Why I hate Florida

So Foley's replacement, Joe Negron has conceded to the Democrat Tim Mahoney. But I want to be clear that he/kid-toucher Foley is only behind 95,000 to 93,000.

The guy likes small boys and almost won re-election.

I hope many of those people get run over by some 92 year old in a Cutlass at a farmer's market.

Ugh....I hate CNN

CNN has assembled "the top bloggers in the blogosphere" in their E-lection coverage.

Ugh....what makes a top blogger?

I heard they're running low on Cheetos and this is causing quite the panic. Additionally, the male bloggers are buying kisses from the only other female under 450 pounds.

Can we stop calling states red or blue?

Election Day

I hope y'all voted. Not that I can be smug about it, because I didn't. And yes, I know good men gave up their lives on beaches and sand bogs to give me that precious right. I didn't vote, because I realized I had never changed my voter registration from my old apartment and by the time I did, it was too late for the absentee ballot. Yes, I'll go to hell. But I live in Massachusetts, where we had a decent race for Governor and only one other exciting issue on the ballot. Wine in supermarkets. Us Puritans sure know how to make a fuss.

So I took a midterm for grad school today. Could have failed or could have aced. A lot of questions were worded oddly. It was my first time writing in a blue book in years. I remember why I hated it so much.

Came back home and there was election mania on TV. So I turned it off. Don't get me wrong, but seeing Wolf Blitzer calling races that have 1% of the precincts, is not my idea of the electoral process. So I'm looking on the Web, which is calmer. And they're not as quick to call at NYT.com.

I see that Lieberman is the projected winner, which makes me happy in some ways. Lamont was a one hit WASP wonder, with his stance on anti-war. And this whole thing was fueled by the bloggers hatred of Lieberman, which I think teaches a lesson. It's up to CT. He's their senator, sorry if you had national ideals. I'm sure this won't make Steve very happy.

Guh....

So my day is busy....and I'm getting hungry. I brought in pizza from home that the roommate and I ordered. 2 slices. Put them in the fridge at around 7:15 AM, when I got in.

They're gone.

I consider pilfering from the work refrigerator to be among the worst crimes. Waay worse than stealing from anywhere else. This is my first time as a victim at this office. What kind of sick, twisted, fat slob do you have to be to steal my pizza. I will not rest until vengance is mine. If you could see my face right now, as I eat my Zone Mint Chocolate Chip energy bar. It's disgusting. I don't want this. I wanted a greasy slice of pizza.

I hope the person who stole my pizza catches herpes.

I know I know...

I'm probably the last person to have seen this ad from Dove, but I like it a lot. It's been watched on YouTube over 3.5 million times. I must have been in a cave.

Let's do some aerobics!

So I found out last week that I might be going to Paraguay for two weeks in late November. That place is not to be confused with this movie, which I first thought about.

But lemme start from the beginning as this is kind of cool. So the National Guard has a sister country program in each state. Our sister country for Massachusetts is Paraguay. I only vaguely knew this as there were officials from that country visiting my agency in June. They met with the Director and a few other senior people. Anyway, so I guess they called up the Mass National Guard and asked for technical assistance with putting together an emergency management program for their nation. They liked what they saw/heard in June I guess.

The agency decided to send two people.

They asked me to be one of them.

I'm still not sure if there is a much more qualified Graham Crampbell in my agency who I just haven't met. So it would be for about 10 days - 2 weeks. Late November to early December. If you don't know anything about the nation of Paraguay, here is some info. The CIA version is here. A little trivia.... They apparently have the largest navy of any landlocked country. And kidnapping of foreign nationals is a lucrative business.

As to that last point, I'm hoping that the Massachusetts procurement/purchasing process is so convoluted and complicated as to dissuade would be banditos. I do have to fill out a form called the ISO PREP form, which is an army form. It asks you things like boot size, blood type. My favorite is the personal statements, of which there are 4. You need to put things in there, so that if you get captured, they can verify your identity. I kind of like the idea of Navy Seals busting into the hut I'm being held in and looking me point blank in the face and yelling "Over what summer were you a tour guide on a double decker bus?"

I'll write more....thirsty bloodsuckers.

Reason# 361 why I love America

AMC's Monsterfest

So AMC has Monsterfest. This is the 10th year they've done this. Basically, it's horror movies all day and night long. I'm currently watching Wolfen. It's decent and stars Albert Finney which is pretty cool. But I love this series of movies. Tomorrow it's supposed to rain and I have a date with this TV and some great classics, like Children of the Corn and the Exorcist.

I have returned...

I was gone this past week to our the mecca of Emergency Management training sites, EMI. The class I took was so-so, but the people I met were top notch. I made some friends from California and Minnesota and we laughed so hard we cried. It was good times.

