Flames. Flames, on the side of my face

"This isn't too bad."

I had just gotten sprayed with pepper spray in an "X" pattern across the face, as part of the DC Metropolitan Police Academy's training for handling OC spray.

Quick primer on self-defense spray: The spray is called Oleoresin Capsicum, or shortened to OC spray for short.  Mace is a conpany, which started the concept using teargas as the agent and then it too switched over to OC.  There's a pretty good explanation of the ingredients in the wikipedia page linked above.  

MPD, like many other departments has officers get sprayed before getting OC so they know how to handle themselves when it happens to them.  I say when and not if, because cops get sprayed a lot, 99% of the time by other cops.  We call these cops, "dicks". So after being sprayed, they have to pretend to cuff a dummy and then read a number being held 50 feet away to simulate reading an address off a house and then finally you need to protect your firearm as someone tries to take it.

I should say that in my 5 years with the NYPD, I had been exposed to OC several times, but always it was a contact hit.  I was generally running into a cloud of OC after another cop has sprayed a perp.  See, you're supposed to spray them and then back off and let the OC do it's job, but a lot of times you're in an apartment and someone sprays a guy and you're all in a closet and then you're playing Seven Seconds in Heaven with handcuffs and much more cursing.  But this was a direct spray to the eyes, nose and mouth. Night and Day.  Arbys to In 'N Out. OTPHJ to ... well you get the point.

I keep referring to other people using OC, as the only time I used it, it had no effect on the 6'5" guy on PCP who later bit my neck.  So just know this stuff doesn't work on everyone.  Apparently 20% of the population is immune.  I am not in that group of people.

So we assembled outside, where is was rainy and cold, and lined up to get sprayed.  When it was my turn, I closed my eyes and mouth, deep breath and then came the Devil's money shot.  I could feel the heat on my face, but it wasn't until she told me to open my eyes and I found that I couldn't, did I realize that I had made a poor life decision in being a cop again, much less an unpaid one.  So OC is a lacrimator, which basically means you cry a lot.  But those tears feel like lava, and the remedy is sadly the hardest thing to do.

I was coughing and squinting and cursing. If Popeye had a love child with Mr. Magoo, that would be me.   You need to open your eyes to allow the air in, as air and water are the best ways to decontaminate.  I passed the obstacle course, though seeing that number in the dark through my eyeballs of fury was not easy.  My face felt like it was on fire and my eyes wanted to close, but when they were closed it hurt 100 times more to open them.  And you needed to cry to get the OC out of your eyeballs.

And the snotting. So much snotting.  As my friend Steve used to say, my nose was running like Carl Lewis.  Snotting everywhere.  I was lacrimating out of every orifice on my head.  I also managed to wipe some of the OC on my left neck so I had a nice burn developing there as well.  I was blowing my nose on my t-shirt, because I didn't care about my looks at that point.  Hell, I couldn't see enough to know what I looked like anyway.

I haven't showered since, because the water reactivates the OC, and I'm waiting until I arrive at my mother's house where my crying will be mistaken for that of my new nephew who is 3 months old.  I can still feel the OC in my eyes and on my face.  And the experience reminded me again of why its so important to talk your way out of situations. My partner in NYC was a guy named Will who had a quicker temper than me, but we worked really well together.  I often played good cop to his bad cop, as defendants would refuse to work with him and only talk to me.  You need to be able to talk to people and also be ready to put your hands on people.  But if I never have to pull that stupid can out of its holder, that's fine with me.

Cruises: A Binary Reaction

I blame Dr. Cohen.  Steve Cohen was my history teacher in high school. In 11th grade, we discussed Disney World and Dr. Cohen, who leaned a little left of center, said that theme parks were a terrible illusion, that took people's hard earned money and gave them only a glimpse of a false utopia, with happy people and clean walkways and constant parades.  I never passed Exit 7A on the Jersey Turnpike again the same way.  Thanks a lot, Dr. Cohen.   I was reminded of that lesson when I took a 7-day cruise to Bermuda courtesy of my job.

Now before I get into the cruise, let me say that none of my previous jobs have ever taken me on a cruise before and so I am incredibly grateful that Allyson and I could go on this cruise.  I have learned that cruises are a binary experience.  You either love them or you hate them.  There is little in between.  This very much depends on the kind of travel person you are. Do you like visiting cities and walking until you get lost or riding public transportation in those places to get a feel for the average citizen?  Yeah, cruises aren't for you.  Do you like your alcohol colored blue with umbrellas and plastic flamingos in it?  Getting warmer.

So, let's get into this, shall we.  The ship, you don't call them boats, was the Explorer of the Seas, and she sailed from Cape Liberty, NJ.  Cape Liberty doesn't exist, but it sounds better than its actual name, the Bayonne, NJ waterfront.  The ship is one of the largest in the world, and carries over 3,100 passengers and over 1,000 crew.  To put this in perspective, it is larger than the USS Intrepid, which is the aircraft carrier that most NYC kids know from field trips.  The voyage was to take 7 days, with 2 getting to Bermuda, three in port, and two returning.

This is not really a ship, or a boat.  It had an Irish Bar and a rock climbing wall, and 6 hot tubs, and an ice skating rink.  It was like a floating city.  But not a city you would want to live.  More like a floating Branson.  The problem with all of these opportunities are that they are just okay.  Don't get me wrong, seeing an ice show while sailing along the Atlantic Ocean, is wild.  However, when you take the experiences and put them side by side, the shine dulls a bit.  Let's take the food.

One of the reasons people go on cruises I've learned is to eat.  Not so much eat, as shovel food into their gullets and eat two bites of everything and throw the rest away.  The main dining area has two seatings.  6:30 and 8:30PM.  The room feeds about 1,500 people at once which means that all of your meat is cooked well done and the logistics of serving all of these meals is far more impressive than the actual dishes being served.  The other dining option that most people go to is the Windjammer, which is the giant buffet that's open for most of the day.  This is where you see the professional eaters.  This also is where you see the absolute fear of the cruise lines about Norovirus, and the lengths they go to have you wash your hands.  There is a gauntlet of Purell dispensers blocking the way into the buffet and a woman yelling "Washy Washy", which I still hear in my nightmares, at you as you enter.

