My powers are all encompassing

So work is going fine. The weekend was pretty much a blur, were it not for the fact that my friend Amy came up from New York City and I got to hang with her. We went to a party that made me feel old. Let's just say I brought wine and the first guy I run into is wearing a T-shirt that says "I got Bourbon faced on Shit Street." Needless to say, my wine was not as popular as the suitcase of beer. But the girl who had the party is terrific, and there was some rockin' pasta salad. So all good.

And tomorrow I get to drive to the other end of the state before the sun comes up. .40 cents a mile baby. That's how daddy makes a living wage.

An update to The Guy Before the Guy. So we all know that I am 6 for 6, but I have elevated to a new level. Two of those six have gotten engaged. One of the girls just got engaged. And the other one has apparently had a ring for a month or two by my roommate didn't know how to bring it up.

Jeff: Hey, so i bought some laundry detergent and noticed you have a headlight out. And there was something else...
Me: Either I forgot to put the dishes in the sink into the dishwasher, or C got engaged.
Jeff: Both.

Yeah, that probably would have been weird. But ladies, now more than ever I think it's proof positive that my superpower is legit. I could look at this in a glass half full "I'm going to be 50 and eating ramen in a studio apartment" kind of way. OR I could look at this as another way for me to give back to the community. And I'm nothing if not a giver.

Mas boxo de luncho

A Ha!

So the Daily News political blog linked to my post of the NYPD officer being grinded on, which is all good. So welcome people who will most likely only read that post and then leave me alone with my imaginary friends, who are currently tied with the number of real friends I have.

But speaking of real friends, one of them has written a book. Her name is Melissa Walker, and asides from being incredibly brilliant and quite attractive, she was also my dorm Vice President when I was President sophomore year of college. And while she probably doesn't remember that, I do, mostly because my other house officers were criminally incompetent. (Hear that, Amar? )

She has written a book about a girl coming of age...well here's the description:

A wallflower in the spotlight can do one of two things: wilt, or blossom...

Violet Greenfield's life changes forever when a lady in giant Chanel shades tells her she could be IT, the next Kate Moss-but taller, and without the PR problems. That's how Violet winds up with a business card in the front pocket of her jeans on her first day as a senior in high school. Angela Blythe from Tryst Models in New York City wants to put Violet on a plane and whisk her into the world of high-heeled boots and oversized sunglasses. Tall, skinny Violet, who's been P-L-A-I-N practically forever.

So buy this book. I don't care if you don't have a girl between the ages of 12 and 20, doesn't matter. Melissa needs to keep her DVR as part of the Time Warner package and that shit costs money, yo. So help out a wonderful girl and buy a book, wherever fine books are sold. And if your bookstore doesn't sell it, yell at them and speak in tongues and don't leave until they order like a thousand copies.

Amazon is carrying it.
Borders is too.
Or help out the little guy.

Here's her site. But men, please no crazy letters or photos of your junk. She's got a man. You can send the photos of the junk to your primary care physicians though. They like the whole virtual checkup thing. Make sure to cough when you take the photo.

Wednesday

1) I love The Dirty Dozen.

2) You know how people think there's a trend of kids at colleges getting smarter, with more valedictorians each year than the year before? Well, tell that to these knuckleheads at Northeastern. Oh Huskies, bow your heads in shame.


Photo courtesy of ropeofsilicon.com

Not just Labor Day

So yesterday was Labor Day, a holiday many celebrate by going to the beach or having a cookout.

It was also reason# 264 why I'm happy I'm not with the NYPD anymore. See, yesterday is the West Indian Day Parade in Brooklyn. And while the news covers it with the normal fluff and pomp, "It's a pageant on wheels at this colorful, unique cultural celebration." It's more like a riot on wheels.

The Festival starts the night before with a band concert called the Juvee. The band I escorted one time was a shopping cart with pans that some guy banged and a bunch of scantily clad women. A bunch of violence happens on the overnight, and it's totally out of control. Suffice it to say, if this was held on 5th Ave, it would be held for one more year.

My old friend I work midnights with, Nate, sent me this clip up on Youtube. He said, "You get what you pay for." This in reference to the low cops salaries.



Yes, that's snowfence. It's how they corral the people in the parade. They really use snowfence. Note the guy in the light blue polo behind the cop. He works for Community Affairs. Those guys have their hands full that day.

Ahh Brooklyn. I've got a bunch of funny stories about those nights. My favorite involving a man with sunglasses on in the dead of night, covered in motor oil and baby powder, humping the street. Oh yeah, totally naked. It's not just a job, it's a stand-up routine.

Bathroom ettiquite

In light of Senator Craig's stepping down, I reprint the article from The Onion that my friend Sam pointed me to.

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?

Not too shabby

So just wanted to point out that I'm blogging from a bus driving on 95 right now.

Oh, and watching The Good Shepard which is pretty good.

Not that bad. Here I come, my high school hooligan friends.

I love these photos.

I added my brother's link to the links sidebar, but in case you don't want to look over there....

The Bird's Nest

So handful of people who read this, meet my nephew Atticus. Atticus, please say hello to my family friends, ex-girlfriends, lurkers and Level 3 sex offenders who read this thing. (Amar, congrats on being upgraded from Level 2)*


How cute is this kid? I'd like to be swaddled.

* Please note: Amar is not a sex offender. This is called humor. I can provide references that all the women he has hung out with are over 75.

I always liked To Kill a Mockingbird

So sometimes writing a blog is not easy. I was looking for something to write about. It's late and I have to be up at 5AM for work tomorrow. And then the phone rings from an unknown number. I was about to let it go to voicemail, as I am usually wont to do. But I picked it up.

It was my brother Willett calling from Hong Kong, to tell me that I was an Uncle. Atticus Reid Bird was born on August 29th at around 8AM which was about 2 hours ago.

I'm an Uncle. How cool is that? I'm apparently already Crazy Uncle Graham, but I can deal with that. Nephews and nieces usually like their crazy uncles more than their uncles who wear designer jeans.

Family really is everything, isn't it? I can't wait until Christmas when I get to hold my nephew. I remember my Uncle Craig, my Dad's brother, once gave my brother and I this gigantic cinammon roll before we got on the plane to leave Montana where he lived. I remember thinking he was the coolest uncle ever. Now I realize that he was really screwing over my Dad by pumping his kids full of sugar and giving them 20 sticky fingers to wipe on everything and everyone. Genius. Strong Work, Uncle Craig.

You want Crazy Uncle Graham? You got Crazy Uncle Graham.

Bye Bye Gonzalez

I'm going to join the priesthood

So in my never ending quest to find a mate, so I can procreate and eventually have my offspring take over this puny planet, I posed a personal ad on Craigslist. Here it is:

I promise not to ever use LOL - 30 (Somerville)

---

Reply to: pers-405441470@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-08-24, 11:29PM EDT



Holy Crap, how is this so hard?