I got back, before this nasty storm hits tomorrow. My good friend from high school, Chris and his lovely girlfriend Lilly were in town for a wedding. So I went out to see them tonight. It's odd. I find myself to sometimes be a hermit with my friends. I love my friends and treasure their friendship above all else. But I'll find myself ducking calls or hoping rings go into voicemail. Maybe some sort of social anxiety thing? I'm not sure. Perhaps that can be added to the list of things to discuss with the shrink.

But it was great to see them, but it's really good to be home. Something about sitting on your own couch and watching your TV that's comforting. So thanks for being patient this past week.

Flava Flav!!!

My week has been kind of crazy what with papers due and me still getting the hang of the new job. I'm leaving today for about a week. I'm going to be down at the Emergency Management Institute, run by FEMA. At least I'm going with a friend from work, so that should be good. I'm not sure if I can update this thing from down there, but I should be able to.

I also wanted to say that I saw the season finale of Flavor of Love 2, which might be the best television show in the world. Flava Flav has this awesome viking helmet with horns that we wears during his "confessionals." This is where TV needs to be going. Screw Lost.

I have put the exciting ending to the finale below. Flav has to choose between Deelishis and New York. These women have class. New York represents and doesn't dissapoint. God I love America.

Jericho Verdict

So I just saw the Pilot about 3 weeks after everyone else....

It's like they put "Lost" in Kansas. A small town in Kansas with all different types of people, with far more diversity than I think might actually exist. Skeet Ulrich is his most promising role since that epic drama, Chill Factor.

I think I'll skip it for now. It has all the built in plot lines....loner returns. Finds ridiculously hot ex is engaged to a banker. (Don't know many bankers out in farm country.) Power struggle between Mayor and rival candidate. Loose prisoners... My head hurts.

Greeting adoring fans...

Hey. I know you've all been dying to read more of my crap. Some general notes and thoughts:

• I went down to NYC this past weekend for a benefit. A cop I used to work with has an inoperable brain tumor and is undergoing chemo. He came to the racket, and it was tough to see him as he was really bloated and had trouble walking. But he seemed genuinely touched by all the people that showed up. And after he left, we drank and laughed. Laughed so hard I hurt the next day. Note: That link above goes to the NYPD Rant, the unofficial discussion board of the NYPD. Some funny crap on there.
• Amtrak is expensive. And apparently taken by very old people. I knew this of course, but was reminded again by the people sitting next to me. There was a cute girl across the row, but I've realized that Ipods have effectively ended that chance meeting on a bus/plane. Idle chit chat is gone, so I can listen to Beck and not be bothered. Sad, really.
• My very expensive Bose home theater system is having problems. This is making me very sad. I am downloading the Pilot episode of Jericho currently.
• I seem to be going to bed earlier and earlier. Maybe it's because I'm not doing much. Or I'm tired from work. Still, it's sad when a single guy is in bed at 9PM.

That's pretty much it. Stay tuned. I'll let you all know what I think of Jericho. Anyone else have a good weekend?

So I was talking to my best friend Emily Eagan, who is down in New Orleans. She e-mailed me, which got on my Blackberry. I'm sorry. They call it a "Crackberry." I've found out how addictive it is and I think it's the future. Imagine if all of your e-mail arrived to you, no matter where you are.

So she mentioned Taco Bell, and so on the way home I got Taco Bell. I brought it home and watched Law and Order: SVU. Verdict?

Taco Bell: KFC Cheesy Snacker: C-
Crunchwrap Supreme: Most surely not good to go
Double Decker Supreme: The trusty standard B+ Update: I'm lowering this grade to a C+. No sour cream. Where has the attention to detail gone?
Mostly dissapointing...always sound better than it turns out to be

L&O: It never gets better.

Breathe...breathe

I'm sitting in my office right now. My new office. Listening to music. Allowing myself 15 minutes to recenter, because there is a decent chance I could either:

• Burst into tears
• Order an assault rifle over the internet and reap terror
• Hide under my desk, and refuse to come out until my Mommy comes to get me.

I'm finding this to be very useful to keeping my fragile psyche intact.

Broadway, me likey

So apparently, there is a musical version of Evil Dead coming to Broadway this month in New York. The website is here. I think we should get a field trip together. No seriously.

Sorry for the non-posting

Between the long weekend and the new job, I've been wicked busy. (Hope all of you non-Bostonians enjoyed that reference.)