See, people come on the cruise to be gluttonous and cruise lines are all about helping you fulfill your goal.  The buffet has many mediocre varieties of food, ranging from hot dogs and burgers to "build your own pizza".  And it functions much like any other buffet,  whether in a casino or strip mall.  You get all kinds of different food, eat a bite of each thing, and then throw it all out.  The most popular thing offered at the buffet was the Mongolian Grill.  Which proves my point about cruises.  When offered culinary options, the masses choose a meat and veggie concoction that is covered in a sweet sauce meaning it tastes the same regardless of whether its beef, chicken or rubber.

I think cruises depend greatly on where you choose to go.  If you choose a Caribbean or tropical destination, just know that the companies put their largest ships on this route with all the most attractions, from bumper cars to projected movies of the sea so inside staterooms feel like they have windows.  I'm not kidding.  These voyages are filled with people who want to drink and eat and tan.  These are the ships that allow you to do zip line and drink mai tais in Haiti . But a piece of Haiti behind miles of razor wire so none of the drunks realize that they're paying $10 for a daquiri in the poorest country in the Americas.  Do you go on vacation to escape, as Dr. Cohen would ask?  Then cruises allow that.

There are smaller ships to Europe or the Greek Isles, and those ships are smaller with less of the attractions which put more of the focus on the destinations.  This is how I may cruise again.  May. It will need to be a little while before I think about setting foot on a boat.  I still can't get this damn song out of my head.

The Ad I Hate Most

There's an ad running right now from Prudential that is clearly designed for Boomers or those about to retire.  Here it is:

I get it. This ad is designed for long-time employees of companies like GM or IBM and others where you earn the gold watch and then decide what to do. I call bullshit. None of those jobs they mentioned couldn't have been had sooner. I get it. Its scary.  I've worked in three states.  I have two pensions and about 5 401Ks.  This is how it works.  Not for my parents.  But for me.  I'm not waiting for 65 to do what I want to do.  That time is now.  Life is way too short to toil at a job for 35 years to get to do what I want to do.

Everyone wants their kids to have better than them.  Even if I had kids, that wouldn't be possible.  My Dad was a banker and my mom was an interior decorator.  I learned to live my life whatever that means, and especially without kids that means being happy, which I am.  Allyson and I travel to different countries every year and that matters way to me than saving an extra $35 a month so that maybe when both my hips are fake I can have the life I dream.

Live the life you want now.  No one will judge you later.  They'll only be jealous.

Sin City in 25 hours

The title of this post would make this seem like an exciting trip.  Perhaps some gambling, David Copperfield and alcohol fueled binge.  It was not.  I was there for work, teaching a class.  I've been furloughed as part of  the House GOP's War Against The American People, so its nice when there are other things I have to make a little money.  I also love teaching, so its a win win.  So landing in Vegas at 9PM and flying out the next day at 10PM, here's some highlights and lowlights of the trip.

In-N-Out Burger

A bit cliched I suppose, but my personal rule to get a Double-Double Animal Style on every trip that takes me to a place with In-N-Out has never proven me wrong.  Watching the young kid destroying potatoes in that contraption that makes them into raw fries is fascinating.  And yes they do love Jesus, but not with the political sideshow of Chick Fil A.  I think the East Coast beats the West Coast, but I have to say that the fast food on the West Coast destroys the East Coast.  You ever stopped at a Roy Rogers on the Jersey Turnpike?  Ever see anything that resembled the photo above?  Yeah.

Element Hotel

This is one of the newer Starwood lines.  It's a brand by Westin that focuses on sustainability.  Honestly, I can't say too much about it because I got in late and left super early, but it was clean and nice.  I like that they lend out mountain bikes and provide free breakfast, which is rare for Starwood properties.  I would stay here again.  In fact I'm staying at the same hotel in a month, but sadly only for a limited time again.  Hopefully get to try the gym this time.

The Other Side of Vegas

So most people who go to Vegas go to the Strip, which is where you can see thousands of people shuffling along wearing ill-fitting shirts that usually read something like "1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, Floor" or something equally as witty.  However being there for work meant I got to see the other side of Vegas, which looks less like the glitz of the Bellagio's fountains and more like a sprawl of title loan places, pawn shops, psychics, fast food and liquor stores.  I guess this isn't a surprise.  Look at Atlantic City.  It has one supermarket, which just opened in 2012.   It is weird though, because driving through Vegas can feel like a Hollywood set with the Strip being the side the camera faces and the plywood backing being for the residents.

Centurion Club at Las Vegas Airport

This was a highlight.  I saw it when I landed and read about it.  American Express built a travel lounge concept that is high class with hot food designed by Scott Conant and special cocktails also.  It's unlimited, all you can eat or drink.  They also offer showers, free tablets and headphones and chaises so you can nap or lie down and watch the airport.  The catch?  It's only free for Centurion (Black Card) members, with all other Amex cardholders needing to pay $50.  I had won $40 on a few spins of the Wheel of Fortune machine at the Palms, because I'm a whale and so I thought I'd treat myself.  Imagine my tears of joy when the woman said that they are now allowing Platinum cardmembers in for free also.  Let the Bulleit flow like water, friends!

Las Vegas, you are unapologetically American.  I hope that the National Parks are not closed so I can see Red Rocks next month.

Throw Off Those Lanyards

Last night, I had the opportunity to see Measure for Measure at the Shakespeare Theater in DC.  It was brilliantly directed by Jonathan Munby and the acting and lighting and sound were terrific.  A really enjoyable take on one of Shakespeare's not often produced plays.  The cabaret that began the show for about 20 minutes even had boobs for the kids.

But I was there to witness the performance of my friend, Miriam Silverman who was excellent as Isabella, as she is in really everything she does.  She married my good friend from high school who is also an actor, and they come down to do shows at the Shakespeare Theater in DC with some regularity and my girlfriend and I are the lucky recipients of free tickets to see great shows.

And it struck me that it's rare to see your friends at work.  Sure you may see them on conference calls or mashing a reply to their boss on a Friday at happy hour on their phone, but actually watching them do their craft is rare.  I don't like the word craft, but I use it here to make a point.  I work in L'Enfant Plaza, and like Crystal City, where I've also worked, it is populated by office drones.  You can spot them by their lanyards and FIPS 201 standard badges.  And when asked "What's going on?" you will oft hear said "Same shit, different day." Many of these people have jobs, but they don't seem to have crafts.  Granted middle management federal bureaucrat is not very craft-ish, even if they vastly outnumber actors, starving or otherwise.

