed at 10 o'clock. Here's a better explanation.

Overall it was a decent flight. A lot of turbulence on the way back. I hit my head several times on the top of the cabin, and I have a bump where I struck the reading light. And the French kid sitting across from the pilot got sick on the final approach. Always something going on when I travel.

Tragedy Squared

So I woke up this morning, feeling good. Not only is it Friday, but it is also payday, so you can't really beat that. And then I read this on the Times site.

Off-Duty Officer Fatally Shot by Police

This is a true nightmare. The cop who was killed had only 2 years on and was chasing a guy who he caught breaking into his car. He was stopped by the 25th Precinct Anti-Crime team, and was shot and killed by a guy with 4 years on the job. Normally, when I read of cops who are killed my heart goes out to only side, but in this case I guess it affects me more because I can imagine being on both sides of this. I spent a little under a year on the Anti-Crime team in my precinct.

The guys were tearing off the wounded cop's clothes to try and stop the bleeding when they saw he was wearing a Police Academy shirt. From the article, then then searched for and found his badge. I can't imagine what that must have been like after they saw the shirt.

Either way, I hope Officer Omar Edwards rests in peace and I hope the job will take care of his daughters. And I wish the officer who fired the shots can find some peace at some point. But this is less than 24 hours old and it's still a really sad day for New York City and the NYPD.

Made on Honor, Sold on Merit

There is a local beer that I've found that's new sort of. It's called Narragansett and it's currently being brewed in Rochester, NY under contract with High Falls Brewing. It was at one time the largest brewery in New England. The brand got bought by Falstaff Brewers and they eventually collapsed, probably on account of their piss poor beer.

Since 2006, Narragansett has been available in New England once more and only in the past few months have I made this discovery. They are actually trying to build a new brewery in their original state of Rhode Island and they would like your help. I bought two six-packs this weekend and I got a free tie. I gave it to my friend Steve, because I'm a giver like that.

But my favorite past time while drinking 'Gansetts are to come up with a marketing pitch. It revolves around the concept of Gansett Time. This is pretty much when something horrific happens in your life, and you decide to escape to that mythical place that cheap local beer can take you.

• Your girlfriend 1 month late and you were thinking of breaking up with her before? It's Gansett Time!
• Your computer just shit the bed on the flight to make the big pitch in London and lost all your crap? Its Gansett Time!
• Crapped yourself when you thought you were going to fart? Its Gansett Time!

I could go on, but I think this is better with audience participation. I should mention that I like Narragansett a lot and it's a far better beer than Busch or many of the American lagers. I would actually buy it if they didn't give out ties and inspire awesome slogans.

Paradise Is

So I finally have gotten the time to write about my 18 hours in Hawaii or at least post some photos. The first two photos I took on the beach they took me to before my flight on Monday. Here is what I term the Allen Album cover, with Aloha holding Makena and Noa with Nanea.

Then I had to take a photo of my feet in the Pacific Ocean. It was one of the few touristy things I did.


I hope everyone has a great three-day weekend. For those of you working over the weekend, I thank you. I'll drink to you.

3 down, 1 to go

As I sit in my 3rd Admirals Club in 2 days, I am almost done. I have about 2 hours until my flight back to Beantown and I'm a little tired. Originally, I was hesitant to tell my hosts I was even coming to Hawaii as I thought they might think me mad and I didn't want them to be party to my madness. But I relented after Mikie told me I was nuts. And I'm glad I did.

I know it sounds nuts seeing as how I was on the Island for under 18 hours, but it felt like a vacation. We grilled and drank wine. I got to play with the girls and watch Makena produce incredible amounts of snot. I got to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean. Aloha and Noa even stopped on my way to the airport to allow me to buy a plate lunch, which I'm still eating even though they frown on people eating their own food in the lounge. Oh, and I bought 2 manapua. So good. I saved one. Maybe for breakfast tomorrow.

It was like staying with family and that's always nice. So thank you from the bottom of my heart, Allen clan. I know you said I don't have to get you anything, but that is insanity. I will find a way to make my evening up to you.

There's a flight leaving here at 1:30AM for Hong Kong. I wonder how many miles I'd get for that? Kidding. Mostly.

Aloha!

So I'm in Hawaii at Aloha's house. It's great. I get to meet Makena tomorrow morning, which will be awesome. For allowing me to stay with them for the night, I am eternally grateful. This gratitude requires a gift. My thoughts are: Junior's Cheesecake or gift certificate to fancy romantic restaurant in this tropical paradise.

Thoughts?

Yeah...

So the Dallas Airport, while charming, isn't all that. I'm hoping to get out of this place at 3:30, which is two hours and 10 minutes after I was supposed to. Not sure what the problem was, but I won't breathe easy until I'm in the air.

I will say my theory of vacation destination fashion is again correct. People are dressed in lots of awful clothes. Lots of couples apparently looking forward to their tropical vacation. I just want my water and that's it. I think I'll nap on the flight. Here's hoping the girls aren't asleep by the time I get to the Aloha State.