I took Chuck and Sara down to see Nueva York this weekend. Of course, I saw some folks and missed a lot more. That always happens. You can check out their blog for some decent photos. I didn't bring the camera, so I depend on them. It was good, and we got to see some real New York places. Like:

• McSorley's Ale House: Oldest bar in the city. They only serve two types of beer, light and dark. One beer comes in two half-pint mugs. Sawdust on the floors goodness
• H&H Bagels: This and Ess-a-Bagel tie for best in NYC, but were weren't near EAB. Good, warm bagels. Crunchy on the outside and warm and chewy on the inside. Makes me think twice about wearing sweatpants
• Forbidden Planet: Where geeks go to heaven when they get killed by a mage with a +12 Attack bonus. A comic book store beyond compare, shames Newbury Comics which is really more of a music store.
• Eisenberg's Sandwich Shop: Thanks to my Mom, I know where to go for a lime rickey and the best tuna melt in the city. God bless that place.
  

We didn't hit some of my other favorites, which we can get into another time. It was a good trip. It's always tough to come back on a Tuesday. I felt like I was starting at a sprint, which was true considering my workplace situation anyway.

Wow...

Greetings friends,

First, speedy recovery wishes to Mikie after her surgery today. I'm sure she will be up on her feet in no time. May the drugs they give you be really, really good ones.

Sorry for the lack of posting, but this week has been nuts. So to summarize:

1. Graham has to teach a class Tues, Weds, and Thursday that he just learned the material on last week. Graham did not know about this class until 5 minutes before class started, which was an hour from Graham.
2. Graham's boss resigns on Tuesday morning, sending things into even greater chaos than they were when he was there.
   
3. Graham gets acting manager job this morning...and is a little scared

So that's what's going on...in addition to the other nuts stuff like grad school and exisiting crap. Oh, and my good friends Sam and Lizzie sent me photos from their wedding, which was this spring. The photos are of me. Which makes you wonder, "Why the hell do I want drunken photos of myself?" I'd rather have drunken photos of other friends. My roommate thinks I should put them up in my new office, like people do with their kids photos. I just may do that.

Hope everyone is having a great week.

I survived

So I ran about 3/4 of it, maybe a little less. Chuck and Sara ran the whole thing and thus beat me. All in all, it was a good run for a great cause. I didn't need the paramedics, which is good. I was lucky the event was sponsored by Boston EMS. I'm already in training for next year.

Here is my first bib ever.

Chariots of Fire

So remember I was talking about signing up for a 5K in memory of a guy I knew who died of cancer?

It starts in an hour.

So I'm up super early on Sunday. I haven't really been training, and I'm quite nervous. I'll let you all know how it went once the dry heaves stop.

Brown sucks

So I have a question for the CEO of UPS.

"Sir, when do you work?"

If the answer is from 9-5 or 8-6 like many of us slobs, then how the hell does anything get delivered to you. Everytime I order something and it ships UPS. I get one of these.


I hate these things. They taunt me and say, "Where the hell were you? You could have your video game/expensive consumer electronics product/birthday gift/life-saving medication if you were simply home at 1:15 PM like a normal American."

Now I have to go pick it up. And I don't care where you live...the UPS distribution center in your area is never convenient to get to. Usually in a heavily industrial area, close to nothing. So unless I want hookers with my package, it looks like I'm being sent far out of my way.

The Swedes know funny.

A friend from the NYPD sent this to me. Enjoy.....

Looking for a new job?

The nice folks over at the Bureau of Labor Statistics came out with the figures of the top ten highest projected job growth rates in the next ten years. Any guesses? And no, neither government or porn fluffer ( This is why I love Wikipedia) made the cut.

The top 3 are:

1. Home health aide: Sorry Mom, I'm not changing your bedpan. Thanks for looking out for me for 29 years though.
2. Post-secondary teacher: Good news to my friends who believe in being career students. You might actually pay off those loans before your estate inherits them
3. Registered Nurses: Nothing much to say here, except nurses can be hot and we hope they hire more hot ones.

That is all. Sleep well America.

A little trivia

During the Big Dig, two tunnel boring machines (TBM) helped to dig out the tunnel that would eventually become I-93. They started on each end with the goal to meet in the middle, much like this fine event. I learned tonight from a well-placed source that the machines dug to within 100 feet of each other. Hand tools were then used to finish the tunnel. But the machines then both made right turns into the sides of the tunnel and were buried there.

So I'm not sure what the cost of one of those machines is, but I'm guessing $20 million maybe? And all because they didn't have a reverse gear. Much like this expensive toy currently.

This apparently is a global problem

I'm glad to see that this happens to all men.

Anyone heard of this place?

So there's this store called Trader Joe's and I went there today after work. I'vd been before, but only once a looong time ago in California with Mikie. So I went there to stock the old pantry and they had some great stuff. I bought some salad, and some cool frozen entrees, like Chicken Satay and Mandarin Chicken and some Pad Thai...with Chicken.

Geez, that's a lot of chicken. They didn't take American Express however, which I have to get someone on. Perhaps Montu can speak to them for me.