Let's see....I'm a 30 year old guy who is done with drama, and looking for adventure. I have a job I love that pays me okay but more importantly lets me sleep well at night. I have friends I love who I will fly anywhere for, and I love taking road trips, watching bad movies, and laughing with someone while refusing to get out of bed on a Sunday morning.

You ideally are in decent shape, are around my age, don't believe that typing OMG is professional. You like to read, and don't think that international destinations mean either Cancun or an island in the Caribbean. You should like your job, or at least be passionate about something. You don't have more than 10 cats. You will be able to get basic pop culture references, and you don't have Myspace as your homepage on your computer.

I'm not sure if all this makes sense. I'm just looking for a pretty, smart woman who likes to have a good time and isn't psycho. Barring this, I'm joining the priesthood.

Photos would be good. I received three responses, my personal favorite was this one (Italics are mine):

From : XXXXXX@msn.com
Re: CL Post

Thank goodness!

I think that all those acronyms are so tacky, not to mention very effeminate for a guy. I'm a woman and I would never use them! Okay....good start

OK, so now we're simpatico with that...Now let's see about the other stuff.

Not only do I love authentic travel ( probably like you, no Club Med, cruises (how can anyone call that travel?) or even Florida for that matter, but also love authentic food. No fast food (wait, that's an oxymoron!), no subs, soda, chain restaurants. etc. Are you still with me? Her dislike for sandwiches concerns me a little, but let's keep going....

I hate cats and love dogs and am very opinionated. I'm very feminine and also speak my mind, in an oh so ever diplomatic (wink) way... Right....good good.

OK, now the sticky stuff...Huh? Sticky stuff, what?

I'm married, happily so and have the OK to be doing something like this.Wait. What the fuckballs? Are you serious? We are very open and honest with each other. Let me know how you feel thus far. Thanks! How I feel? I feel like it's probably not going to work out.

Ciao for now...

So I wrote her back. Mostly out of morbid curiosity. I mean, does she want a threesome? I don't know what this all means. And my head hurt a bit. My response to her:
From: Me
To: Mrs. Psycho

Wait....I'm confused.

The sticky part is you're married? That seems a little more than sticky.

You said you have approval to do this? So it seems like you have an open marriage and what would you expect from me? I'm not working the camera. Did that once and it was bad. Too much zoom.

And finally, Mrs. Psycho's response to that:

I know, it sounds very suspect---at best. It definitely requires "thinking outside the box".

No, we’re not into 3somes or anything else. If you met me ---or us, you wouldn't get it. Yes we are happy and do love each other. However, I feel that I need more---a fun buddy to hang out with to do the things that my husband doesn’t like, such as dancing, which is my number one passion! I'm much more worldly and gregarious than he and just recently he has told me, "go out and have fun".

I am a very emotionally deep and socially conscious person who also happens to have a tremendous amount of positive emotional energy to share with people. OK, that just sounded very crunchy granola---believe me---I'm anything but!

Now what say you?

I give up. Seriously. I assumed I didn't have to put "Please don't be married on my personal ad." But as my old theater teacher told us, "Assumption is the mother of fuck up." Touche Mr. Gilbert. Touche.

Show me on a 61 to the bar, Central

So this weekend brought me down to New York City, by way of Mystic, CT. My old roommate was staying with her parents for the week in Mystic, and I went down for two nights. Really nice people from outside of Chicago, though Mystic is a little too much for me. It's packed with people buying shirts with lobsters that say "Mystic, CT" on them.

I soon left the Nutmeg State and drove down and woke my old partner from the NYPD up and hang out with him. He's got a nice little place in Ridgewood, Queens. And a plasma TV that is awesome. I almost feel bad for the people he locked up on overtime to buy it. Almost.

Will and I were partners for a little over 3 years. Both brand new out of the Academy, and working together in a car. So it wasn't like the movies. Also unlike the movies, most partnerships are work-only affairs. You come to work, spend 8 hours in a car together, and then go home. Luckily, we weren't really like that. We got to know each other's family. I was invited to his sister's wedding. And if my brother ever gets his crap together, Will will be invited to that one. He's like a best friend and a brother all rolled into one. Plus, he saved my ass from a few scrapes.

Returning to NYC is like putting on an old glove. It's different at first, but then you slip right back in and feel incredibly comfortable. And we returned to our old habits, which were...

Drinking at a local bar where $30 will take you all night.

Crank calling old colleagues who have now made supervisor and are forced to pick up the desk phone when it rings.

Enjoying a light repast at a trendy bistro, consisting of chicken rings, buffalo bites, and chicken with cheese sandwiches.

So it was a good night. And while there are still times I miss the NYPD. I have come to realize I mostly miss the people, because they have giant hearts, filthy mouths, and are clinically insane. So I will try and return to New York more often, because I miss laughing like that. Laughter is good for the soul.

P.S. White Castle is a great idea. However, make sure there are plenty of rest stops the next day if you are driving three hours or more. WC does to my insides, what smoking does to your lungs.

Reply Al....Oh Holy Crap

So you know that person in your office who doesn't understand that there's a difference between "Reply" and "Reply All"? I had an old boss who used to write all sorts of disparaging things to a person that then went to an e-mail list of 50. Classy.

Even classier if you are in charge of an airline.

Good Dinner

So I'm still reeling from my favorite movie experience of recent months.... God that was good stuff.

So today, I was thinking about the fact that The Guy Before The Guy is now 4 for 4. The last lady has found love recently, which is really great for her. She told me that sometimes when you want something it just happens. I told her I wanted Keira Knightly to show up at my door in a Broncos jersey and a Double-Double Animal Style. Still waiting, sports fans. So I was a little down, but I had a dinner tonight planned with a guy I haven't seen since my elementary school in 8th grade.

A little bit here about my elementary school. It was like where WASPS were bred. It valued winning and homogeneity above difference and effort. It was probably the worst place for a kid like me to go to school. I made some good friends, but overall it was a horror movie. And the guy I was meeting was in the "in-crowd" there. Was a good athlete, a real golden child.

So we got to talking about how we wound up in Boston from New York, and about school. And he was actually the one who said "I think all of us have permanent scars from that place." We laughed about how some of our classmates still live in that bubble because it's all they've known, and how we're happy we're in Boston and making our own way. It was really good. Therapeutic in some senses. It felt good to have him validate how upside down that place was. We did PFI (President's Fitness Initiative) every week. I thought it was normal to get timed climbing a rope affixed to the ceiling every Wednesday morning. Only in college did I find that PFI, which now the President's Fitness Challenge, was not mandatory. I'm looking forward to hanging out with this guy and his wife.