Yee Haw

So I'm now sitting at the Dallas Admiral's Club and the flight has been delayed to Honolulu, by about 90 minutes. Not a big deal. It just means I'm actually going to be spending even less time in Paradise. I did watch Quantum of Solace on the way over, which was really cool. I also saw Star Trek last night which I heartily recommend to all who like cool effects and a good plot. It will no doubt be the start of a new series, but unlike Transformers, there are actual characters you will want to follow.

It is odd being surrounded by people who are travelling to meet people or attend work functions, as I have always been before. To know that you're basically getting on a plane, just so you can get off the plane for another plane is a little strange. I am very excited about meeting the girls at Aloha's though.

It begins

Here I sit, at the Admirals Club in Boston. My flight to Dallas boards in 20 minutes. I'm still very tired. That bologna sandwich at 1AM while watching the SciFi Channel was a bad idea last night. Maybe I can get some sleep on the plane. I'll check back in again in Dallas.

It's actually harder to pack for only 18 hours than it is for 2 days.

Some will think me clinically insane....

So I'm going to Oahu, Hawaii for 20 hours on Sunday. All for the purpose of preserving the right to get exit row seats on American Airlines. Allow me to explain....

Sunday morning I will be doing what's known in the biz as a Mileage Run. Basically, the gist is you find a flight that gives you the maximum amount of miles for the least amount of money. It works even better if you can transfer to and from airports that are out of the way to boost the miles while keeping the price the same. Here's what my Sunday/Monday will look like:

So now you know what I'm doing, a good question is why? Why would you subject yourself to airports and airplanes for that long? Why would you spend more time in a metal tube than you would on a tropical island. Two reasons:

1. I got a bunch of miles on American from my trips to Paraguay and through a mileage challenge, got Gold Status. This is the lowest level of status and you can get it flying 25,000 miles in a calendar year. The most important thing about this, asides from the fact that I am shallow enough to like status, is the ability to reserve exit row seats. They are blocked out to all but elites until right before the flight. Exit row makes any flight bearable. American also has a double bonus for all miles flown until June 15, so this doubles my trip earnings.
   
2. I like traveling. I love airplanes and airports. I have a quasi-autistic knowledge about the industry and fleets that can amaze my friends and scare away females. So as awful as this trip sounds, I'm actually pretty excited about it. I'm on 757s my whole trip except the 767 from DFW to Honolulu, so it will be nice to be on a widebody.
   

Who does this? Actually there are a lot of people that do this apparently, if these boards are any indication. What makes me a little strange is that I never fly for work, and most of these guys (rare to find women doing this) are road warriors for their companies. I'm weird. I know this.

My schedule will look like this:

Carrier	Flight Number	Departing		Arriving		Cabin Booking Code	Flight Status Notification	Flight Details	Seats
		City	Date & Time	City	Date & Time
	AMERICAN AIRLINES	465	BOS Boston	May 17, 2009 07:45 AM	DFW Dallas/ Fort Worth	May 17, 2009 10:55 AM	Economy O			10F
	AMERICAN AIRLINES	5	DFW Dallas/ Fort Worth	May 17, 2009 01:20 PM	HNL Honolulu/ Oahu	May 17, 2009 04:35 PM	Economy O			21J
	AMERICAN AIRLINES	28	HNL Honolulu/ Oahu	May 18, 2009 12:40 PM	SFO San Francisco	May 18, 2009 08:45 PM	Economy O			10A
	AMERICAN AIRLINES	150	SFO San Francisco	May 18, 2009 11:15 PM	BOS Boston	May 19, 2009 07:55 AM	Economy O			18A

While I'm in HI, I'll be staying with my friend Mikie's sister, Aloha. She has these two super cute daughters that I'm excited to finally meet. They of course have their own blogs, being sophisticated young ladies. I'm hoping to post from the trip. I will be going in to work on Tuesday morning, after a shower at the Boston Admiral's Club.

All told for a little over $450, I will have accumulated 26,306 miles on this trip, bringing me up to a YTD total of 37,994. Not bad for May. I know. I'm insane.

And I will be selling my CD after the show

Having spent the weekend in Philadelphia, I was reminded of this clip I had heard first and later seen of Bill Burr, a Boston area comic. He was in Philly with Opie and Anthony and a bunch of other comedians on tour. Dom Irrerra, a Philly native and stand-up comedian, was before him on the show. The no-neck crowd booed Irrerra until he left the stage without doing his act.

Burr came out on stage angry that they had booed him and then the crowd turned on him.

What happened next was awesome. Burr essentially stopped doing material and just turned on the hostile crowd and their awful city for 10 minutes. Thank you internets for this. Oh, and super NSFW.

Fancy Soap

So the apartment ran out of hand soap and we were using a bar of Dial soap which does not impress guests, so I went out to buy new soap. I decided to treat myself with some Shea Butter soap. I realized today that I had no idea what the hell shea butter was, so I looked it up.

From wikipedia

Shea butter or Shea nut butter is a slightly yellowish or ivory-colored natural fat extracted from fruit of the shea tree by crushing and boiling. Shea butter is widely used in cosmetics as a moisturizer and an emollient. Shea butter is also edible. It is used as a cooking oil in West Africa, as well as sometimes being used in the chocolate industry as a substitute for cocoa butter.