Oh, and if you're interested in an update on the cell phone story, American Airlines called my boss's boss today and told her they had it in Newark. Someone turned it in. Thank God I reported it missing, otherwise that could have been awkward...

Boss lady: Graham, are you missing something?
Graham: Uh...no?
BL: Are you sure?
G: Uhhh, yeah?
BL: How about a phone?
G: Oh, that! Riiight...I was going to tell you about that.

I'm fried

So I just got back from the armpit of America. That's right, New Jersey. I was attending my friend Montu's sister's wedding. 600 indians and like 30 whiteys. The place was nice. But I had been on the road for three days before that also, so I'm fried. I lost a cell phone, left a tie at the hotel, and I'm exhausted. This was one of those weekends that needs a weekend right after it to recuperate.

I'm not sure if the idea of 600 indians dancing or fighting at the buffet line sounds relaxing, but it's not. I love Indians, however they have no concept of personal space. I'm not talking about your friend from Brown whose parents lived in Bombay. I'm talking about the FOBs (Fresh off the boat.) I had to box out at the buffet line. It was quite something.

I'm ready for a vacation. Is it really sad that I might go to sleep before 9?

This day is rated Yarrrr!

Guess what today is????

I've got class tonight

I've got class tonight, so this will be brief. It's my brother Ross's birthday today. He's 26, which means that I'm next in December with the big 3-0. Sweet. That's when I start my campaign of world domination.

I am going to put this up here, because I found it on the net and it makes me happy. My favorite parts are the eater profiles and the safety standards. Enjoy. Only in America could this be a sport.

Surprise!

So do you know what this week is?

If you guessed National USA Week, then you're right.

If now you're asking, "What the hell is that?" then you're in for a treat. It's National Unmarried and Single Americans week. They have a website, so it has to be legit.

And if you still doubt it, then feast your eyes on these luminaries who recognize it. Big ups to Haverhill, MA.

So congrats fellow singles. Now we have a whole 7 days to think about how alone we are. So alone.

Long weekend

This morning at 4AM, I was in hotel conference room working on a large terrorism exercise. This was a long day. Rest assured, the terrorists didn't win. Because this is America, and I'm on the front lines. And by front lines, I mean eating melon and drinking coffee while real men are carrying victims to ambulances. But I'm drinking that coffee like an American.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Today pretty much sucked.

So Today blew....donkey balls. Well really, only the part of my day between 8:00AM and 8:00:05AM. That would be the time when I rear ended a car driving to a meeting. There was a cop at the intersection who waved me through, so a truck could cross, and he waved me into the trunk of this Hyundai in front of me.

I'm fine. My car is okay, except the bumper is a little bent and the plastic is catching the right tire when I turn a certain way making an ungodly noise. His car, not so good. His trunk needs some work and his tail light. But he seemed okay. Getting into accidents suck. I know this is obvious, but it needs to be said just how miserable it is. That second before impact when you know you're going to hit no matter what you do. Blech.

One of the only funny parts of my day came at this meeting that I was consequently late for thanks to the accident. The guy was talking about the Trunk Monkey ads, which are very funny, as shown here.




However he kept saying, "Man, nothing is as funny as that porch monkey. I love that porch monkey." My ears perked up at that and I said, "John, I think you mean Trunk Monkey. Porch Monkey is something else." If you don't know what this is....ask around. But wear a helmet when you ask.

Gotta love Boston.

So I bought some shoes today...

Do we like them? They're from Target. So this is the first time I've bought shoes from Tar-jay. They look much like the photo. They're slightly hipster, so I guess I can wear them with jeans and the what not. That's about all that's happening really right now. Kinda boring. Anyone else have a cooler day?

A little scattered today

So work was fine. Did the moment of silence at 8:46AM, or tried to as my co-worker wanted to ask me something. All today I guess I felt scattered. It was like I had ADHD and I was 3. So I left a little early, as I saved most of the heavy lifting for tomorrow.

So now I'm home and I have to finish my first paper, and I feel alone. Let me preface this by saying that I know I'm not alone and I'm not looking for a million phone calls. I have the world's best friends and I know this. I sort of wish that I had someone here, right now, who I could see and talk to. Perhaps this is one of the negatives of being single. Apparently DateGraham.com isn't pulling in the hits. Sometimes you feel alone even though you're surrounded by wonderful people.

Does this make sense? I have no idea. I'm off to write about these 111 poor bastards who died in a coal mine explosion in Centralia, IL. Thanks for stopping by today.

Fidelis Ad Mortem

So, this is the 5th anniversary of 9/11/01. An event that has a lot of emotion for many people, of which I am one. My old employer has a nice tribute page up for these 23 brave men and women shown here.

