Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Dinner on the road

So I had a late lunch, and then I went to Borders, where they screw you. I bought a drink and I got a "$5 off any purchase over $30" coupon. So I found some books and went up to the register and the exhange went something like this

Me: Hey, I'd like to use this coupon.
Trainee Guy: Uhh...this coupon isn't valid yet.
Me: Huh? I just got it from the Cafe.
TG: I know. See, look at it. It's valid from 8/17 to 8/20.
Me: What the hell kind of sense does that make? Ooooh...you know I'm going to lose this or throw it away before then
TG: Yeah, that's what they're banking on.

Damn you Borders, for knowing the slothfulness of the American consumer. I did buy the 9/11 Commission Report. I think this book probably should have been mailed to every home in the country, or put on sale for a dollar. So far it's an incredible read. Which, is saying volumes considering it's a federal document. I'm trying to get through it before the 11th.

So I went to dinner, and wanted to try this place called 5 guys. Supposedly the "In 'N Out of the East Coast". I thought I had the address right. I didn't bring the GPS unit with me, because I'm an idiot. I went in search of this:

And I came away with this....

Served to me by a 12-year old. Now, I do love me a Blizzard. I had the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. This however is not the burger pictured above. I rationalized it in my head by thinking that the Blizzard probably had less calories than a burger, soda and fries, but this is a horrible argument. I was defeated tonight, but I have not lost the war. Before I leave this hell-hole of office parks and gated communities named after the things that were leveled to make room for them (Running Brook, Evergreen Run, Quarry Ridge), I will have one of those burgers. I will Goddamnit.



maikib said...

hmmm... i really just have no comment at all. except i went to a "burger joint" tonight and managed to scarf up the only 'healthy' thing on the menu... portabella mushroom burger, drowning in cheese and misc. condiments with, of course, a side of delectable fries. yum.

Hero to the Masses said...

You are so mean. That's like the the cruelest comment I could have ever received.

Anonymous said...

A 5 Guys opened in Philly. Maybe I'll try it tonight and mail you the greasy wrapper.

Anonymous said...

you should try the toffee cheesequake blizzard. they're superb.

Anonymous said...

While people are suggesting foods, Campbell...I got to say....you probably should have picked up a salad and a diet cola instead of that DQ Blizzard.

I'm just saying.

Anonymous said...

Whoops! So when I make posts, I put in fake urls to amuse myself.

Turns out my latest was real and might be NWS. As in NOT WORK SAFE.

So don't click it. And feel free to edit it.

Damnit. Now my joke is ruined cause I linked porn.

Anonymous said...

I'm just pleased that a civil servant such as yourself exhibits such commitment to quality. In-N-Out for the East Coast sounds awesome. Today I stumbled upon a cheesesteak place in Manhattan Beach and managed not to yell at anybody. Ask any Philadelphian, that's progress.

Anonymous said...

mmm...I just had some cheese wiz soaked goodness a few days ago.

Though, truth be told, the world's best cheesesteak still doesn't beat a so-so lobster roll.

tory, you're not one of these mouth-breathing eagles fans that I walk among, are you?

fear and loathing in philly,

Anonymous said...

I was wondering about you, Philadelphia tom. Can we really compare lobster, even if it's served in a hot dog bun, to gooey cheesy low-quality meaty goodness? Of course not. That's like comparing... uh, lobster to a cheesesteak.
I will ignore your woefully confused comment about lobster rolls because I assume you're from New England and thus were taught such foolishness as a child. It's not your fault.
Now mouth-breathing, that's an advanced insult my friend. Clearly you've been amongst my people a while. Take note, despite allergies I am a committed nose-breather. Thanks, yoga.
And though I do not hesitate to shout loudly at sporting events (you can take the girl out of Philly, but...) deep down I could care less about sports I'm not playing. I mean, Go Iggles, don't get me wrong, but in my heart I'd rather be dancing. Or reading. Or eating a lobster roll. Wait, I meant cheesesteak!

Anonymous said...

I can say with full confidence that Tom is not from New England, but instead from Nebraska or some other god-forsaken midwest state.

I just to clear that up, so you know that he's just a poser. That boy didn't see a lobster roll till he moved to Boston as a fully grown adult.

Anonymous said...

Don't trust Pedro. His mind is rattled from being bounced off no less than 3 taxi cabs.

And is Puerto Rico even a country? Who's their UN delegate?