So it went from a so-so day to a good night. Maybe things do happen when you want them to.

The Grey Team on Lunchbox

Great use of video Waks....

Wagons ho!

I just got back late last night (or early this morning) from my trip out to Oregon. Some friends from college rented a house for a few days in Seaside. It was great and only rained one out of the 4 days. I would like to point out that Delta sucks. They rest somewhere near telemarketers and insurance salesmen in terms of their business practices. What the hell kind of airline needs to send me to Atlanta from Oregon, just so I can connect back to Boston? They have a hub in Salt Lake City, and Cincinnati. But they chose to use neither of those. And so I returned to Logan at 1:30 this morning. The idiot making the on-board announcements asked if we had any trouble with our connections to check the flight monitors. Listen you dizzy broad, if I had a 1:30 connection out of Logan, we're both in big trouble. Sorry....rant over.

I flew a kite, had some delicious microbrews, sat by a bonfire, and generally had a fantastic time. My freshman roommate Amar was there and we were the only uncoupled people. The last night, I was sleeping on the couch and he on the loveseat. And just after the lights went out he said to me, "Well bro, did you ever think it would turn out like this? The two of us, 30, banished to the common area due to our ill fortune with the ladies?" I thought that was quite funny. Here's a photo of the sky the day we left.

I like that photo. I'll post some of the other ones on Flickr. But that was a great trip. I'd like to go out again. Our friend, Liam, who lives out there and his wife are expecting, which is great. He's a monkey, but he'll make a great Dad.

Went out to lunch today, and hit up Wendy's. Had the Baconator. It basically made me sweat grease, but it tasted good...for a while. And then I had to go for a run to sweat out the swine. I passed by the spot that I fell and did not collapse again, so that was good.

Finally tonight, I saw Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD. This is a film from Troma Films, which is Lloyd Kaufman's shop. His daughters went to my high school, and I got to meet him when I coordinated a film festival there. Wacky guy, but man that movie was awesome. And by awesome I mean bad. But in a good way. Let's go over the highlights:

• NYPD Sgt. gets kabuki spirit breathed into him by dying man
• Gains ability to become Kabukiman and throw chopsticks and sushi at people.
  
• Tons of gratuitous boobie footage
• Has a chase scene involving a guy in a clown suit on a tricycle being chased by three cars full of bad guys.
  

At times the movie thought it was a little funnier than it was, but overall it was great.

Good friends, great movies, a run, and a burger with 6 strips of bacon. This my friends is why Canada will never beat us. Hose off, eh.

Go Ducks

I'm off for the next few days to Oregon for Oysterfest. It's usually Lobsterfest, but it's being held on the West Coast this year. And of my college friends, it's going to be a smaller group as a bunch of people couldn't make it. The only non-coupled people going are me and Amar, my freshman year roommate. I have plans to mount him by Saturday.

I will not be little spoon.

Waks reviews the Dems Debate

K, this is a few days old. Sorry Waka. But he did win Editor's Pick.

I'm like Eddie the Eagle of really slow jogging

So today, in an effort to purge the toxins from my skin, I resumed my jogging. And all was going well, I'd passed a mile and was running up Mass Ave right near Porter Square, when something went wrong.

I felt myself in the air, and a man of my girth took a surprisingly long time to hit the ground. I scraped my knee and cut up my hand. I did manage to land in a puddle right in front of this woman who stopped and was staring at me. I guess I know what people thought when they saw this thing finally come back to earth.

But, I kept on running like a Navy Seal. I'm going to get Nike or New Balance to do a commercial on me. My roommate thought I should have looked for some kind lasses to help me tend to my wounds.

Detroit will never be the same

• 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the brothers descended on Motor City and wreaked havoc. And if that weren't enough, we went to Windsor, Ontario and gambled, drank, and perhaps saw some boobies. The highlights of the trip....

1. I have to say here that seeing my brother so happy, and getting the chance to marry him and his wife was really the best. It was a nice short ceremony that I have no photos of as I was talking the whole time.
2. The NAFTA Shot. In honor of our trip to Canada, and in celebration of the NAFTA Agreement, we made Broxton drink a shot of ingredients from all the three nations. 1) Tequila from Mexico 2) Tabasco from the U.S. 3) Bacon Bits from Canada. I wanted to float a slice of Canadian Bacon on the top, but the waiter wasn't down with my genius. Here is a shot of that glorious drink.
3. My younger brother, Ross, forgot which car rental agency he made the reservation at. We were already at Hertz when he realized this, and Hertz had never heard of my brother and didn't care for the excessive amount of product in his hair. So I reserved the biggest thing they had, G-Diddy style. A 2007 Lincoln Navigator. Awww yeah son. It ate gas like a mofo, but I had to dim the lights and cap some fools, this would be my vehicle of choice.
4. We got pulled over by Birmingham's finest, and I didn't get a ticket. Always appreciate a little professional courtesy from fellow terror fighters.
   

It was a really nice weekend. The highlight I would guess would be a tie between driving the Navigator and getting two slow dances with a very nice girl from Pittsburgh. I think when you're with someone you can forget how nice a slow dance with someone other than your mother can be.

I'm back for a few days before I fly out again to .... The City of Bridges. Any guesses as to where that is?

The Congregation may be seated

I'm off tomorrow morning for my brother's wedding. So the brothers will be uniting like the Knights of the Round Table in Detroit, Michigan. (Except there won't be swords and there will be beer.)

I'm marrying my brother and future sister-in-law on Saturday. So we're going to catch a Tigers game tomorrow and then see what Windsor, Ontario through a tunnel to Canada.

I'll see if I can update the blog when I'm there, but it might not happen. I promise photos upon my return and I'll try not to create any international incidents. I'm on some sort of U.N. Watchlist for vagrants and malcontents I think.

I think Detroit PD is hiring. And as an incentive to working in the murder capital of the U.S., you get to work with this guy:

I am become Death

My apologies to Robert Oppenheimer for the title, but I'm sick y'all. It might be plague or the black lung. Either way, I've been sneezing, coughing and honking my way through the weekend.

The upside of my illness is that I've plowed through about 10 episodes of Rome: Season 1 on DVD. I love this show. I love Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo so very much. I like this only a little less than the Wire, which is to give it high praise. HBO makes the best shows on TV. So go out and rent this, if you haven't already.

And the other exciting news of the weekend was my brother buying a car. We went to brunch this morning at Deluxe Town Diner in Watertown and I had their full stack of pancakes. So good. I didn't even mind that I couldn't taste a thing with this cold. And then we stopped by the nearby dealership where Ross made the deal. So the car should be ready tomorrow evening. 2005 Jeep Wrangler, hard top, sand color, manual with 11K miles. Nice job little brother.