Perhaps arguing with IT about printer drivers really is someone's perfect day, but its not mine.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with my life and at 36 and three-quarters am still wondering what I'll be when I grow up.  But I hope it doesn't involve a lanyard with an ID, because the idea that we can be truly happy outside of work while hating our job is a fallacy.  We spend so much time at work, whether physically there or mentally due to smartphones.  I don't mind work being a heavy part of a work-life balance.  I just want the work part to count for something besides a 401 contribution and 10 paid holidays a year.

It was Quiet

The above photo was taken by Mark Lennihan, an AP photographer from the base of the Tribute in Lights memorial piece at the base of Manhattan.  I always loved the lights and wished they had stayed up longer, stupid migrating birds.  I think part of the reason I liked them so much was they were silent and incredibly powerful.  People reported seeing them from the Jersey Shore and out on Long Island.  They were an incredibly powerful tribute to the buildings and New York that was before 9/11/2001.

I miss that quiet reverence.  Today on the National Mall, we had some Muslim 9/11 Truthers who had planned something called the Million Muslim March.  Well, that freaked out conservatives who responded with the 2 Million Bikers to DC.  [Sidenote, remember when the first Million Man March happened and we actually thought we would get a million people anywhere] So you've got these morons yelling about false flags, and other morons yelling no to Sharia law.  Then there were still other morons called Patriots 4 America who were yelling to get Obama impeached.  Finally, the biggest boob of all, was railing about Benghazi.

I have one favor to ask everyone.

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. 

Today is not the day for your platform, or your cause.  This is not your day.  It is everyone's day.  Maybe this day will turn into some bullshit holiday like Memorial Day, where people actually say Happy 9/11 Day, and Sears offers amazing deals on lawnmowers.  Maybe people one day will forget what happened on this day so many years ago, and just recall it from a CNN broadcast of B-roll of buildings collapsing and firefighters hugging as "reporters" blather about nothing.  Maybe that will all happen.

But not today.  Today, I remember.

I remember how blue the sky was that Tuesday.  I remember that the weather was perfect.  A little cool, but one of those crisp fall days in the city that rival any New England foliage.  I remember how nice everyone was that week.  How people actually were aware of the police and thanked them, as opposed to viewing them like lamposts or the homeless, something you see but don't notice.  I remember a city being briefly panicked and then just being so kind and so strong and people just helping everyone and caring about everyone. It showed the inside of a New York that you knew was there as a New Yorker, but never usually saw.  Mostly I remember it being quiet.  The light would turn green and nobody honked.  And that was unheard of in a city that used the horn like teenagers use emoticons.

I am lucky to have a Facebook feed filled with friends and police officers which means that today was an outpouring of memories, grief and pride. I don't think everyone needs to wear black today.  I don't think people can't get tanked and make life mistakes today.  But you respect this day and you don't use the memories of dead heroes and flag pins to score political points.  To gin up outrage for your cause.  There is no outrage so great that politicians can't wait 24 hours to rail about it tomorrow.

Today is a day for quiet.  Not literal quiet, but the silence from sensationalism and hyperbole and outrage.  Seriously.  Shut the fuck up.

P.S. I wasn't going to post today, because I didn't have much to say that I hadn't written about in years prior, but my friend Brian Grosz, tumbled (or whatever you kids say) something that struck me.  So thanks Brian.

Hello Alaska. Goodbye Alaska

Over the current 36 hours (Noon Sunday to Evening Monday) I will have travelled 9694 miles on American Airlines.  Indeed, as I type this, I'm currently drinking a gin and tonic and eating some warm nuts on my way to Chicago.  I travel a fair amount for work and play, but this purpose of this travel is simply to travel.  I'm on a mileage run.  I've explained this before in previous years, but wanted to discuss it as I had many friends this weekend totally confused.

I'm currently Platinum on US Airways, and in late April, American Airlines sent me an offer to make Platinum there if I flew 12,000 miles by August 31.  I didn't think it was a problem as I had work travel, but I didn't get to fly only American and found myself short, by like, a lot.  Making the challenge means having status on American until the end of 2014, so I really wanted to do it.  So I found a flight to Alaska for around $350 and booked it.  And then I realized I was going to be about 600 miles short.  So I needed to tack on this flight tonight to Chicago.

Now, if I'm being honest with you, Platinum on American and US is pretty good but it's not the best.  It's the second highest level of status and status is really like the analogy about sled dogs.  Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.  So I would very much like to get that level of status, because they come with systemwide upgrades or SWUs, usually pronounced SWOO.  This lets you take your $500 ticket to Europe in Coach and upgrade to Business.  It's the holy grail.  The granddaddy of the domestic upgrade.

Also to keep it real, you should be mileage running at the start of the year, because you get the status for the following year, so why not get the most out of it.  And to further preach, the best way to do this is just a few TPAC (Across the Pacific) runs because those can be 18,000 miles roundtrip each, meaning you don't have to keep flying 30 domestic legs.

This is weird.  It's not normal.  I get that.  But my friends spend money on clothes or golf clubs or pre-natal care.  I choose to spend my money on this.  I said before that most people thinks that their vacation starts when they get off the plane.  Bullshit.  I say it starts when you get to the airport.  But you have to play the game right.  Instead of saving money by flying Spirit (I think I vomited in my mouth a bit) why not fly an actual airline and have champagnes and a lie-flat bed.  It's not that hard.  I'm not bright, and I can do it.

My tortellini is here.  God Bless American Airlines serving dinner on a 2 hour flight.  I hope Doug Parker doesn't screw with that if the merger goes through.  This carrot cake is delicious.

OKC

Yadda yadda, will blog more, yadda yadda.

Now that I've got that out of the way, allow me to talk to you a little bit about a recent trip to Sooner Country.  The great capital of Oklahoma.  Yes friends, I'm talking about Oklahoma City.  Like many of  my trip reports, this will really just be a bulleted list.  Mostly because I'm too lazy for anything else.  Second, because bullets should convey that this isn't a real comprehensive list.  More like brain farts around a specific theme.  So, in no particular order, here's my take on OKC:

• The city looks like a jigsaw piece.  No really.  Look.  
  

• Given the recent tornadoes, the TV was full of car dealers offering "hail-damaged" vehicles for thousands of dollars below resale.  Could be just a ploy.  But then while discussing these cars at breakfast with my colleague, a local fellow explained that they were really good deals, but you can't get them covered by warranty or insurance or something.  It all made more sense at breakfast, I promise.  
• It was hot.  Seems obvious, but it's a different kind of heat than my Northeastern/Mid-Atlantic roots.  Not humid, more like a sauna. If you want to know how hot it was, we passed up $1 beer night at the ballpark because I was pretty sure I'd get heat stroke.  Reminded me of this scene from an old movie.  