I also have the e-mail that I wrote on the morning on 9/12 when I finally got home. Some of you have seen it, some probably haven't. It was important for me to get it off my chest.

It's not that I don't want people to forget. I want people to remember. I can't forget. It's locked inside my head and I can't get some of those images out if I tried. Especially Moira Smith on the radio that morning. I pray to God that I could get rid of that memory, but I can't. I also remember her beautiful daughter running up and down the aisle of the poshumous medal ceremony in the prettiest red dress.

God bless them.

I have a paper to write

But I'm not really doing that. It's due by Tuesday evening, but I'm going to try and knock it out tonight. However, I was surfing around and I found this. If you're old enough to remember this, I hope you enjoy.

Bort Bort Bort Bort

Movie Night

Just finished watching Blow. Meh... I liked Traffic better. It was a neat movie. The guy who directed apparently died about a year after the film of a heart attack during a basketball game. There was cocaine in his system, so he really saw the project through. The pace somewhat reminded me of Goodfellas, or maybe that was because Ray Liotta was in it also.

Oh, and even though my blog readership is flung far and wide, I wanted to point you all to this site. Room 8, is a New York City political blog started by my high school friend Ben and another guy. Ben's legit, being that his day job is blogging for the Daily News. But, my other high school friend, Adam "Waka" Green has a daily video on this site spoofing the current themes in politics. While most of it is New York based, Waks is really funny. So I command my 10s of readers to go check it out. See one of them below....

Some thoughts as a grad student

So I just got back from my first night of grad school, and asides from my pen running out of ink it went pretty well. As far as Pedro's suggestions, I have made the following decisions...

• I'm not going to take notes on my Mac, for a few reasons. I would be one of like 2 people in the classes of 25-30 doing it, so I don't want to stick out. Also, when writing papers off the notes in class, I'd rather type while looking at a notebook, than shifting back and forth between word documents. Also, that typing noise is kind of annoying.
• As far as the ladies go, they are present. However they are either much younger, or much older. So no worries there.
  
• I've already started some of the readings. I'm a geek, but I find this stuff interesting. There's a Boston City Councilor and the Boston Transportation Commissioner in one of my classes, which is pretty cool.
  

That's about it. It's gone well so far. I've got mandatory orientation this Sunday from 9AM - 3PM, which I will guaranteed be hung over for. Yee ha!

I'm a little nervous

So tomorrow, I begin my pursuit of my Masters in Public Administration at Suffolk University. And yes, you jokers, I have my new backpack and my pencil case and my name is written into the back of all my gym shorts.

So I'm returning to school after a 7 year hiatus and I'm a little scared. But hopefully we start slow. I'm also entering the 21st Century by deciding to take notes on my laptop. We'll see how that works out as well.

I'll keep you all posted.

1 pound of meat....no worries

So apologies for the rapid-fire blogging but last week was really busy and I was away this weekend. However on Wednesday evening last week, my brother Ross and I took on the Godzilla burger at Eagle's Deli. The Godzilla is 2 half-pound patties and a pound of fries. You need to finish the whole thing in order to get your picture on the wall.

We came, we saw, we got very full. It was actually the fries that were the hardest, but we adopted the strategy of eating them at the same time as the burger, and not saving them for the end. Now, once they take the polaroid of this major life event, you get to make your own caption. This is a lot of pressure as there are hundreds of other photos with clever captions, and you want to be original. So I settled on this:
And let me tell you.....truer words never written. Sorry for the crappy photo. My brother's phone is not going to be used by the AP anytime soon I'm afraid.

Crikey

RIP Steve Irwin, you mad crazy bastard.

Ernesto is a dud

Listed below are the current preparations for Ernesto undertaken by FEMA and the federal government. I want to point out that Ernesto is now a Tropical Depression, not even a Tropical Storm. Let's not even discuss that this thing never was a hurricane.

A tropical storm is fart on the radar, or at least it was pre-Katrina. Now everyone is so terrified that they've pushed all these assets out there. In other news, this rain event is going to dump lots of moisture on my labor day weekend.

By the way, you can see the current FEMA picture right here. It's actually kind of cool. Okay, I'm a geek.

DHS/FEMA Actions
NOC/NRCC and Region IV RRCC at Level 1 - Full Activation Status, with all ESFs Present

Updated Operations Orders being drafted for Regions IV and III based on changes in Storm Path

Region III RRCC to operate at Level II with ESFs 1, 3 and 10 (from 7:30 am -7:30 pm EDT).

Engaging with governors and state emergency managers in the anticipated impact states to begin federal and state coordination.

Working with partners at the National Hurricane Center to anticipate the storm's landfall.

Forward Deployed Response Teams including Federal Incident Response Support Teams (FIRST), Disaster Medical Assistance Teams (DMATs)and Urban Search and Rescue US&R Teams.