I've taken my Nyquil and I'm off to sleep.

I hate Meth

So I'm sick. Took a sick day today and everything. I normally sound like Barry White when I'm sick, however today I sound much like a seal. Not so hot. Anyway, I went to CVS to purchase some cold remedies. This always strikes me as funny because there's no cure for the common cold, which makes this akin to visiting some place that sells hair tonic or something.

At CVS I remembered again why I hate methamphetamine. Not because the explosions from meth labs kill hundreds of people a year, or because it destroys peoples lives and families. No, I hate meth addicts because they make it hard to get decent cold medicine. The good stuff, with pseudophedrine. In case you didn't know, Sudafed is one of the main items needed to cook meth, which means I had to go to the counter and give over my driver's license and a signature before I could enjoy clear nasal passages.

As a kid, you would see condoms behind the register and think what a hassle it must be to get those. Now, cold medicine is the new condoms. And sadly, I needed what was behind the counter today a lot more than what was behind it years ago.

Beer of the Week (Old)

The Beer of the Week last week was Baviera. It's a beer they make in Paraguay that comes in wonderfully big bottles. It's nice and smooth lager and reminds me again that most other countries have national beers that don't suck.

Observe the smoothness of the man who drinks Baviera.



Good luck finding it around here.....

Ahhh my second home

So I'm back. I actually got back last night, but the thought of writing about the trip seemed a bit overwhelming. It still does, to be honest. So I'm thinking of breaking this down into pieces.

The Trip Down

The trip down was long but uneventful. We were on American, which has this nifty thing called the Gold Challenge that I participated in. If you want status and you know you're going to fly on American a bunch in the next three months, it basically allows you to gain status with 5,000 miles instead of 25K. So I got status on my flight down, which is cool. The leg from Miami to Sao Paolo was on one of their new 777s, which was nice. It looks like this:
We rented a car to get back and forth to work in. It a manual and I guess that as I was the trip leader, I drove it. Lemme tell you something, driving in Asuncion in a stick shift is an experience.

Highlights of the trip included:

• Getting the Hooters Asuncion T-shirt.
  
• Working for 22 hours one day delivering food. Food in sacks that weighed about 100 pounds. Oh yeah ladies.....The beach is that way.
• Going out at midnight, because it's the early bird special if you go out any earlier.
• Hearing Dancing Queen blaring on the stereo with 4 guys in the car driving back to the hotel on that long, long day.
  
• Speaking enough Spanish to be dangerous.
  
• Enjoying a sunset so pretty it could make you cry.
  
• Spending quality time with amazing people and feeling like you make a difference in this world.
  

And there's tons more. I'll try and post some of the photos to Flickr.


It wasn't all hard work. Here I am with three of my colleagues...Susie, Haidee, and Mimi. Building Bridges.....


More later.....

Lo siento

Sorry this is a little late.....let`s make this quick. I leave tomorrow.

In the past few days I have:

• Spent 22 hours out of a 24 hour day actually working.
• Had my rental car broken into and my sunglasses stolen. Stupid thieves. Hope they have an astigmatism and amblyopia.
• Off loaded over 40,000 kilos of food to people along a river bank off a boat.
  
• Been inside a U.S. Embassy.
  

More stories later. Tonight, the bridge building with my counterparts continues.

Hola!

Greetings from America de Sud. I ran through two separate airports in less than 12 hours. It was awesome. We made it here safe, as did our luggage. I´m afraid there won´t be photos posted during the trip as my camera adaptor is at home.

I´m driving down here, and it´s a stick. Yes, they drive on the same side we do. But having had Driver´s Ed in Manhattan, Asuncion isn´t all that tough.

I´ll post more as I can. I really love the Boeing 777. The seats are extra wide, which is nice for my fat ass.

Off to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Dream en espanol.

I hate this part

I usually fly in the mornings. That means I avoid this part of the trip the most. The time when you're waiting to go to the airport. I've packed a whole bunch of things. I've probably packed waay too many boxers and not enough shirts. And I'm just going a little stir crazy, but it's okay.

Nervous jitters I suppose.

Catch up...

Alright, I have a bunch of stuff and there's not a lot of time to dilly-dally.


First, Tammy Faye died. I'm sure most of you know this. I can still see her and her husband sobbing "I have sinned" after it was found they were embezelling tons of cash. Her bio is here. I don't really care about this, but it seemed pop culture worthy.

Second, I saw Transformers last night. Oh my God did I love this movie. Some might not remember the older Transformers movie, which my friend Steve showed me. That was good. This is better. The characters were great. John Turturro and Bernie Mac were perfect in parts that didn't eclipse the movie. Also, in a world of CGI and unbelievable action scenes, most people aren't that impressed. I was throughout this entire movie. Very well done melding of CGA and real life action.

I didn't like the fact that this movie, just like the 2nd Matrix was a very long GM commercial, but I guess the sponsors needed to get their bucks worth somehow.

My favorite reason for loving this movie was that sitting in a crowded theater in Burlington, MA surrounded by families and their kids, I felt a kinship with this movie. When Optimus Prime growls "Autobots, roll out," I had this big grin on my face. I watched the cartoon and played with the giant clunky plastic toys, which any normal child will tell you was 10 times cooler than the lame Go-bots. And so there was a great joy in seeing my childhood brought to life, and I secretly loved that I got it and most of these kids just thought this was a cool movie.

Finally today, I am almost all packed for my trip down to Paraguay. I am excited. However, I need to travel through Brazil, which has not been scoring points on aviation safety recently. First there was this. Then there was this last week, which I posted about earlier. And finally this morning, the radar across the country went dead with planes in the air thanks to a short circuit. And the radar snafu happened after Reuters wrote their little summary entitled Brazil's Deepening Aviation Crisis.

Awesome. But the way I look at it, if I can survive Harlem and a few summers of the Rucker, then landing in the Brazilian rainforest is nothing. I hope to post from down there. Don't know about any photos, but I'll at least write a little bit. If I miss you all and need a little America, a place just opened to help with that.

This is no anchorman

While one of my friend's blogs does a better job at movie reviews, I'd like to weigh in on my evening's choice. Netflix brought me Talladega Nights: Ballad of Ricky Bobby. The simple title alone leads me to believe that the studios hoped this would lead to a sequel.

I hated the beginning of this movie, and then it got funny, and then it got crappy again. So all in all, I laughed but not like Anchorman. That is a movie I could see again and still laugh at new things. The jokes were so predictable, and not that funny in this one. The ladies in the movie were hot, so that was a good thing. However, there was no nudity, so again we're back to the middle ground.

I give it a 6/10.