The shea or karite tree, formerly Butyrospermum paradoxum, is now called Vitellaria paradoxa. It produces its first fruit (which resemble large plums) when it is about 20 years old and reaches its full production when the tree is about 45 years old. It produces nuts for up to 200 years after reaching maturity.

I wouldn't recommend eating it however. I always thought Shea butter was this guy.

Wedding Weekend recap

So I'm back home and even had time to finish John Adams and do laundry.

On Saturday I married my two friends Alex and Heather. I should clarify that I officiated, as someone always gets the wrong idea, Utah-style. It was a nice outdoor affair, and the weather held up, as you can see from this photo. Funny story. My tuxedo cost $99 from K&G. My shirt and braces cost double that from Nordstroms. However, when I went to put my jacket on, I noticed both the buttons were missing, so I just removed the excess string and called it a "European cut." No one seemed to notice.

After the wedding, people went into Philly for an evening of drinking, talking and laughing. The hotel I was staying at was having a huge Jewish wedding on Saturday night. On the way back to change out of my European tux into more casual clothes, I stopped in on their cocktail hour. I was there long enough the grab a rum and coke and a few pigs in a blanket. Who knew the chosen people and I shared a favorite appetizer. This was the first time I've ever crashed a wedding, but I had this whole back story. I was dating this girl named Sarah Green who went to college with the bride, but I didn't know where that was because this was only our second date. Etc...

This morning saw me up for brunch with my friend Nicole and her friend. And then a 6 hour drive. But the 6 hours were clearly worth it because I had two chili dogs from this heavenly establishment. I paid for it, but it was totally worth it.

I had a good time at the wedding and it proved my hypothesis that weddings can be incredible or mediocre. At their best, like this one was, it brought together great friends who in turn met other people's great friends and new friendships were formed. This one guy and I hit it off incredibly well and I am going to look him up when I'm down in NYC. His brother is a cop and he's insanely funny, so it was a match from the start. But I really enjoyed meeting all of their friends and sincerely do hope that I get to see many of them again.

There's that saying that you can never have enough friends. I think that is true until you get to the point where so many friendships are hard to maintain which becomes the limiting factor. Facebook can act as a force multiplier, but it's not real. I will say you can never have enough great evenings of conversation, laughter and fellowship. Regardless of what happens going forward with these folks, I will always have that.

Furlough Days Taken: 1/3

Wedding Day

It's a beautiful morning in Washington Crossing, PA. It was supposed to thunderstorm this morning, but so far the rain is holding off. I'm marrying a couple, Alex and Heather, at 11:30 this morning. It will be a great day no matter the weather really.

The mother of the groom did hug me extra tight when I left her house last night and said: "You aren't going to do anything crazy are you?" I smiled and then explained I planned to do balloon animals for the first 15 minutes, after the dance spectacular.

I'll write more later.

Captain Chaos: 1934-2009

You will be missed Mr. DeLuise. You will be missed.

This week is Public Service Recognition Week.

I will be accepting donations of alcohol, cash, and reptiles.

And you are welcome.

That guy

So I went to a wedding this past weekend in lovely Meredith, NH. It was a work wedding so I didn't know that many people. It was a great wedding, lots of good people and awesome appetizers at the cocktail hour. The music was a little loud. The DJ enjoyed yelling a lot.

So at the end of the reception, there was an after party at the Bride and Groom's hotel room. So I went over and there was a bunch of people there and music and good times. Flash forward to 3AM. I had my hand in a bag of Funnyuns when I took a quick head count in the room. Those present were:

• Bride
• Groom
• Me (with hand in bag of Funnyuns)

Holy Crap. I'm that guy. So I remove my hand from the Funnyuns bag and I'm all, "Hey....I just realized that I'm the only one here and this is your room and your wedding night. So I'm going to go now. You two do whatever it is you want to do, and congratulations again."

I grabbed a Bud Light for the walk home and left. In fairness, the guests before me left probably 2 minutes before I did. It wasn't like I was telling cop stories drunk at people who kept checking their watch. Let's hope this doesn't happen next weekend as I'm actually going to be marrying that couple.

Shame on you...

So one of my favorite website is Consumerist. Even more now that they were bought by Consumer Union, the owner of Consumer Reports. This ensures ad-free content, which helps keep out the bias.

My outgoing roommate had some issues with changing names on accounts and I thought it was crap. So I emailed the kids at Consumerist and they decided to share it with the Interwebs.

Enjoy my story.

Solution

I have decided to eat bacon on everything until this whole swine flu thing blows over. I think I will gain immunity from the bacon, which will keep me in good stead.

We hold these truths to be self evident

So I have taken hundreds of people's advice and Netflixed the John Adams series. I watched the first disc tonight and it kind of gave me chills. Call me a sap, but I think our history deserves another look. I learned the American Revolution in 6th grade I think, but this was a nice refresher. I also read 1776, which was a great book. If you get the chance, I highly recommend either or both.