• The skyline is odd.  All of the buildings are around the same height.  30 stories or so.  Then Devon Energy built their world headquarters and it looks like a giant F-U to the other companies.  Or perhaps that the CEO is compensating.  

• There's a touristy area of the city called Bricktown.  So called because it has a lot of brick buildings.  It was essentially an old warehouse district that was rundown and a local developer decided to spruce up.  The built this fake canal that meanders through it, and they have boat tours.  This seemed odd to me.  "If you turn to your left, you'll see Hooters which opened here 4 years ago, and off to the right is Toby Keith's 'I Love This Bar' which has been a hit since 2008."  
• Don't see The Purge.  It was terrible.  There are so many times you find yourself yelling at the screen.  This has nothing to do with OKC, but I saw it there and it was God awful.  

• See this thing?  This is an oil derrick.  And they're everywhere in OKC.  On the airport grounds, in random spots in the city, at the FAA Academy.  I'm sure this is like seeing pigeons in NYC, but the idea that there are natural resources right under the city being pulled out of the ground is kind of interesting.  

I love that Dirty Water

I spent 5 years in Boston, working for the state, preparing state and local personnel for an incident much like the one that cowardly and savagely struck the City of Boston on Patriot's Day.  Boston is a closed city in many ways.  You either are from there or the region, or you went to school there, normally.  I was neither, moving there from New York City in 2004 for a number of reasons.  I was dating someone. I thought I had failed the Sergeant's test, and I realized that while I loved being a cop, that I wasn't great at it and I wanted to be great at something. 

After moving up there, the relationship fell apart (that was on me) and I ended up working for state government for five years.  Most of that time was spent with the talented people at the Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency.  I actually conducted drills preparing for the marathon with the very same people who were carrying people down Boylston and undertaking heroic lifesaving missions in the medical tent. 

Also, I found a family up there.  Boston might be hard to break into, but once you do, you have family and amazing friends. I had friends running the marathon.  My friend Sara just had a baby a few months ago and was running while Chuck and her daughter Piper watched.  All of them are fine.  Physically.  Having been in New York on 9/11, I know well that just because you weren't affected with cuts or bruises, there can be damage sometimes to your heart and mind.  And while the media talks about Patriots Day, this was indeed the granddaddy of bullshit Mass State Holidays.  No offense, Bunker Hill Day.  I remember being  drunk at 1PM stumbling out of the Boston Beer Works in Kenmore thinking that life is grand.  And all those alcohol fueled people swarm down to the marathon route to scream at the runners, urging them on.  The Red Sox even have a morning start time at home each year to help.  It's a perfect storm of Massholes and happiness. 

And while I was watching yesterday, I knew everything would be alright, because I knew who was working there.  My friends Rene and Adam in Homeland Security/Emergency Management.  Super bright and no-bullshit people that nothing gets by.  I thought about Bob Haley of Boston EMS, perhaps the only man that still can pull off a flat top, who is nicknamed Sarge and who commands respect.  I just imagined him seeing the bomb go off, flicking his cigarette to the curb and saying "Oh Hell No", in his gravely voice.  Bombs don't make Sarge scared.  Just mad. 

Hearing stories of the professionalism and heroism of the people who responded was not a surprise.  They're incredibly capable and they also care a lot about that city and that day.  Apologies for the rambling nature of the post.  And everyone has one, but I wanted to say that Boston will always be my home in many ways.  I love its people and its attitude and its heart.  When things calm down a bit, I'm going to come up and drink some Sam Summer, eat some grilled meats and we'll all laugh again. 

Until then, you all up there need anything, your tax dollars aren't funding Amtrak's "high-speed" train for nothing, you know. 

Don't Poke The Transgendered Bear

Updated:2/26 with some Kansas love.  Kansas, home of the WBC as well as some really cool VC Grads.  Go Jayhawks.
___________________________________________________________________________________

So, in the two days since my last post, some really cool stuff has happened. What began initially as a rebellion against the Westboro Baptist Church turned into a Vassar LoveFest. I've gotten some comments that said we shouldn't do anything in response. That they feed off the response. Lets get one thing clear. These people don't give a shit about counter-protests. They could care less if you show up or not. They enjoy their constitutional freedoms and further enjoy the lawsuits that they get to file when they feel they've been violated. Because the only thing worse than a family of religious bigots is a family of religious bigoted lawyers.

Anyway, enough about those losers. Remember the fundraiser for the Trevor Project? Their goal was $4,500. Yeah, they're currently at over $67,000 with over 2,000 donations.   So that's better than a collage of puppy photos. Second, watching all of this pride on Facebook and Twitter, I thought about how to celebrate that. So, I suggested the idea of having Vassar Club events on the evening of the 28th to just get alums together to drink and laugh and share what made Vassar so special. Personally I think getting alums from over the years together is a great reminder of how special VC is by itself.

Cathy Lunn, who oversees the clubs for AAVC, sent out an email to the larger clubs suggesting that idea and it turns out that some, like NYC, were already planning something. Damn you New York. Always ahead of the curve.  So I thought I would list the clubs participating in Pride Night and people can hopefully find a club near them.

D.C. 
Cause, A Philanthropub
1926 9th St. NW (Near U St.)
7:30 PM until the hospitals fill up
Contact: Graham Campbell

NYC
Mug Lounge (Serves beer and offers dark grinding opportunities)
448 E 13th St. NYC
9:00 PM until the glow sticks go dark
Contact: Alex Dempsey
Tickets needed. Go to http://www.alumniconnections.com/olc/pub/VRG/geventcal/showListView.jsp#

Boston
Club Cafe 
209 Columbus Ave. (Back Bay)
Time TBD
Contact: Caitlyn Ly

Kansas City, MO
Snow & Co. (1815 Wyandotte, KCMO 64108)
5:30 - 7:30 PM
Contact: Kelly Berkson
**Snow & Co. will donate a percentage of the proceeds to a local LGBT
community center and safehouse** 

As more parties come in, I'll update the list. But simply put, this is awesome.  This isn't an AAVC thing and it doesn't have to be a Club thing. If you live somewhere like Albany, I'm looking at upon Mazura, and want to have a get together, I'm happy to post it here also. Either leave a comment or email me. My email is the contact info for the DC group.