Forward Deployed Logistics Push Packets

Issued 50 Mission Assignments for a total of $17,867,583 including mission assignments to:

Cabinet Level Departments of: Defense, Energy, Interior, Justice, Transportation, Health & Human Services, Agriculture
APHIS, CBP, EPA, FPS, GSA, NCS, NOAA, NGA, USACE, USCG, USFS

Recovery

Four new Mobile Registration Intake Centers deploying to and pre-positioning at Atlanta.
All FEMA Call Centers prepared to transition to 24/7 operations at full staffing.
USACE directed to deploy Housing Planning Team to begin scoping a potential temporary housing mission.
600 staff pre-positioned in Florida to conduct in-shelter registrations, if required.

DoD Actions
Conducted NORTHCOM Severe Weather Teleconference 3:30 pm EDT August 28, 2006.

Providing support to Defense Coordinating Officers/Defense Coordination Elements

Coordinating FEMA ESF1 (Transportation) request for US Transportation Command liaison officer support to NRCC.

Coordinating support to FEMA Federal Operational Staging Areas (FOSAs).

Joint National Guard Bureau, Georgia National Guard, South Carolina National Guard, and North Carolina National Guard are monitoring TS Ernesto, coordinating operational decisions, and executing storm warning preparations per state Standard Operating Procedures (SOPs).

Department of Defense Joint Staff sourcing FEMA request for six officers to support Joint Operations Center (JOC) and NRCC synchronization between NRCC, US Northern Command, US Pacific

Command, US Southern Command, US Transportation Command, Defense Logistics Agency and Joint National Guard Bureau.

The opposite of Katrina

So I'm watching the media freak out as they have to decide between their specials on the year anniversary of Katrina, or the 5-year anniversary of 9/11. Only so many hour long specials to film. Tough choices. There was one on the Discovery Channel tonight about Katrina. They had too much water down there. I face the opposite problem.


So this is my bathroom. And no, I'm not a slob. The water shut off around 2PM today. My landlord told me it must be the city's fault. So the City of Somerville sent a nice guy over from the Water Department over at triple time on Sunday. He told me it was the building's issue and they needed to call a plumber. He was right. However, the shady landlord isn't really returning our calls.

So I'm doing all the cool stuff, like gravity flushing my toilet with the one source of water I do have, my kitchen sink. I shaved at that sink about 10 minutes ago, using the side of a pot as a mirror. I feel like a pioneer. Except I have the internet and a bed. It's just the water thing. Oh, the Subway near Porter Square has a lovely bathroom. (I mean the sandwich place, and not the T.)

I'll keep you updated as I'm sure you're all curious. Thank God that work has showers.


Update: I have clean water and all the fixin's. Thank you lazy landlord. Oh, and my roommate found the plumber playing darts on our board in the apartment.

Elusive Lyrics

I can't hear lyrics in songs. It's not that I'm a melody guy either. A friend pointed out that the song I wrote about below was "sad." I had no idea. I can hear words, and generally repeat them in tune. This leads people to incorrectly think that I know the lyrics and I get them. Not true.

This leads to problems when I tell people, usually girls , how much I like a certain song. Then they listen and start weeping when the song's lyrics have to do with a guy who's not really in love, but faking it. Or a girl who's boyfriend cheats on her and leaves her.

It might come from singing a cappella and therefore just singing "doom doom ba da doom" in most songs. I can pick out the percussion part, and the bass line. But those mournful lyrics pouring out of the singer's mouth? Natch. Like the teacher in Charlie Brown.

Good Morning

Sitting here on my porch, with the sun beating down, a nice breeze and a cup of coffee, life is pretty good. I was listening to the Sinead O'Connor song, "In this Heart" and it's a really pretty song. It reminds me of my friend Erin, and it's a wonderful song. I encourage all of you to go onto ITunes or Limewire/BitTorrent or whatever you kids do and download it.

Hope everyone is having a nice Saturday.

R.I.P Deadwood

HBO has confirmed that it has not picked up the contracts for their hit show "Deadwood." If you haven't seen this show, Netflix it.

This is a sad day. The third and final season has already begun.

This is going to be really funny.

YouTube is down for maintenance. Apparently their servers rebelled when too many people tried to watch the horrible K-Fed clip. So you're going to have to click through this link to get to the next bit of movie goodness. My apologies.

To those of you who don't know who Borat is, click this. Same goes to you fine people who already do. Enjoy. Who wants to see this with me?

My life has been changed

So tonight I went to a place called Chez Henri which is in Cambridge, off Mass Ave. It's best known for it's steak frites, mojitos and the very famous cuban sandwich. Tonight I had a mojito and a daiquiri and the cubano sandwich.