I was sad to see the New York delegate to the Continental Congress so clearly in the loyalist camp. I took pride though in the stand my current state (MA) had. There were apparently Massholes even back then.

5 of those calls was from me

Thanks to Sam for the find....

I somehow can't stop watching this.

Movies on TV (NSFW sort of)

I was watching Snakes on A Plane on TV a few nights ago and the best line in the movie comes up and I was wondering how they were going to handle it. This is how it went down. In case you've never seen it, the line which was originally written by someone on the Web who was excited about the title is: "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane."


Then I was on Fark and someone reminded me of this gem, which really is the best. I'm not going to give you the original line, you'll have to see The Big Lebowski on your own.

One and a half papers done

So I spent the weekend working on grad school work, which was mostly productive. I closed one paper out and got a good chunk through another one. It's like it never stops. Thankfully, it will soon all be over at some point in the early summer. For those following along with the home edition, I found a class that will meet my missing requirement.

Friday night had an impromptu barbecue with a decent turnout. I won a free case of Sam Adams a month in a charity auction in the fall, and it seems like frequent charred meat festivals are good ways to get rid of beer. Having grown up in New York City, we never had a grill and thus I never learned how to cook meats over a flame. I must say its my favorite form of cooking currently. Mostly because it seems you have to have a beer when you do it, and it's hard to screw up.

A note. I need to get a headlamp like my brother Broxton. That's him on the left with my other brother Ross. I say this because when working the grill in the dark, it can be hard to tell which burgers are done and which ones aren't. I also have to give Broxton credit for my grill chimney, which makes me look like I know what I'm doing when I start my grill. Grilling with friends makes me happy, so I plan to do more of these throughout the summer.

There is a pay it forward aspect to grilling out I think. I shelled out probably $45 bucks for the food and provided some of the beers. In general when you have a party, you always wind up with beers left over because people bring a case and they usually don't drink a case. I think I might assign more pertinent things like meats or buns next time.

Tomorrow is the Boston Marathon, and it's Patriots' Day in MA, another awesome state holiday. I however will be at work coordinating the marathon. And yes, I do feel slightly bad eating my sandwich looking at all of those people running. Good Luck runners!

The F Bomb

So I was talking to a co-worker on the phone today while I was on the road and he mentioned we all just got an e-mail from the Governor. I asked, "How does it start?" He replied, "Dear Colleague."



Crap.

Allow me to explain. Whenever we've gotten an e-mail from the Governor recently that has started with Dear Colleague, it's generally bad news. Health care premiums going up, financial armageddon, and this time was no different. The Governor is calling for furloughs for all state government managers prior to July 1st. If you make above $50K, but less than $75K, then you take 3 furlough days. Anybody above $75K gets 5 furlough days. I've never been so excited to make less than $75,000.

For those who are curious, a furlough is defined by Webster's as:
"a leave of absence from duty granted especially to a soldier ; also : a document authorizing such a leave of absence"

In English this means that the 5,000 managers will stay at home and see their pay reduced by a day. I have no idea how this will actually work out, but I'm assuming I'll find out shortly. I can tell you what I'm already thinking about though.

Furlough Fridays.

Stay tuned sports fans.

First Class

Greetings from Chicago,

I flew here on an American flight last night to stay with my college roommate who is out here. I upgraded to first class and was confirmed Thursday night.

American Airlines Flight 1081
Seat 4F

So I've flown first class maybe 5 times in my life, which means it's still special to me. Add in the stop at the Admiral's Club beforehand to get some reading done and I feel like a seasoned air traveler. Odd considering that I don't fly for business really.

So the flight began with a drink and some warm nuts. This is apparently an American thing, where they warm mixed nuts and serve them. That was followed by the flight attendant asking what snack I wanted. That night they had a grilled chicken salad and a philly cheesesteak calzone. I could really feel her eyes boring down on me as she asked "Healthy option or greasy fattening one? I'm judging."

I went with the calzone. It was fine. Hot at least and awesomely greasy. It was not in any way shape or form related to an actual cheesesteak from Phliladelphia, but it was fine. Followed by two more mixed drinks, and a chocolate chip cookie. See, that's the problem. Everything in first is still a wonder, the free booze, the food and the dirty looks from coach passengers as they pass you on the way to their seats.

I'm not sure I will need it on the way back. But it was indeed a nice flight. Now I'm in Chicago about to grab a hot dog with my buddy.

Happy April!

I was asked by my brother to update my blog more frequently and so I will. I also have some cool ideas for some new segments. Not that any of you really want new segments. I highly recommend that you fine readers use Google Reader with this blog, so you don't have to keep checking all the time. The reader will just post when I post. It's nifty like that.

I'm sitting in the President's Club in Newark Airport waiting for my the second half of my leg back to Boston. I spent the weekend, though truncated, in Pittsburgh visiting my brother and sister-in-law. She's about 2 weeks from having my niece or nephew and so we got this idea to do a baby bachelor party, where the father can get drunk for one of the last times in a little while. I love visiting them. They are so chill and all of their friends are chill. It's like recentering every time I go there. I do love them a lot.