Thanks to the Westboro Baptist Church

So today, the Westboro Baptist Church announced that they will picket Vassar College on February 28th, for apparently 45 minutes.  Their press release is below.  They had a Twitter post that called the school "fag enablers"

Now, this protest is only for 45 minutes and as usual, there will be far more counter-protestors than protestors.  WBC doesn't actually care about the protest.  They are actually hoping that their rights to assemble are infringed upon and then they sue and fund their bizarre little empire.  The Southern Poverty Law Center has rightly labeled them a hate group.

I went to Vassar College and graduated in 1999.  Friends and fellow alums have posted some great stuff on Facebook.  My friend Tom posted this:
"Westboro is going to Vassar? Hoo-boy. You're bringing a fart to a shitfight. Sure, 'don't dignify them with an answer' is the way most would deal with this. Vassar students, on the other hand, have been training in mountaintop dojos for 150 years for this. When someone inevitably prints up, "Fag Enabler" t-shirts, send me one." 

Someone else set up a Crowdrise fundraising page for The Trevor Project, which is a group that provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention to at-risk LGBT students.  The page was set up today with a goal of $4,500.  It's currently at $7,223 13,878 and climbing.

Yet the thing that I kept thinking about, was not my anger at the ignorance of a family of lawyers, but my love of my college. Vassar is a weird and quirky place, that used to have an event called The Homo Hop.  I was told when I got there that we didn't have a homecoming, but a "homo-coming." And while each year, seniors are convinced that the freshmen are boat shoe wearing, popped collar having, rich conservatives, its not really true.

I was a tour guide and every few tours, when I finished the tour and was standing around waiting for individual questions, a parent would come up and ask me if it was true that the school was 40% gay.  (I have no idea where they got these numbers.) I would say honestly that I didn't think Vassar had many more gay students than any other college.  I thought that gay students felt more comfortable at Vassar, enough to hold hands in public, or to kiss each other at parties.  I said that I was glad that I went to school in a place that felt that safe enough for people to be who they really are.

I am immensely proud of where I went to school.  And I had forgotten that pride, as life often gets in the way of remembering the things and places that made us.  It's easy with careers and family life to forget how we became who we are.  The people that I studied drank alongside of are probably some of the most amazing and intelligent people I've known.  To broadly paraphrase Groucho Marx, I'm not sure I'd want to be associated with a school that the WBC wouldn't protest.

While those inbred morons did not mean for this byproduct, I am so glad they decided to protest.  It has brought back a flood of good memories and long smiles.  And it's helped me remember a place and a people who've made my dumb ass who I am.

I am a Brewer.

So far January is Kicking Ass

So January of 2013 is one week old and it's looking pretty good so far.  Let's go over 2013 so far....

• A Job: So it looks like I'll be employed by the end of the month, with a full-time job.  I'll be working for a company that is contracted to a federal agency, managing a 24/7/365 Operations Center.  I'll explain a little more once my offer letter is signed, but clearly gaining a paycheck and full-time employment is a great way to start the year.  I've not been working for 4 months and so it will be really nice to return to an office and to have some managerial opportunities.  Also, this means that I have free range for the next three weeks to play video games and explore DC with no guilt.  Awesome.  
• Exploring Stand Up: So I decided to take the plunge and try open mic stand up.  After hearing from lots of people that I should do it, I thought I might give it a shot.  I think I had been hesitant because I enjoy humor a lot, but never wanted it to really feel like a job.  When you're a comedian, that's what you do and people approach you differently.  When you're a state employee, people really have none of those expectations.  My first gig this this Thursday night at a Kimpton Hotel for 3 minutes, so if I bomb, it can't last that long.  
• Live Music: So went to the 9:30 Club for the first time on Saturday which is a medium-sized venue about 8 blocks from our place.  We saw Delta Rae, Jillette Johnson and the Wildfeathers. It had been awhile since I'd seen a show, and it was awesome.  The sound at the venue is terrific and it's just the right size.  We will surely be back.  But Delta Rae, who are from Durham, NC (Duke still sucks), were awesome and their energy was infectious.  Liz Hopkins (@BatSparkles) was awesome.  

So that's been the first week of January.  I really can't wait for the next few.  We've got a trip to Munich coming up, seeing friends up and down the East Coast, and some Kiva events.  Good stuff indeed.  Happy New Year everybody!

Travel Help

So many of you know I enjoy travel.  Allyson and I have been to Budapest and Lima in the past year and a half, and we're going to Munich in February in Business Class, because you really can't beat 110,000 miles for lie flat across the pond.  Also see: Beer and Schnitzel.

My folks needed some assistance rebooking some flights they had cancelled several times, so I took care of that and even got them decent seats.  Its a United codeshare, so I needed to explain that.  See here for an interesting post that a guy named Brett wrote about the subject. Speaking of Brett, he operates a service called Cranky Concierge, which provides flight monitoring for people so they can rest easy knowing that their connections are being watched and the concierges will even call the airlines and rebook if you're cancelled.  I started working for him a month or so ago and now I'm watching flights for others.  If you're interested in stocking stuffers, you can buy credits to be used for monitoring or booking assistance.

But as I was helping my folks book their tickets, I was thinking about how I enjoyed it.  So in addition to the other 14 jobs I have, I thought I would start doing some booking and planning assistance.  And as I'm unemployed, I'd take donations.  Nothing crazy. Like a 6-pack if I helped you.  Some of these award booking services charge $150 or more for this, which can be worth it because it can take awhile to look through all the various places for the different airlines.  Clearly if you're booking your honeymoon trip or have questions, I wouldn't charge anything.  It can just be my gift.  (Note how I start this, after all my friends are married.  I'm no dummy.)

So if people have questions or need help choosing a credit card or a miles program, feel free to ask a question in the comments or call/email me.  I would say that you should sign up for AwardWallet, but in the past year AA, United and Delta have stopped allowing information to be shared, because they're idiots and don't understand technology.  Sign up anyway if you haven't.

If you need inspiration for miles collecting, check out this report by Ben on Emirates F on their Airbus 380.  The plane has two showers with heated floors.

Open Letter to Vassar 2: Electric Boogaloo

So my previous post about my issues with Vassar's engagement with alumni was well received by alums and friends and others.  It apparently raised eyebrows at the Vassar Alumni and Development Office.  About a day after the post, I received a call from Susan with their office to see if we could have a talk.