This sandwich changed my life. I even wrote it on the credit card receipt I signed. This sandwich could make me attend church. The ends of the sandwich has these pieces of crispy goodness, cheese and ham. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this.

I contemplated going straight to bed so as not to sully this evening.

This is heaven.

Guh

Just saw K-Fed at the end of the Teen Choice awards. It was his first live appearance. It was so bad it made the baby jesus cry.


**********Update**********************

Here is the video of it, with horrific intro by trailer trash wife. This is for those of you who won't admit to watching the Teen Choice Awards.

Word to your mother.

More Snakes

I found this on YouTube, where else? The DeNiro is my favorite, though the guy is really good at Walken.

Greetings on a Sunday

So, after drinking a little too much last night, I took a nice hot shower and had a big glass of milk and decided to make today productive. I've made a to do list and I'm gotten almost all of the things on it done. Today is the day to call all the people that I'm supposed to call, but rarely do.

Oh, and my old roommate Jennie is the best. Apparently if you go to the official site for Snakes on a Plane, you can have Samuel L. Jackson call your friend and tell him/her to go see Snakes on a Plane. I have to see that movie, and I must see it with Jennie.

Yesterday evening was my first experience with an ice luge. Good stuff.

Dinner on the road

So I had a late lunch, and then I went to Borders, where they screw you. I bought a drink and I got a "$5 off any purchase over $30" coupon. So I found some books and went up to the register and the exhange went something like this

Me: Hey, I'd like to use this coupon.
Trainee Guy: Uhh...this coupon isn't valid yet.
Me: Huh? I just got it from the Cafe.
TG: I know. See, look at it. It's valid from 8/17 to 8/20.
Me: What the hell kind of sense does that make? Ooooh...you know I'm going to lose this or throw it away before then
TG: Yeah, that's what they're banking on.

Damn you Borders, for knowing the slothfulness of the American consumer. I did buy the 9/11 Commission Report. I think this book probably should have been mailed to every home in the country, or put on sale for a dollar. So far it's an incredible read. Which, is saying volumes considering it's a federal document. I'm trying to get through it before the 11th.

So I went to dinner, and wanted to try this place called 5 guys. Supposedly the "In 'N Out of the East Coast". I thought I had the address right. I didn't bring the GPS unit with me, because I'm an idiot. I went in search of this:



And I came away with this....


Served to me by a 12-year old. Now, I do love me a Blizzard. I had the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. This however is not the burger pictured above. I rationalized it in my head by thinking that the Blizzard probably had less calories than a burger, soda and fries, but this is a horrible argument. I was defeated tonight, but I have not lost the war. Before I leave this hell-hole of office parks and gated communities named after the things that were leveled to make room for them (Running Brook, Evergreen Run, Quarry Ridge), I will have one of those burgers. I will Goddamnit.

Testify.

This really isn't Washington

So my flight landed safely in Dulles. Thanks United. They are the only airline that lets you listen to air traffic control, which I always find interesting. (I know. I'm a dork.) But that channel was silent, I'm thinking due to the latest terror threat. Ah well, I didn't think that perk would last long.

Dulles should not be allowed to have Washington D.C. in the title. It's like 30 miles away. And they use these crazy buses to get you from one terminal to another.


Apparently they are coming into the 1970's and building a train system between terminals. Good. Because as much as the Jetsons thing is cool, it's not when you're running late to a flight.

So I landed and decided to get a rental car. Mostly because I'm hoping to see friends and when I asked the hotel how to get to D.C. from there, they gave two options.

1. Take a cab @ $60 each way.
2. Take the hotel shuttle bus back to Dulles, and then transfer to the Washington Flyer, and then get on the Green Line of the Metro at Greenbush.

So basically, there's no way in hell I'd do either of these. So I found a decent rate on Avis and booked an intermediate. And this is the chariot that awaited me in spot D13.


This is the Saturn Ion. It is no Lincoln Towncar I tell you. It's not even fun. And it feels cheap, apparently plastic was the premium interior option. Unless you're 17, don't buy this car. If I wasn't paying for the rental, I wouldn't have this car.

So here I am at the Holiday Inn - Dulles Airport. They bill themselves as one of the finest hotels in Washington. I wonder if they could be sued for libel. If anyone is around and wants to hang out, call me. Oh and this place wasn't bad for lunch. Good turkey club.

Sitting at the airport

So this morning, I woke up and steeled myself for the horrors of the increased security lines and haggard travelers. So after parking at Central Parking at Logan Airport, and walking 19 football fields, arrived at the terminal. I finished my coffee and stowed all my loose items into my carry-on.

And then I got stuck behind these people.