And it came at a good time as last week was no good. There was some personal stuff, which was not good. Then I found out that I'm one class shy of graduating grad school. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I was all done crawling to the finish and then you tell me the 5K is really a 6K? I think I have an interim solution as I am going to take a class on the business side in the beginning of the summer that should put me in the clear.

Oh, and my breakneck race to spend every minute of my free time continues next weekend when I'll be in Chicago. Stay tuned. I might be the only person to get DVT traveling only for pleasure.

Total Miles Flown for 2009: 15,965.

Movies

I was chastised by my brother Willett in Hong Kong for not writing enough. Granted this criticism came when he was a little drunk and called me on my cell phone at noon on Friday at work. It's not his fault. It was late in the evening when he called me. It's just rare to have those drunken phone conversations at your desk stone sober, because they go something like this from my end.

"What?"

"I can't understand you."

"No, I do care what you think."

"I'm not avoiding the question."

"I miss you too."

Etcetera etcetera. But all is good. I'm going to try and get out to see him in the fall perhaps.

I recently rented Oldboy from Netflix. It's a Korean thriller, that will no doubt be redone in America in 5 year much worse. I highly recommend the movie, as the director is a Hitchcock devotee and the end is incredible. It makes me sad that so much great film is from overseas, while we content ourselves with crappy comedies and remakes of asian horror movies. In my opinion, we make worse movies than cars.

Case in point, ConAir was on TNT tonight. It's a good movie from a popcorn action thriller genre, but Nicholas Cage's accent is awful. It's this sort of sometimes cajun, sometimes not accent. It makes me weep. He has been in far worse movies, but I just thought the contrast of what my TV showed me tonight was somewhat glaring. That's all.

Enjoy your week.

Graham rides a Virgin

So I'm flying out to my friend Tory's wedding in LA this weekend. Tory is awesome and we stayed in touch since college. She is a super wonderful person and while a wedding in Cali two weeks after I've been there isn't the most convenient thing, she's a pretty special person and so I wanted to make an appearance.

So I decided to take Virgin America out there and then use my free flight on JetBlue on the redeye back. So let me give you my thoughts on Virgin.

* So I'm blogging from the airplane. This is cool. This makes an airplane and a bus I've blogged from. I need to find a boat and a train with wifi and I'll be all set. I was actually able to pull up the picture of the actual plane I'm flying on, so that's pretty sweet. Here it is:

* This flight is full of kids. I suppose I should say 20-somethings. I normally fly American as I have status and the average age on those flights is far older. It makes me feel old.
* Not having the exit row sucks. But I wasn't willing to pay $100 beans for it either.
* There's not a lot of room in this seat. The girl in front of me moves alot. So I'm terrified of the seatback coming back and cracking my screen, which I know is a common complaint for laptop users on airplanes.
* Virgin has this cool interactive touchscreen entertainment system called Red. Sweet right. Well, actually not so much. The touchscreen thing is annoying. The girl behind me keeps changing the channel or texting, or playing tetris and it's like she's poking me in the back. It's not very hard. Just hard enough to be mildly annoying.
* Maybe it's all the young people, but this is a sleepy flight. For leaving Logan at 4, there were a lot of people sleeping and window shades closed. This worries me. When I fly, I like to be able to see out the window, especially at take off. When the shades are drawn, it feels like I'm in some bizarre motion machine and I keep waiting for the takeoff. Call me crazy, but if the wing is on fire, I want to see it before the captain makes a calm announcement about it.

I think that's all I got so far. I'll write more when I maybe order food. You do that through the touch screen also. They have some commie roast beef on wheatberry bread or whatever the hell that is. I might also just snack and save myself for In N Out.

Evacuation Day

Today is Evacuation Day. This is the day that the Brits left the City of Boston after the Colonists took to the high ground outside. However, it is also St. Patrick's Day. This is no coincidence. The heavily Irish legislature back in the day was looking for a way to celebrate today and they found the British evacuation occurred on the same day.

Which means that I was off today. I'm not sure how long I'll be working for the Commonwealth of MA, so I will take this opportunity any chance I get. It's almost as awesome as Confederate Memorial Day in Texas which also falls on the same day as MLK day. Not kidding.

So I was home and was watching daytime TV, and was pleased to see that Maury was on. I think all he does is paternity tests now. But they are awesome. Brothers with the same girl who want to know whose baby it is. I'm always amazed when the girl brings the guy on who she thinks was the father and it turns out not to be him. Then she goes running backstage inconsolable. I mean if you count back roughly nine months, how many guys could there be. I certainly wasn't a prude back in the day, but these people apparently get around.

If you're looking for more in-depth information on Maury, you can go to his link. You'll find awesome stories like this one:

Sholonda first came to the show because she suspected Billy, her boyfriend of 20 years, was living a secret double life and cheating on her. On the night of her birthday, when Billy was supposed to take her out for dinner at Red Lobster, she believed he was with another woman. Sholonda's suspicions were true. Billy failed the lie detector test. After the show, Sholonda and Billy stayed together, but they soon returned because Sholonda needed to reveal a secret to Billy. Out of revenge, Sholonda cheated on Billy with his own brother, Freddie. What happened?