I had known Susan and she had been present at the planting of Erin's tree and I would usually try and meet her for coffee whenever she was in Boston or DC to meet with more lucrative donors. So I was happy to talk to her because we know each other, and it wasn't just some random person who called to appease me.

So some things I've learned from VC:

• There are apparently already outlets for alumni who help Vassar with financial assistance: There's even a committee for Alumni House.  However, it's pretty non-transparent.  Also it appears you have to be an AAVC Trustee or something be on these committees, which is not what I was looking for.  So while it's great that some alums are helping, it's not enough.  
• The school understands the issues with Alumni Interviews:  This shouldn't come as a surprise, but many folks who participate as alumni interviewers are often frustrated about a lack of feedback from the college or the fact that the interviews are informational and therefore don't seem like a good use of a busy alum's time, if they're not going to matter that much.  
• Vassar says that alumni want to be engaged in all different ways:  This is true.  However, you can't use this as in "We can't be everything to everyone, so we'll just not do much." I explained that they need to do something, especially if the breakdown is as follows: 
• 50% want to be left alone
• 30% are content with that awesome book of trees
• 20% want more active engagement.  

           They need to engage that last group.  Also, they need to recognize that this last group is going to         grow and continue to grow, and be loud about it.

• Vassar sort of gets it, but they're nervous: Some at the college see this change happening.  They know that their donor base is becoming more diversified and therefore less eager to drop a check in the mail for thousands of dollars without explanation.  However, they're understandably nervous about moving to a new model, when the old model made them so much money.  I mean, if you sent out envelopes and got them back filled with cash, would you change?  

So Susan and I agreed to reconvene in January.  She wanted to talk to some people in the department about this and how it could be done.  That's cool.  And she also said that people in the office were taken aback and slightly hurt by my last post.  For that I'm sorry.  Understand that my words came from a place of love and passion and not anger.  I think the fact that I even am talking about this shows that I care.  

So I'll keep people updated.  But know this, I'm not letting this go.  This is the future of giving.  And Vassar should get out in front of this and not have to play catch up.  This isn't rocket science.  I was a cop.  I once had to watch a training video telling me to open the gas cap before fueling my car.  If I can figure this out, then clearly Vassar College can too.  

If you're with me, lets make some noise. 

Open Letter to Vassar College

Dear Vassar, 

I graduated from your fine institution 14 years ago and to this day, some of the best friends in my life and greatest memories have come from those four years.  As a student, "in the bubble", I felt a strong connection to you.  As an alum, that connection has faded, as our relationship has become a financial one.  When my good friend Erin Schlather died unexpectedly and we worked with you to plant a tree in her name, that tree was removed for renovation of Swift Hall with no notice given to any of us.  

My good friend Montu recently wrote an email to the Dean of the College asking if we could be of any help to the college.  He is a hotelier and could offer some technical assistance for the college owned and operated Alumnae House.  I have worked on emergency planning and operations for most of my life and would be happy to review any plans or help create new ones.  Free.  As in, I can't give you $250, but my bill rate used to be $135 an hour, so I'm betting I can give you much more in sweat equity.  

This is the reply we got:

Dear Montu,

Thank you for your email.  I work with your class on class fundraising efforts and wanted to respond to your question directly.  

Unfortunately at the present time it is not part of the College's overall fundraising program to accept goods or services as in kind donations (currently we can only accept gifts of art as gifts in kind).  We do receive offers of services and requests quite frequently, so this is certainly on our radar.  I will keep your contact information and will be sure to update you if there are any changes or updates to the policy.

Again, thanks so much for the feedback.  Please don't hesitate to contact me with any other questions.

Best,
XXXXX (Development Person)

Alright VC, can we talk? Listen, as the 2008 elections have shown, the old white ladies that give you 8 Steinways in their will or priceless paintings are sadly passing away.  The fact that you know there are alums who want to help you and yet you still have nothing in place is pathetic.  Listen, I get it.  You want money.  Cold, hard and (most importantly) unrestricted cash.  Your nightmare is losing control of your money by people basically picking what kind of tree they want there or the colors of the dorm walls.  Trust me, I get it.  But, you're missing out on a whole generation.  Your fundraising still consists of the following model. 

1. Mail out glossy catalog with pictures of trees and names of donors, with donation envelope enclosed
2. Receive and deposit checks.  
3. Repeat. 

Listen, that's awesome.  And simple.  And I understand why you don't want to give that up.  You want to ride that gravy train, until you hit a lump and derail.  But people give money because they feel connected.  And a glossy book and open bar on 2 Buck Chuck every five years does not a relationship make.  I feel used.  

You have incredibly talented alumni and you could involve them in lots of different ways.  I know a guy who looks like a killer in Brooklyn but has some dulcet pipes who could record your phone tree for you.  Montu could easily make you more money at Alumni House.  And I can make sure that when a dorm needs to be evacuated the school doesn't tell 250 students to "go find some friends." This really happened.  The Great Jewett Flood of 1997. I understand that there could be liability involved with volunteer work, but we're adults and went to a pretty decent college, so I'm sure we could figure it all out. 

Your alumni are changing and they're growing in a philanthropic world of Kickstarter and Donors Choose and Kiva (technically not a charity), and they're going to want a different relationship with you.  And you will need to offer that.  So why not get ahead of the curve?  Why not try something daring and new?  Why do you innovate in the sciences to bring in new students, but are behind the times in keeping them plugged in.  

Final Story: I attended a college fair in Brookline, MA as an alumni volunteer several years ago, and got paired up with Caitlin and JA, two charming and brilliant women who graduated 5 years after me.  And just talking to them, not even about college, made me again realize how special Vassar was and is.  And it made me donate more to the school because I felt that connection, even third party through these other women.  Help me help you make that connection.  

You are better than this.  Be better than this.   

Sincerely, 

Graham Campbell '99

P.S. Feel free to call me.  You have my number as you call me all the time to ask for money.  

P.P.S I wanted to say that I don't think Vassar is any worse at this than other colleges.  I think the relationship between alum and alma mater is flawed as the general rule where this type of fundraising happens. 

The Mileage Run

So I'm currently on my second mileage run and people think I'm crazy and so I wanted to take a little space to explain what the hell I'm doing and why.  First, here's what my flight path looks like for the past 48 hours.

This deep vein thrombosis party is netting me 11,534 US Airways miles.  Currently, US has a promo where if you use their credit card, they will double the PQM.  So that will be 23,058 miles.  Let me back up a bit and explain some basics.