However what I do give a 9 out of 10 is Foodler. This is a site in certain cities that allows you to put in your zip code and it'll find delivery places that will deliver to you according the the time it is. And you can pay by credit card, and keep your usual orders on the site. I recommend it if you're in their catchment area.

Slumber Party for Congress

Remainders

So Happy Hump Day! (That's Wednesday perverts.)

A few things here and there....

Dunno if you saw this, but IHOP bought Applebee's for $1.9 billion. I thought I had more money than IHOP. I guess the geriatric crowd really helps their bottom line. Perhaps now Applebee's will have sticky tables too. (Hat tip to Consumerist for that.) I wonder if Waffle House will buy Chili's now.

I had a work meeting down on the Cape today and showed up early. Like 4 hours early. That sucked. I did suggest a name for a future Coast Guard Exercise though today.

"Vigilant Chowder"

The Coasties weren't too impressed.

And finally, this week marks my third straight week of running more than 2 days. It's kind of strange, but I like it after work. Helps my mind settle a bit. But it can be bruising to the ego to use mapping tools to find you're only running 1.5394 miles.

I need this right now...

So I'm leaving on in a few days for Paraguay. My second trip in a little over 6 months. I'm quite excited. I just hope I survive the flight.

This is a picture of a TAM Airbus 320 that skidded off the runway in Sao Paulo into a gas station and an office building. They're not betting anyone made it out alive. This is the same plane I'll be taking from Sao Paulo to Asuncion, and the same airline.

I particularly enjoyed this passage from the NY Times:
"Civil aviation in Brazil has been in crisis since last September, when the worst airline disaster, a collision over the Amazon between a passenger plane and a business jet, took place. Since that disaster, in which 154 people were killed, Brazil, Latin America’s most populous country, has been racked by waves of canceled flights, air controller strikes and go-slow actions, struggles between military and civilian officials for control of the government’s aviation regulatory agencies and revelations that the national radar system is deficient."

Sweet.

The positives are:
1. This is a different airport than the one I'll be flying into and out of.

2. What are the chances of the same thing happening in less than a week?

Currently Brazilian aviation is ranking near Chinese toothpaste on my list of consumer warm fuzzies. At least they have free booze on the flight.

If you know Boston....

Then this is hysterical.

Thanks to the friend who sent this to me.

God Bless the Internets

Be happy you're not this guy, courtesy of my friends over at HCwDB

She'll need more than PowerSauce Bars

My friend is climbing the 4th tallest peak in these United States this weekend. So we went out to dinner tonight before her husband has to drive her to the airport very early in the morning.

In case you ignoramuses don't know what the 4th highest peak is, it's Mount Rainier in Washington. This is pretty damn cool. I'm sure she'll summit and return with all of her digits. But while most of you are sitting on their ass this weekend, think of some girl 14,000 feet up in the air.

Very cool. Her husband and I will be planning an international trip for the fall. Any ideas. If you want to go to Europe, this deal ends tomorrow, so move your ass.

Beer of the Week 7/10/07

This week I again went for my run to the beer store. This time, the run was almost 2 miles, and I'm not so sure the guy at the counter appreciated me dripping sweat on the merchandise, but whatever. If he knew how much I worked for that sweat.....

Anyway, I chose for this week the Opa-Opa Red Rock Amber Ale. I wish you luck in finding this outside of Massachusetts, as it's brewed at a steakhouse brewpub in Southampton, MA. The reason for the strange name is that oddly it's run by a bunch of greek guys. I'm not sure I believe in Souvlaki prime rib, but they make a great amber ale. It won a Gold Medal at the Great International Beer Festival in 2005. I'd give it the Gold as well.

BA gives it an 83. I'd go higher. I'm thinking an 88. It's smooth, full and tasty. Went great with my Croissant Pocket. I probably should have just had the beer for dinner.

Two things

Okay, so I was perusing Fark and happened across this gem.

A guy robbed a bank disguised as shrubbery. In New Hampshire. He got away with around $1,000 dollars. And was then caught shortly after with the money. Here is the security camera from the bank...


Holy crap. I'm stunned. So you think this is great right? Even right now, you're saying "Thank you Graham for this bounty you have shown me." Well it gets better. The police captain who was interviewed is named Dick Tracy.


Double holy crap. Are you kidding me? I kind of hope he talked into his watch to have the officers surround the house.

July 4th: Barbeques and Birthrights

So this past weekend, headed up to the Adirondacks with my friends Clevon and Darleen* to my Mom's place. The town is really small, but right near it sits the Ausable Club, a bastion of WASP outdoorsman power. You could throw a rock and hit either a blond headed 5-year old named Tyler or about 75 Volvo wagons. It's so elitest, the website doesn't even tell you about the place at all, unless you want to work there. Needless to say, it's not really my scene. But went hiking and got some golf in and I almost finished this great book. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson. I highly recommend it.

I also returned to the most awesome bar on the planet. It's called Old Main 2o, or at least I think it is. And it's located in the hamlet of Ausable Forks, NY. The Coors Light is $1. And they have shuffleboard where you can play USA vs. USSR. This seems appropriate given the location of Lake Placid, so close by. They also have Sopranos: The Pinball Game which throws out the F-bomb randomly as you play, which is pretty cool.

So that was my July 4th. Happy Birthday America. As with all of my birthday wishes, this is belated. My bad. I didn't even send a card.

* I have changed the names of these friends to protect their future political aspirations and private-sector hopes.

Taking some time off....

So I'm leaving around noon today for the Adirondacks in upstate NY. I'll be in Keene, NY which is right near Lake Placid, home to the Miracle on Ice. The weather forecast looks a little crappy, but I've got some books and I'm still going to bring the clubs. So I'll be in radio silence until Sunday, which is kind of freaking me out. I'm not the best when it comes to not being connected, but I think that's why its really good that I won't be.

Oh, and the Beer of The Week will return next week. I was working last night and didn't have time to jog to the liquor store. Hope everyone had a great and dry 4th of July.

Waka's take on Scooter

My friend

I would like to spend a little time tonight talking about my friend Erin. Erin Aljoe Schlather was my first girlfriend in college. Hell, she was really my first girlfriend ever. We dated for about 3 months, and she was more mature than I by leaps and bounds. Even as a freshman, she was a young woman, while I was seemingly an older boy. So that relationship ended rather quickly, as I kept making promises that my young self could in no way keep.

Erin then became my friend. A good friend. She had this incredible ability to listen, and listen like there was no one else in the world but you and her. It was so wonderful to see that level of interest in her eyes when she was talking to you. I think of her every time I think I'm being sneaky and checking my watch or looking at the person behind the one who's speaking.

