Sunday, September 21, 2008

I'm a breast man

So I went to my doctor for the annual/every so often physical We're talking and doing the normal exam, and then she starts touching my chest. I'm used to this from the ladies. She says she feels it feels ropey. I have no idea how I spell that word. I was shocked she didn't say it felt like cottage cheese and peanut butter. I'll take ropey anyday. I should mention that my doctor works in a womens health practice. Which means that there are all women doctors, but there's only 15% male patients. So the waiting room magazines suck.

So she want to refer me to a breast specialist and she tells me that I will be the only guy in that waiting room. I'm thinking of wearing a toolbelt and pretending to fix one of the heat ducts until I'm called. So I got called and on Friday I have a mammogram. I should tell those concerned readers that my doctor is super cautious and I figure if it's only another $15 dollar copay, why not. The stories alone will be worth it. And male breast cancer is really rare. Almost as rare as the Patriots going to the Super Bowl behind Matt Cassel.

So apparently they squeeze your boobs for the x-ray. Dear reader, I am not Michael Phelps, but I'm not like the guy in the photo up top either. There's not a whole lot of boobs to squeeze. I have no idea how they're going to do it. Stay tuned for the updates. My family has been kind enough to give me some awesome stuff, like shelter, food, and a history of cancer, so I have to be a little careful.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Have I told people not to go to grad school? If not, then don't. At least not part-time.


Me said...


Can you take a photo? ;)

Ouch...anyway...I think that being cautious wins every time, thanks to your family's fabulous gifts to you. :)

Happy squeezing and bring a magazine this know, GQ or so.

Christine G. said...

hi, i'm here via a link on

a very good friend of mine lost his father to breast cancer. y'all got the same tissue up in there. and yeah, it's rare. but deadly. and often undetected.

i remember my friend being all "WTF?!" when his dad got diagnosed. They thought it was lung cancer and they couldn't figure out why it wasn't responding to treatment and growing... it was because the x-ray showed a 2 dimensional mass... and they presumed lung. wrong location, wrong type, wrong treatment. by the time they figured it out, it was too late and he was dead in 7 weeks.

so i'll hope you're alright. we can joke around about it afterwards... good luck and best wishes for a clear screening.


Hero to the Masses said...

Thanks to you both. I guess I wasn't expecting this to wind up on Universal Hub, being random crap that I post when I remember to do it.

I of course use humor as a way to deflect actual fears. I'll let everyone know what the outcome is.

Anonymous said...

You should make a video and put on on youtube! Seriously I hope it goes well, you will be in our thoughts!

Tory Davis said...

I got the "ropey" remark during a gyno exam once. Then she asked me, "Do you drink a lot of coffee?"

I said, "Yes, but it never seems to be quite enough."

And the dr. told me caffeine can make breast tissue feel "fiberous" or "ropey". If I wanted it to change, I could cut down on my coffee habit.

If I were a betting gal, I'd guess you drink a lot o' joe and that's the cause.

The Ten Angry Men said...

Holy crap. We followed the link from Universal Hub, having no idea this was your page. You're famous.

Godspeed, and here's hoping this is all a big fuss over nothing.

Hero to the Masses said...

Yeah. It was also on, which made me crap my pants. There is nothing of value on this site. Move along please.