So a mile is not a mile.  There are actually two different kinds of miles for airline purposes.  My friend Scott has a good rundown on this on his blog, but in short. An RDM, or redeemable mile. is a mile you get from flying, or from renting a car, or from using your airline credit card.  Almost all miles are RDMs.  They can be redeemed for travel or other stuff including TVs or other crap.  They are most valuable for flights in premium cabins. These miles stay in your account and often you need activity in a year to keep them.  Bear in mind that activity can be something like ordering a magazine with miles or checking in on FourSquare for 50 miles somewhere.  The easiest way is to use the airline's shopping portal.  US's is located here.  Buy anything, preferably cheap and then keep your miles safe for another year.

The other kind of mile is a Preferred Qualifying Mile (PQM) or Elite Qualifying Mile (EQM).  The clock for collecting these miles begin on Jan 1st and end on December 31st.  These miles must be flown.  Otherwise known as Butt In Seat (BIS) miles and these get you elite status.  What is elite status?  Well, let's look at what I got today from my elite status:

• I got to use Pre-Check at DCA, which lets you keep your shoes and belt on, your liquids and your computer in your bag, and you only have to go through an old school metal detector.  It was like flying in 1985.  Free with my Gold Status on US.  
• I got to choose 10F as my seat.  Not only is it an exit row, but it doesn't have a seat in front of it.  So I've got tons of legroom.  
• I'm upgraded to first on my next flight, which means extra room, free booze, and more. 
• I get to board the plane in the first group, which means plenty of space for my bag, which isn't a big deal today because I only have a backpack.  

Here's a chart from American to show what their benefits are.  The levels usually start at 25,000 flown miles in a year, and most top out at 100,000 EQM/PQMs for the top.  There are levels above that, but the numbers are small.  

Elite Status matters a lot, to me.  The ability to preselect the exit row alone is amazing.  On United, they have Economy Plus, which has rows of extra legroom, and people love that.  So I will make Platinum on US this year between my flights already and one more upcoming.  That puts me further up the list on upgrades and other benefits.  I'm contemplating buying up to Chairman's Preferred, which is the top level.  Seems nuts, but they give you vouchers that allow you to upgrade your coach seat to business when flying international, and so they are worth thousands of dollars.  

Again, I'll never pay for International Business or First, but I will choose to fly them as much as I can.  Matter of fact, the lady and I are going to Munich in February in seats that look like this.

And all it took was 50,000 miles per ticket.  Think about that next time you redeem a flight to LA for 35,000 miles in coach with a seat that doesn't become a bed.  If anyone has any questions about starting out in the miles game, either hit the comments or email me.  

Playing Catch Up

So Sports Fans,

When we last talked, I was about to fly all around the globe in a week.  I did that.  It was done.  I actually was a guest blogger about the experience for a travel site.  You can read that here.  Basically it was a ton of fun, though expensive fun.  The best parts of the trip were easily, the people, the 787 and meeting the folks from LiveStrong.

So the people.  This wasn't my first time meeting real humans that I met on a web site.  I had been to the Chicago Seminars and also had been to a bunch of Yelp functions.  And my theory of "Online Thirds" was correct here as well.  When you meet people you only know as avatars and posts in real life, a third of them will be exactly as you imagined them.  Gregarious, funny, loud, what have you.  A third of them are super quiet online, but in person are really amazing and outgoing people.  And the final third are people that should only exist and interact in a virtual environment.  They're either creepy, close talkers, or incredibly socially awkward.  Like the guy who kept "shushing" people at a party in someone's room.  Dude, this isn't 5th grade.  And there's no point in preserving a party where you can't talk.  Or you're getting shushed at.

The 787 is an amazing plane.  Really.  More evolutionary than revolutionary, it just seemed more comfortable.  A lot has been made of the window shades, which are electronic and darken through electrical current.  I think the coolest thing was actually the size of the windows.  33% larger than regular windows.  Also, the seats even back in steerage seemed much more comfortable.  I look forward to flying to NRT on the inaugural flight from Denver in March.  Also, flying in a plane that only a few days old is pretty cool.

Finally, I met three wonderful folks from LiveStrong, the charity most known for the yellow bracelets that everyone and their brother wore a years ago.  They have taken a hit with the whole Lance Armstrong thing exploding. And admittedly I didn't really know what they did, besides fighting cancer.  Well, Jen, Renee and Colleen joined the trip in San Fran and stayed until Chicago.  I learned that Livestrong does really cool stuff like assign mentors to cancer victims to help them through their recovery.  And with Armstrong stepping down from the group that defined him as much as his yellow jerseys (Now confiscated), it helps to have some incredibly bright and caring people to share the organization and its mission.  I will totally support this charity, having cancer affect my family.  It's nice to be able to give back, even while drinking at 30,000 feet.

I will leave you with this video of my attempt at a safety demo at the United Flight Attendant Training Center outside Chicago. I'd like to thank the very lovely and patient Lauren Cyr, my flight attendant instructor who can be seen helping me with my life vest.  Stay tuned through the whole thing for the surprise ending.  Well, it was a surprise to me.

Wait, You're Doing What Next Week?

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have a thing for traveling.  Well, not just traveling per se, but collecting miles or points and then using them to travel to cool places.  I'm one of the few people who likes air travel.

However, today I'm embarking on a trip that's weird even for me.  Weirder still, I'm going with about 200 other people who share the same hobby.  Here is my flight path for the next seven days.

I'm participating on this thing called the Star MegaDo 4.  Star because it's for the Star Alliance.  MegaDo, because it's a large Do (duh). And 4, well I'll let you figure that one out.  The International Portion which is only about 50 of us heads to Frankfurt to meet with Lufthansa for a few hours and then to Zurich to meet with Swiss Airlines for a day.  And then we're joining United on the three domestic cities.

Airlines love this because they get access to the most rabid travelers they have.  Literally a super-user group that knows more about the ins and out of their airline than many executives.  And flyers like it because they get to meet other people like them from all over the world and they get to do cool stuff like be on the tarmac at airports which still makes the kid in them smile. 

So I'll be blogging while on the trip.  Also, the trip itself has an actual blog, written by Randy Petersen who is well known for founding the two major frequent flyer blogs.  You can follow that here, if you're so inclined. 