And her laugh. It was this great high-pitched giggle that seemed to make everything seem silly. It was the same giggle she'd give along with this look that said, "You didn't really do that, did you? Seriously? Dumb boy." She was genuinely happy for you when things went right. There was no trace of jealousy or envy. She was just an incredible person.

She fell asleep while driving her car home three years ago, and her car flipped over the embankment and landed top-down in a stream and she died. I can't seem to believe that she's gone. And much like how I kick myself because it's hard to notice the Towers missing from the downtown NYC skyline, I find myself worrying about being hyper-vigilant about forgetting about her. That was dumb.

Erin has this wonderful way of popping into my head randomly. And I feel that she really is watching over me, and that in some ways I am a direct extension of her memory. I'm not drinking tonight, but when I next open a beer, I will pour a little out for her. I know she'd like that.

Good night Erin, wherever you are.

I owned an elliptical machine

For less than 24 hours.

My brother Ross came over this morning, with two different types of beverages so I knew he was hungover, and I quickly learned that not only would this thing probably not fit up my stairs, but I really don't have room for it. And sadly, I didn't notice that the homeless were much slimmer, so that plan failed as well. Back in the Explorer it went, and out to my friends at the Salvation Army. And by friends, I meant a giant loading dock in Saugus, MA.

I am a huge fan of this organization, and need to say that I've worked with the people on their disaster responder side and they've been nothing short of amazing. I'm also particularly fond of the way they do their job quietly and efficiently without all the fanfare. So I paid $200 and figure I'll get the write-off for the same amount, so we can call it a wash.

Other items of note from the weekend...

- Brad Paisley's new album 5th Gear is out now. I really love the whole thing. If you dabble in country, this is for you. His single "Online" is awesome and the video can be found here, starring Jason Alexander and William Shatner. But check out the album.

- Chuck came over and brought some fresh fruit, handpicked at his parent's farm. I'd give you the weblink, but it's apparently dead.

- Speaking of computer skills, got to see the most expensive powerpoint demonstration yesterday, when I finally watched An Inconvenient Truth. Really stark stuff. At times a little preachy by Gore about his personal life, but the movie was good. I wonder if I could hire him to help me with my powerpoint skills. That guy has some serious web-fu.

I'm an idiot.

I have an elliptical machine in my car right now. And it's heavy. Yesterday I went out for a beer with some colleagues and one of them mentioned that their mother was trying to get rid of her elliptical machine and was anyone interested. So the two other guys already have one which they use to hang clothes, and I had thought of buying one previously, so I said sure. The price was right, I just needed to go pick it up at their place.

I've used these machines at the gym, and I'm not sure what I was thinking, but this thing is big, and heavy. And so we muscled it into my Explorer and then bungieed the gate, as it stuck out. And as we're loading this thing in, I'm thinking, "I have no idea if this will fit in my place, and how the hell am I going to get this out of my car." But that did not stop me from paying for it. (His parents are really nice.) I'm now sitting on my porch, drinking a beer, not really sure where to go from here.

I've considered....

1. Leaving it in the Explorer and waiting until my brother sobers up tomorrow to help me.
   
2. Taking it out and leaving it outside, thus helping the homeless in their concerted efforts to stay fit.
   
3. Leaving it in the car, and driving to the Salvation Army/Goodwill tomorrow and getting the tax write-off, while forgetting this whole incident ever happened.
   

I'm not really sure at this point. Maybe another beer would help.

Update: I had to take it out of the car, or else the battery would have died. So it's leaning up against the side of the house. It's too heavy for someone to steal. So now we'll have to see if the homeless take me up on my offer.

Now's your chance

As a kid, did you ever want to own your own railroad? Well, now thanks to the incompetence of one Amtrak crew, the family of this guy just might be able to.

Thanks to Fark for the find.

Wow it's hot.

So it's not really that hot. After all, I've been outside in Kevlar for hotter days than this, but it was one of the first muggy, hot days up here in Boston. I usually like to drive with the windows down and no a/c, but when it gets to a certain temperature it's just like having hot air blown on you. Reminds me of when I used to be a tour guide for this wretched company and it was like a mobile sauna. Oh and they wouldn't give you the free gallon of water until it was 100 degrees. Not 95, or 98. 100. They had this big friggin thermometer outside the office and would point to it as you asked for water, the 99 degrees mocking me.

But I went for a run today, which was pretty masochistic of me, but was a good thing. It was a run however to the beer store, because it was time for the new.....


Beer Of the Week

This week, I was determined to get a summery beer. Maybe not an an actual summer seasonal, but a light beer. Too hot for a porter or a stout. So I ran to my local spot, and there all sweaty and slightly wheezing stumbled upon Flying Dog's In-Heat Wheat Hefeweizen. I bought two six-packs at the BOtW is expanding in popularity and came home. I had the first one out of the freezer, which might be beer sacrilege, but it was damned tasty. It is a great wheat beer. I even got the nod from the guy who worked at the store. The "While these other popped-collar chumps buy cases of Amstel, I recognize you sir as a ruggedly handsome man who knows what good beer tastes like" look, which made me feel good.

Polished off two of them and then got some wings for dinner. It might undo the run, but the run is really my gift to the ladies of Cambridge and Somerville. Christmas comes around three times a week, in the form of pale ass legs and a t-shirt that undoubtedly has some reference to the NYPD on it.

Remember this is a game you can play at home, so find that great beer store and buy a 6 of this stuff, and lemme know what you think. I liked it.

Happy Sunday

My apologies for being off the grid for the past few days.

I spent a wonderfully random two nights on the front stoop and back stoop of my house with the lovely ladies of Apartment #1. They took part in the Beer of the Week (BOtW) Club on Tuesday and then we had an impromptu grilling evening on Thursday. First grill of the season. And this from a city kid, who never had a grill growing up. I also enjoy medium rare burgers, but somehow have more confidence when they're pink and I'm not cooking them.

This weekend brought great weather, and a trip to the library to pick up my latest book. I finished Brave New World, by Huxley. This seems like a book everyone else has read, but me. So I knocked that one off the list. It was at the library that I realized that they loaned CDs, which is a perfect way to build my collection. (Not that I would ever burn and keep music that wasn't mine, RIAA goons who no doubt troll the web for 13 year olds ripping Hillary Duff tracks)

On tap for this week, a new BOtW, a trip out to Western Mass that includes a hotel stay, and I'm sure some more grilling if the weather is nice.

Oh, and pictures from the Pitt trip should be up on the Flickr bar to the right.