You'll have to click on the link to find out.

That's what friends are for

So this is my last night in San Diego. I saw my friend Waka's show last night and it was awesome. I'm not just saying that. I would tell you if I just liked him. I really hope the show makes it past this workshop and doesn't allow itself to get dumbed down for kids. There was a lot of adult jokes in there and yet also enough pratfalls to work for the kids. It was a really physical show, and my friend has a topless scene, which the ladies no doubt enjoy.

The weather has been great. I hooked up today with another friend of mine who works for the California Emergency Management Agency, CALEMA. I always think of the bad guy in the 2nd Indiana Jones when he says that. He's a trip and we got to catch up. Its nice when you have work relationships bloom into friendships. I get a kick out of the Guinness signs to make St. Patrick's Day an official holiday. I guess those marketing geniuses never lived in Massachusetts before. I will miss this, one day, when I am no longer employed by the great Commonwealth.

Off to bed, so I can wake up stupid early and stand-by for flights all day to get home. Sweet.

Go F Yourself San Diego

Good Morning,

Greetings from the exciting city of San Diego. I find myself out here to see my good friend's show at the La Jolla Playhouse. My other friend Sam came out to hang this weekend as well. So while my hard working actor friend was in his show last night, Sam and I took on Downtown La Jolla. It sort of reminded me of a Greenwich with a more laid back style and a view of the Pacific. I was amazed at the amount of galleries. Sam and I actually stumbled into one gallery that was giving out free wine, and we learned all about Warhol and some other dude who uses word puns.

But we are staying in some part of La Jolla that looks like an office park. Huge complexes of rentals anchored by the I-5 and Rockbottom Brewery and TGI Friday's. Not quite what I was expecting.

We're off to brunch. I'm sure this will contain egg whites and avocados. Sweet.

Cluck Cluck

I wish this were a real movie. Sadly I fear it is not.

Sickness and Comcast

I think my title may make for a great book title someday. It was meant to highlight the disappearance of your favorite blog author. No, me. I'm currently fighting a cold. Well, not so much fighting, as watching it move from my head and settle quite happily in my chest. Awesome. Then the internet and cable went out in my house for a week. I called right away, but much like UPS, they fail to deliver or arrive when working human beings are home. They offered me a 11-1 appointment the next day. Riiight, because we all work next door to our house.

Anyway, I loathe Comcast. Perhaps not so much as the guy that set up this website, but I really don't like them.


So let me explain what has probably happened to you if your cable and internet go out at the same time. This has happened to me twice with these boobs, so I am a quasi-expert on this.

You probably think that your cable comes in from the street to that box under your TV and that's where the problems lie. False. In fact your cable starts on a pole on in a junction box in your apartment. Each apartment has it's own wire going to the mother cable source. These wires are labeled with your apartment on it. Over time the labels can fall off or a person who knows the system and wants to get free cable can just rip off the tags to confuse the Comcast tech.

The tech is not confused. Well, no more than Frankenstein was by fire in Young Frankenstein. They simply pull all the wires out. But you're asking, "Doesn't that mean everyone's cable goes out?" Yes. Yes it does.

Then I call Comcast to report a loss of all services and they see that I'm a paying customer and send out a tech to reattach the wires and label mine. The guy who was stealing obviously isn't going to call, so that's how they weed out the problem. Comcast calls it "Disconnect in Error." I call it "Disconnect on Purpose." The tech who came to fix it is like, "You should have told them this was a Disconnect in Error. I'm on call until 10PM, and I would have come out that night."

Then I saw red. See Comcast is smart. They have insane policies and moronic customer service, but it's never the person who you're talking to's fault. The poor tech bears most of the anger, but it's not his fault he works for a souless awful company.

I do have an idea Comcast on a revenue generator. What if you charged people $25 extra to come when normal people were home? I'd pay $25 for them to come from 7-10PM easy. I bet others would too. This is a slam dunk and if you're listening Comcast, I want a piece of this action.

Miller Time!

So I'm in Milwaukee visiting some terrific friends, Tom and Megan. I've been joined here by two other pals from college as well. So today, after a late start, had a great brunch and then took the Miller Brewery tour. The end of the tour brings beer samples and a comment questionnaire. Tom had a few suggestions. My two favorites were:

• Allow beer to be drank on the tour
• Make better beer

A Magical Place

So this past weekend, or long weekend, I went down to Walt Disney World with one of my oldest friends and her family. The last time I was at WDW was with these same kind folks, except it was during Hurricane Katrina and they're from New Orleans which means it wasn't that much fun towards the end of that trip. I have collected some thoughts about this place from my weekend and will share them with you:

• The flight to Orlando from anywhere is always filled with kids who are so excited. Our plane had just taken off from Boston and the runway was falling away underneath us and one kid points to South Boston and asks his Mom, "Is that Orlando?" Cute in one way, but not in a "your kid eats paste sort of way." These same kids are generally pretty quiet on the flight back. If not, that's why God invented these. (Thank you Santa)
• Disney has this thing called Magical Express. In short, they send you luggage tags for your checked baggage. You check in with them at Orlando International when you arrive and magic gnomes whisk your luggage from the carousel and drop them in your room. All pretty cool, unless your tags don't arrive on time. Not a huge deal, but I waited through this long line and told the "cast member" this and she smiled and said "Hakuna Matata." Then I punched her. Not really, but that crap might work on 11 year olds, but not on this guy who wants to make sure his bag isn't stolen.
  