Some might wonder why I'm doing this when I have no real income stream.  Well the tickets were paid for, so asides from food and the hotels I'm splitting and the money for charity, it was worth it to me.  I don't buy clothes, ask Allyson.  My main purchases are travel and video games.  Which while nerdy, is better than hookers and blow.  

No Way in Hell the NYC Marathon Should Go On. (Updated: It's not)

Updated: As I wrote this post, it was announced that the marathon was cancelled.  Clearly they knew that I was about to publish this post. Also, I changed the title of the post as it was unfair for the runners and the organizers should have borne the vitriol. 

Perhaps I'm cranky today.  Maybe it's Donald Trump being Donald Trump.  Or maybe its the fact that NYC got hit by a hurricane and everyone knew it was going to be serious and the news is filled with stories of horror that could have been avoided. Or maybe I just am tired of the election and the schizophrenic polling which is exhausting to follow.

However, the news that the NYC Marathon, one of the world's largest and preemient racing events, will be go on as scheduled really bothers me.

Mayor Bloomberg's Reasons For

He's quoted by Sports Illustrated as saying "has to show that we are here and we are going to recover'' and "give people something to cheer about in what's been a very dismal week for a lot of people.''

Let's talk about this for a second.  The Marathon is only exciting for one group of people, those running the marathon.  Very few New Yorkers look forward to a weekend day in November when driving and walking anywhere is impossible.  I remember sitting in traffic headed to work in 2000 for an hour and I moved a block.  A total nightmare.

Also, is there any doubt that NYC is going to recover?  New Yorkers have no doubt.  Sure there are some living near water that may relocate or move. But NYC is resilient, and you don't need to convince New Yorkers of that fact.  We went through 9/11.  We know what the city is made of.  So maybe you're trying to reassure tourists.  Well, two things on that.  First, a marathon isn't the event that's going to do it.  Second, tourists don't leave Manhattan below 59th St, and once the power comes back online, the city will be full of shoppers and morons staring at the big tree.  Don't worry about them.

Bloomberg also said, "You have to keep going and doing things,'' he said, "and you can grieve, you can cry and you can laugh all at the same time. That's what human beings are good at.''

Alright,we're not talking about cancelling the marathon because of the enormity and sadness of the storm.  We're talking about a simple logistical matter.  Rest assured that if 2 bombs went off at schools, killing over 40 children (approximate number of Sandy deaths in NYC so far), then the marathon would be cancelled in a national day of mourning.  But that's not what happened.  This is not about restoring New Yorkers faith in humanity or the city or America.  This storm should inspire a closer look at SLOSH maps by New Yorkers, but that's it.  We don't need time to grieve.  We need time to get to the Home Depot and buy some tarps and drywall, without miles of traffic caused by an unnecessary athletic event.

My Reasons Against

• Staten Island: For those who don't know, Staten Island also known as Richmond County, is the oft forgotten borough.  Almost all residential, it is more conservative and whiter than any of the other boroughs.  Very popular for NYC employees who are from New Jersey but need to abide by the residency requirement.  They fit somewhat uncomfortably in the greater NYC.  Often talking of seceding.  Which if they ever did, would make them the second largest city in New York. The reason I bring up Staten Island is that it's the start of the marathon.  Right.  The place with the tanker on it, is where over 50,000 runners are arriving.  And taking over the only bridge to the rest of the city.  Right.  This makes sense. 
• First Responders: So my many friends in the NYPD have been working 12-hour tours since the storm.  FDNY has done the same.  Walking up 25 flights of stairs to help those people who thought they were correctly safe from flooding, but sadly not the time it takes for medics to respond to your floor without an elevator.  The streets are usually watched by the National Guard and cops during the marathon.  Both groups are people that should either be working on the recovery or taking care of their lives.   Look, these cops live on Long Island and Queens and Staten Island too.  I know friends who have lost their childhood homes.  And these cops would work for days to help others.  But now you tell me that they have to work an optional sporting event, instead of taking care of their business or stocking their fridge?  Bullshit.  

Oh, and marathon runners, I'm not against you.  I've run 5Ks which I know is what you do in order to break a sweat.  I understand the mental importance of finishing NYC.  But do it another year.  New York asks you.  You love this marathon because you get to run through the greatest city in the world on a nationally televised race.  The people of that city are trying to put their lives back together and you're being here does not help.  Trust me.  

Why Sandy Isn't Shocking

So I've been watching the news and following Twitter about the storm, and the stories are incredible.  The 6-alarm blaze that claimed over 50 houses in Breezy Point was particularly poignant because the photos didn't show water, but ash.  And the story of the hundreds of hospital employees and first responders who helped evacuate NYU Langone Medical Center by carrying adults and children down stairs and breathing for them using bag-valve masks, otherwise known as "bagging".

And there's tons of You Tube videos of people in Lower Manhattan astonished at the water flowing by their apartments.  I understand that it's not normal to see water pushing cars down 2nd Avenue, but its possible.  I looked up the SLOSH maps for part of NYC.  Slosh stands for Sea, Lake, Overland Surge due to Hurricanes and happens along all borders with lakes and other bodies of water. 

 

So the  yellow on the map is the surge from a Cat 1 storm, which is essentially what Sandy was.  Basically the storm is pushing the water onto land, but as the seafloor rises to meet the coast, that water has no place to go and gets pushed up into a larger wall of water.  This is why you can see surge heights of 3-5 feet easily.  Here's a great animation from the National Weather Service. 

Also, people seem to be shocked that the subway might stay closed for a week.  The subway is underground and runs on electricity.  These are two things that don't respond well to flooding.  There are currently 7 tunnels under the East River that are flooded, which will take time to pump out.  Even once all of the tracks are pumped out, they still need to determine what the state of the wiring is.  Juction boxes and track signals aren't meant to be underwater.  So give it some time.  Join the old people and get reacquainted with the joys of busing. 

New York City will bounce back from this, because it is a vibrant and resilient place that imparts its citizens with an attitude that doesn't take crap and makes the best of bad situations.  The message here is that this is nature and science and it doesn't care that you're not prepared or that your apartment is on the 28th floor.  If you have a heart attack, because you eat fatty foods, the EMTs will need to walk up 28 flights to get you.  And you'll be dead.  

As a born and raised New Yorker, my heart aches to see the city in harm.  But I also know that in this time of need, there are amazing acts of selflessness and heroism, like I saw during 9/11. Be safe, but more importantly, be aware.  I'm sure though that this storm has brought plenty of awareness for everyone.