Beer of the Week

I've decided to introduce a feature called Beer of the Week. Basically, each week I'm going to buy a six-pack of a microbrew and try it out. You are free to follow along at home. I'd offer you a beer from my house, but I have two left and I bought the six-pack at 6:30. The store is awesome, and close by. So this week, my beer is:

Clipper City's Heavy Seas Peg Leg Stout

Were this a normal beer review, I probably would have gone with a summer ale variation or a hefeweisen. However, I'm not normal. Just ask my shrink. So I went with a stout. Which for the non-beer fans....is like a Guinness. A little darker and meatier than a porter, which I also like. This beer was good. Smooth, and light. A little chocolaty. But very drinkable. Read the part above where it says we have 4 beers left.

Graham gives it a 87. Beer Advocate isn't entirely as kind.

Steel City, U.S.A.

Good Morning from Pittsburgh, PA. I'm here for the weekend staying with my step-brother, who I really think of as my brother. However I didn't want to confuse people into thinking that Ross had moved. So all of the brothers are out here except for Ross. Some lame excuse.

We've got a Pirates game tonight and plenty of good beer to drink. I'm here to help them plan their wedding. I'm officiating, which is an honor. If any of you out there are looking to answer the higher call, go my brother, go.

More reports from the field later....the photos will have to wait until Monday sadly. Off to breakfast....

Kind of pissed

So does anyone remember Harper's Index? You probably had a teacher in high school cut it out and read it in social studies or history. It was basically a collection of stats that they paired to make a point, like so:

• Percentage of American adults held in either prisons or mental institutions
  in 1953 and today, respectively: 0.67, 0.68
• Percentage ofthese adults in 1953 who were in mental institutions: 75
• Percentage today who are in prisons: 97

Anyway, I used to be able to read these online when I remembered they existed, which was once a year usually. Well, no longer. Now I have to subscribe. Great idea Harpers. You already have an incredibly low subscriber base, I'm sure charging teachers and geeks like me to read the only interesting thing in your worthless magazine seems like a good idea. Well, I'm sad now, and certainly not going to subscribe. And I really don't care that it's the second oldest contiuously published monthly magazine in the U.S.

Guesses on the first?

Holy Faak

Waka is up with another edition of LunchBox. I'd like to boast that this video blog is now one of the "Featured Political Blogs" on Youtube. So proud. My little guy is all grown up. Good shoutout to Massholes in this episode.

The alter-site

So some of you know this site from my other address, dategraham.com, which is the mirror site. You can either put in the odd number followed by blogspot, or dategraham. I own dategraham.com. I do not own grahamcampbell.com. That is owned by some kid who probably doesn't even know what a web page is. It's designed by his parents no doubt thinking about their future child's intellectual property rights, never dreaming of the day when he's in high school and using his namesake site to sell some primo hydroponic shit. No, I'm sure no parents think of the marketing possibilities that way. And that's why the Chinese are taking over the world.

Anyway, I need to dress up dategraham and make it it's own site. I'm thinking some testimonials and perhaps even videos. I am using the below video for my inspiration.



But then I decided that given my recent luck with the ladies, that I should create a site for them and not for me. It was to be called "The Guy Before The Guy." I have realized that many of the women I have dated, some for less than three months, have fallen in love and moved in shortly after we broke up. Now, I'll admit that it's usually me who ends it. But imagine a service where I date you for on average no more than 4 months. We go out, take some trips, have sex, all the things you would want in a relationship. Then it goes sour. But no fear, because at some unknown time following our parting ways (but usually not longer than 6 weeks) you will find your future husband.

And then I found out that two guy already have The Guy Before The Guy. But it's pretty dormant, and it looks like a spoof. I really want to make it live. Help nice women all over the country. I have a gift. An odd and somewhat tormented gift, but a gift nonetheless. Doesn't everyone deserve a shot at happiness?

Weekend Recap

Greetings Sports Fans,

A weekend recap for you. The weekend consisted of two movies and a bonus. I started a good book and attended a baby shower. Let's get to it, shall we?

Movie #1: King Kong

This movie should have been called King Long. Get it? I'll wait..... (Tugs at collar)
It was over three hours, which probably qualifies as a short for Peter Jackson. I wonder if that guy only had access to Gandhi: Uncut and The Ten Commandments: The Directors Cut. Anyway, it starred Jack Black and Naomi Watts, who I currently have a crush on. The movie was fine. Visually stunning, blah blah blah. It was loooong. And I didn't really buy the whole "her loving the gorilla more than Adrien Brody" thing. It was cool with the surround sound, but did I mention it was over three hours? B -

Movie #2: This Film is Not Yet Rated

Now, this was a documentary produced by Red Envelope Entertainment, which is wholly owned by Netflix. This is cool, as I'm not sure the major studios would have paid for this film. The film discussed the MPAA rating system and how there is a panel of parents that select the rating for each film. The biggest issues is usually between NC-17 and R. The film shows that sex scenes involving a guy and a girl generally get an R, while gay scenes depicting the exact same acts get an NC-17 rating.

So the panel is totally kept secret, which many filmmakers think is unfair because they want to know who stands in judgement of their film. But Jack Valenti refused. (On a side note, this guy seemed like a total power-hungry fruitcake. God rest his nutjob soul.) So the director of TFINYR decides to hire a private investigator to "out" the reviewers. Delicious. Go see this movie. It should make you mad. Unless you're this guy, who is also a fruitcake. A-

Bonus Movie: Ice Spiders

If someone asked you what this movie, SS Doomtrooper, Chupacabra: Dark Seas, and Dead and Deader all had in common, what would you say? If you guessed they were all Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies, you would be right and also an insomniac. This movie starred the guy from Stormship Troopers as a washed up skier, and Vanessa Williams as a spider scientist. No, not that Vanessa Williams. This Vanessa Williams, apparently from Soul Food. So, I'd give this movie a C+, but it was indeed awful. But I'm a sucker for these films.

Baby Shower

So my brother and his lovely and pregnant wife flew in from Hong Kong for a baby shower. I drove down to the incredibly wealthy town of Pound Ridge, NY for the afternoon. It was nice. I didn't bring anything, and there was a bunch of kids there perhaps to teach my brother what it's going to be like. I wonder if they rented any of them for extra effect. I met a neat couple who are moving in together. Good luck kids. I pitched my "Guybeforetheguy.com idea." I seriously think is has legs. They promised to check out the page, which should bring my hit count up to 3.

That was the weekend. Anything exciting happen to anybody else?

Debate for '08

If you missed the debates for 2008 held at St. Anselm College this week, here is the recap...

Republican




Democrat

Hey-o

My apologies for being absent for a few days. The Paraguayans are in town and it's been very long days since Monday. So today, I'm sitting on my couch after a nice long day spent across two states and Red Dawn is on.

This is my friend's Chuck's favorite movie. If you know Chuck at all, you can imagine a little boy that really likes meat sitting in his 6th grade classroom looking outside the windows of Greenfield, MA scanning the skies for Soviet paratroopers. Ahh, he must be the only guy sad he missed the Cold War. Though, he did get driven to school in a stretch limo, in some bizarre private school busing agreement.