• We stayed at The Boardwalk Inn. Which faithfully recreates a Jersey Shore town in the 40's. It's cool because it has a few token businesses along the Boardwalk, like a bakery, pizza place, piano bar etc. I sort of wish it captured the Shore era from the 70's and 80s. They could have real life junkies hanging out underneath the boardwalk, fighting seagulls for leftover pretzels.
• There are a lot of fat people at WDW. But the most sedentary of the bunch, choose to rent a motorized scooter. Because God forbid you lose weight walking. It's quite the site seeing couples driving down the paths in these things. Like a sad, slower CHiPs for large people. My favorites were the ones with the awnings. I was amazed at how quickly people would alight from these things when they needed to get in line for a ride, or get a beer or an ice cream cone that looks like Mickey.
• There appears to be some compulsion to wear branded Disney clothes. Every other person had on something made in China with Disney's logo on it. And not just mouse ears. No, fake hockey jerseys, designer looking T-shirts, sweatshirts and leather bomber jackets. I mean you're at the godddamn park? Why the hell do you feel the need to wear their stuff? It reminds me of the people who would come to New York and buy some shirt that says "Bada Bing" on it from Little Italy in rhinestones. While, if they wanted to appear cool and with it, they could buy something unique that says more than simply the name of the place they have visited. I like this option myself.
• You should do the World of Beers tour at Epcot. There are 11 separate countries represented around a lake and you can stroll around and drink a native beer in each of them. Realize that as you get older, these countries seem much closer together. Take it from me. I respectfully submit that if you chose to do this, start in Norway or France and make your way around. It's fun to end up in England. And if you start in Norway, you get to wear of these official hats.

I'll have some more Disney Observations soon. If you're drinking, tip a glass to Millard Fuller, founder of Habitat for Humanity who died today at 74.

For my brother

And all those others that follow the Big Blue Wrecking Crew. Observe one of your tribe....

His ramblings are NSFW, so turn the volume down on the speakers in your cube, y'all.



J-E-T-S.

Yeah, I know our QB is 87. What.

The Good with the Bad

Do see Slumdog Millionaire at your earliest convenience. It was a great melding of romance, comedy, documentary, and mystery. Really solid stuff. This should be the winner for the Oscars. The Reader? Seriously?

Maybe see Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay if you feel there were a lot of unanswered questions from the original, or you want to see the same jokes again, or you want more NPH. Warning: Rob Cordury's shtick gets really old really fast.

That movie did get me laughing about how DHS is portrayed in the movies and TV. People throw the words Homeland Security around like it's some bunch of super cops, or CTU from 24. If someone from DHS ever did screech up in a blacked out Crown Victoria, I'd expect some guy to get out with grant guidance in his hands to tell me that the pen I was using wasn't an allowable expense. Really. DHS is no more than the sum of it's parts.

Though there was a former state worker who had delusions of grandeur while working for DHS at National Airport in D.C. That got settled with him losing his job. Don't worry. We're all safer for it. Trust me. I miss that guy, if only because he made me look so damn good.

Bundle Up Obama

As tomorrow is the inauguration of Barack Obama as our nation's 44 President, let us hope that his time in office lasts longer than William Henry Harrison, our 9th President.

Here to tell this man's sad story is a very drunk grad student.

If you've never seen these, they are highly entertaining and perhaps what Al Gore invented the internet for.

We are getting dumber

So I was flipping through the channels tonight, and stopped at the local Fox affiliate. They had a show on called Hole in the Wall. Basic Premise: You stand in front of a small swimming pool of water. A styrofoam wall comes at you, designed to push you into said pool. But there is a sillouette cut into the styrofoam meaning if you match it's shape, you don't go in the drink. I'm assuming if you stay dry you win some cash, but I didn't stay on the channel that long.

I was waiting to see if there was a catch. But no. I hate this show. We are going further and further towards reality shows and "wild" game shows. I don't mind the game shows. As a matter of fact, I think Japan has some awesome ones. But they are generally too risque for us across the Pacific. We prefer to show the world how dumb we are.

Yech....

So...

I had planned to write many entries in the New Year. But then the days flew by and someone stabbed me in the back with a screwdriver.

Not entirely true, but that's what it felt like. I've had this dull pain in my back for a few weeks, maybe a month. It was the kind of pain you think will be cleared up by a masseuse at some point. But then on Wednesday, while teaching a class on Martha's Vineyard something bad happened. It felt like I was getting shanked. I found my knees actually buckling from the pain. So I put the class on break and told my co-instructor I needed to go to the hospital.

So I went to MVY Hospital, which is quite small and cute. I was seen quickly and given an injection in my ass for an anti-inflammatory and 2 scrips for ibuprophen and a muscle relaxant. I took the last two days out sick, and the instances of the lower right corner of my back have lessened. But I still get them and man to they hurt. I'm too young for back pain. If this doesn't clear up by Monday, I'll have to ask my doctor for the good stuff.