A Western Mass example of "Separate but Equal."

First time in the paper not for racketeering

Good Morning Boys and Girls,

I hope everyone is having a great Sunday. The editorial came out today, and so I'm copying it here. The few corrections I have are:

1) The Academy is in Manhattan, not Queens

2) My friends from high school came up with "Most likely to be a Civil Servant." Trinity, not Buckley. If Buckley had known my career path, I would have be expelled and then shot, and then asked to cater for my former classmates parties.

Without further ado.....

At your service

Meet Graham Campbell, a top 10 kind of guy

By Sam Allis, Globe Columnist | June 3, 2007

So I'm sitting in Fenway with a friend a few weeks ago watching Wakefield get lit up by Detroit. I overhear the big red-headed guy next to me tell someone he's going to Paraguay.

I can't resist: Wasn't that home to General Stroessner, one of Latin America's hall of fame baddies? The hide-out of Joseph Mengele and all those crazy, zany Nazis after the war? And, help me out here, is Asuncion its capital or Montevideo?

Yes, yes, and Asuncion, the man tells me. His name is Graham Campbell, and it turns out he's traveling there in his capacity as training manager at the Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency.

Paraguay is the sister state of the Massachusetts National Guard. Who knew? The Guard lends it expertise to help train the military and civilians in Paraguay how to handle floods and droughts and things. Part of that expertise includes Campbell. They're coming up here this week; Campbell goes down there next month.

(The plot thickens. Every state National Guard in America has a partner country: Connecticut has Uruguay; New Hampshire, El Salvador; Vermont, Macedonia; and Maine, Montenegro. Rhode Island laughs all the way to the Coppertone with the Bahamas. )

Anyway, by the time Sox reliever Brendan Donnelly gets the ball in relief, Campbell and I are deep into his emergency training work based at the MEMA bunker in Framingham. He also talks about an earlier job helping to run training exercises for the bioterrorism program at the Department of Public Health before coming to MEMA last fall.

He followed a woman here from Manhattan in 2004. (It's always a woman.) He's all of 30 now, and I ask him what in his background qualified him to do any of this stuff. "Some first-responder experience," he says. Where?

Harlem.

Campbell, it turns out, was a cop on the beat there for five years straight out of college. Asked for Harlem while in the police academy out in Queens. It is then that he mentions he grew up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Campbell had buried his lead, as we say in the news biz.

He was, in fact, an uber- preppy who followed the path of Upper East Side cubs beginning with posh private schools (Buckley and Trinity ). He zagged slightly to Vassar and then hard to the NYPD, shocking friends and family. His father was a banker. His brother's in investments. He was the black Merino.

("Banker" was Campbell's nickname up at the 28th Precinct -- "The Two Eight" between 122 d and 123 d streets and Eighth Avenue. When he and his colleagues were filing out their 401(k) forms, he recalls, "There were 19 guys around my desk asking, 'Aggressive growth?' ")

Campbell wanted to be an officer, not a white-shoe lawyer, from the time he was 5. Loved the sirens. At Buckley, voted "Most Likely to be a Civil Servant." Became a volunteer firefighter at Vassar. Took the police test before his senior year and went to the academy after graduation.

Later, a funny thing happened. Kith and kin decided what he had done was very cool. He became a rock star among friends. He met a terrific group of guys on the force. What mattered to him most was that they not dismiss him as a dilettante. "I wanted them to say, 'I'll go through a door for you.' " They did.

He and his partner saw a lot. They answered a call from a woman who screamed that her boyfriend had hit her. They found the guy and he admitted he had. Then Campbell noticed a knife sticking out of his back. He had hit her after she had stabbed him.

Campbell did drone work like prisoner transport. He was shot at. Did duty at protests. "You don't stay a bleeding heart liberal for long in the NYPD," he says.

His first day at police academy, he recalls, an officer told the recruits, "Ten percent of you are born to be cops, 80 percent will do a good job. The other 10 percent should never be cops."

Within a year, Campbell realized he belonged in the 80 percent. "I was good, not great," he says. " I wanted to be in that 10 percent in whatever I do. Here, I feel I do top 10 percent work."

I go see him at the MEMA bunker. I descend a Dead Man Walking concrete ramp with a series of turns. (Radiation apparently can't do corners.) The bunker is a square thing, built in the early 1960s 40 feet below ground, lacking all distinction.

Graham Campbell, I conclude, is more interesting than his job, however important. But those little snots at Buckley were right. The man was meant to be a civil servant. Could be a fine one.

He hasn't caved for law school and big bucks. He's getting a master's in public administration at Suffolk. Could have done it at Harvard but, again, he's a zagger.

He makes me think of Harry Spence, whom Governor Deval Patrick just fired as commissioner of the Department of Social Services. Spence was one of a vanishing breed of public servants who made a career taking on for peanuts one thankless job after another.

I'm a big fan of Harry Spence. I'll be a big fan of Graham Campbell, too, if he stays public.

Sam Allis can be reached at allis@globe.com.

A tale of two movies

Last night, went to see Pirates 3. I have walked out of less than 5 movies in my life, now counting this one. My friend and I just sort of looked at each other about an hour into it and I was like "Wanna go?" She nodded vigorously. I've seen worse movies. But even that one, I hated viscerally. This movie simply bored me. It also tried to combine all these different plot elements that were far too confusing. Add to that the guy next to me who thought that the guy with the fake eyeball was the funniest thing he'd ever seen, and I was done. No thanks. I envision a world in 2076 where we are all forced to watch Bruckheimer movies and fed paste to sustain basic life functions. D

Then I came home and finished Click. This movie is basically a combination of It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Carol, but set in the present not around the holidays. It also continues the average looking guy marries a super hot wife. See to the right for confirmation of said hotness. And Christoper Walken was in it, who I always love. So this movie, which while rehashed and done before, was nice in a happy story kind of way. My grade is a B for content and an A- for Beckinsale's hotness.

So I might be in the paper....

There exists the possibility that if you are reading the Sunday Boston Globe this weekend and happen to turn to page 3, you'll see a column written by Sam Allis called "The Observer." There further exists that this week's column is about me somehow.

I'll rewind to a Red Sox game, where I found myself sitting next to a guy who turned out to be Sam Allis. We talked about where I grew up, and what I did for a living. He got very excited about the whole "cop who went to Vassar" concept. He kept saying what a great column I'd make.

So he talked to me this week for a little over an hour, and now here we are. Not promising that I'm in there or how much of it is about me. I'm just saying to keep an eye out on Sunday.

Stay tuned sports fans.