Willie Sutton would laugh

So today 5 banks were robbed in NYC, prompting news articles and even a piece on NPR's All Things Considered. The media is pointing fingers to the economy and the lost jobs around the holidays. 5 banks is surely the sign of financial meltdown, or the sinister return of high crime numbers to plague Gotham.

Bullshit.

There is a reason why people should not fear a return to lawlessness with an uptick in bank robberies nationwide (Up 54% in New York City this year.) Because my friends robbing a bank in the City of New York is easier than robbing a pizza place on the corner. I don't want to give away trade secrets, but here are the items needed to rob a bank in the early 1900's:

• Revolver
• Mask (Preferably Lone Ranger Style)
• Dynamite for safe
• Multiple accomplices to watch people/guards (Preferably dim witted family)
• Horse

Items needed in 2008?

• Ballpoint Pen
• Something to write on with above pen
• Baseball Hat
• Sunglasses
• Metrocard

These are all "note jobs", which means perp walks into bank and scrawls "Give me UR $$, I hav a bumb" on a deposit envelope and a smiling woman behind counter hands him money. Sometimes it's not a lot (couple hundred) and sometimes it is (couple thousand). But how can the perp be angry. He just used a pen to defeat bulletproof glass. Because friends, the banks happily give up the cash as it's insured by the Feds. So to them, they would rather lose $1,000 than have their guard tackle the guy, sprain his ankle and have the perp sue for $1 million dollars.

But try doing this at your local pizza joint. Walk up to the counter and smile at Sal and give him a note that says "Give me al UR pizzas!" and see what happens. Either:

a) You get your ass beat
b) You get laughed at and then realizing you are serious, see above step

So this isn't another sign of financial armageddon. This is business. And the only people hurt by this is the Precinct C.O. who is being held accountable for an extra robbery in his/her precinct than no one else seems to care about.

Long December

To borrow from the Counting Crows, it has indeed been a long December. I had planned more blogging, but this happened. That storm brought 13 hour days on the night shift for about a week. Followed by damage assessments in communities that I had talked to on the phone but never been to.

Then I flew down to NYC to be with the family for the holidays. I also wanted a week off. This is my first week off this year, so it's nice. And so, I present some holiday thoughts from New York City.

• My friend Sam made the observation that NYC has plenty of 2 groups of people. First there is incredibly hot women. Now women of Boston don't pout. I personally feel that the women in Boston are beautiful. However walking down Columbus Ave. yesterday I saw more model-like and statuesque women in ten blocks than I had all year prior. The second group is bat-shit crazy people. Like the guy smoking on the subway and talking to himself. You just don't see that in Boston. Totally insane people mixing with the general population so well.
  
• I stood on line at the Borders in Columbus Circle yesterday for about an hour. The line winded around the store. No joke. This didn't tell me that our economy is back on track, but instead that New Yorkers are complete procrastinators. I don't think people waited that long to cross the Berlin Wall when it fell. Dumb long.
• I also realized why people come to this city and flock to Applebee's and Olive Garden. I'll admit I used to see this place packed and think, "Are you people idiots? There's far better Italian food 3 blocks west. " But then I realized that NYC can be a hard place to be an outsider, even sometimes a visitor. Passing all of these small restaurants in the city, you can feel like this guy, standing outside the window. To tourists, even being in New York is the adventure. Meaning that after an exhausting day of jostling and seeing more police cars than exist in their entire state, they look for something a little more comfortable, safe and familiar. Enter the always packed Olive Garden in Times Square.
  

Merry Christmas to all of you. And sorry for the intermittent posting for this month.

Like a Needle in my Brain

So on the way to work every morning I listen to Morning Edition on NPR. It's got really good coverage. My friend Chuck thinks it's communist radio, and while I will agree that it might be a little left, you can't get more interesting stories in the morning. Also, they have the BBC News on at 9, which is great. They apparently believe in covering news, while our networks have scavenenged our news divisions in the name of entertainment.

However, every 5 months or so, comes an evil time on NPR. Pledge Week. It seems on WBUR that it's been going on for 2 weeks. NPR pledge week is the 6th circle of hell for two reasons. First it interupts the programming. Just when you get into a story, they break and start asking for $$ again. It's disruptive. Secondly, and most importantly, they are awful at it. They seem to guilt you into giving. They talk about how much it costs, but never about how much they want to raise. (I know this is against fundraising mantra.) Also, they banter in small talk, off script, and many of them aren't good at it. They end up saying the same things over and over, which means you have to change the station.

Here's the thing. I gave $100 last drive. I'm all set. So why force me to endure this brain melting tripe. What if they could unlock my radio if I gave, and return me to the programming? Think about it. If you give $50, you buy out of the current pledge week and back to normal NPR. You give $100, you buy out of it for a year. They would make so much money, they could sleep on it. Or use it to wallpaper the studios. I think I'm onto something. Maybe with HD Radio, they could do it. If they can put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar, why the hell we do this?