Note: Not these actual people. These geezers came up when I did a Google Image Search for "old people." But the folks who looked a lot like this apparently last flew on the Spruce Goose. The guy thought he could keep his cell phone. The wife wanted to know if they had lysol wipes for her bare feet. I got some sympathetic glances from the TSA guy. I do think however that these people need to have their own security line, staffed only by TSA members over 65. That way they can yell at each other and talk about their grandchildren, while other people who want to make their flights are allowed to do so.

Rant over. Talk to you when I get to D.C.

Technical Difficulties

So my office phone went on the fritz in the middle of last week. I was hoping it would be fixed by today, but no such luck. This morning, Outook crapped the bed. It could be just my agency or state-wide. But I have no phone or e-mail. I sit here wondering what to do. I love technology, but man are we dependent on it.

Maybe I should send actual letters to people I'm meaning to e-mail. A throw back to ye olden days.

Sigh....if I were in some places I'd be sent home.

Sweet Internet Connectivity

So I'm home now. It was a great weekend and it went really fast. I am a little excited about sitting on my bed and using the internet, but it was so beautiful up there. Here are some photos.

This is the 2006 Lincoln Towncar I rented from Hertz. Granted its a car that is mostly driven by men in Florida over 65. However it's super quiet and it drives like you're floating on air. I would never buy this car, but renting it for a long drive was fine. I wanted the Caddy, but they were out. Oh, and many thanks to Chuck and Sara for picking me up from Hertz at Logan today. Good people.




This is the perfect view. Granted, you can't see much except for my shoes. Note that my feet are covered at all times. This was so comfortable though. The rest of the photos are available on Flickr, which should be accessible through a sidebar down a little ways on the right side of the screen.

Hope everyone had a nice weekend.

Heaven is

Greetings from the Keene Valley, NY public library! I can't write long, and I don't much to report. I did however take a nap for about an hour today in a hammock strung up from columns on a porch. I defy anyone to tell me that they did something better this Friday.

Pictures, stories and mug shots available on Sunday when I return to civilization.

I love this....

Thursday thoughts

So I finished The Kite Runner last night. I loved it. Many books make me chuckle, some make me laugh, but very few can make me shed a tear. This was one of them. I think that books that touch you like that are far more powerful than movies, because they have to work so much harder at it. So please read this book....it's very good.

I'm leaving tonight for a trip to Keene, NY. A small town about 30 minutes from Lake Placid, home to the 1980 Winter Games and the Miracle on Ice. And for those of you who think that last thing is like the Ice Capades, I instruct you to go outside and wait for a bus and then walk right in front of it. Needless to say, I will probably be out of internet contact for the weekend. This is giving me some heebie jeebies, but the country usually does this to a city kid.

And yes I know about this terror plot, and no I'm not in high level discussion with senior government officials. But I was at a hospital drill this morning in Worcester, MA. I was thinking that while I'm not really in the front seat on some of this stuff, I do play a role. If a plane did crash, and patients were taken to that hospital, then maybe some of the suggestions I had at the drill will save some lives. So that is what I think about when I sometimes think my job doesn't matter all that much.

Talk to you soon. I'm afraid my lungs will choke on the fresh air.

Therapy...

I'd just like to put in my vote for therapy. I go every week. Hell, it seems like after my parents got divorced many moons ago, that therapy would help. It didn't. Not then. I think therapy is a great experience, but only if you're ready for it. I often joke that I should set up a side business for post-therapy counseling. So when you walk out of the shrink's office after those 50 minutes going, "Holy Shit! What the hell does all this mean now??!" You can then come into my office to vent about what you just discovered.

But seriously, if you 're thinking of seeing someone, do it. And if you don't like the person, find someone else. It's a nice thing to have for 50 minutes every week. Sort of like a mental massage.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

So I think I might make this a weekly post. I think the title is catchy too.

The Good

I'm currently reading a book called The Kite Runner. It's very good, as most people already know. It came out two years ago. So that's is a plus. I'm not even halfway through, and seeing as how it's a library book, I should probably get a move on and finish it. So go read this, if you haven't already.

The Bad

I Netflixed Bubble a little while ago, and I finally watched it. It shouldn't have taken so much prodding, as the movie is only an hour long. The buzz about this movie concerned it's distribution. It was released in the theaters and on demand and DVD all within a week. This gave theater owners a heart attack, that is until they saw the steaming pile of dung this movie is. They should show this movie to people who have only days left to live, as it takes an hour of your time and makes it feel like years. Sweet God. It took 45 minutes to get to any major plot points. 45 minutes into a 70 minute movie! Steven Soderbergh should bend over in Times Square and let people take turns kicking him in the ass for this movie.

The Ugly

This is Natasha Lyonne. I saw her in Blade: Trinity. Worthless movie, though Jessica Biel is quite the looker. This girl above is a train wreck. I just wanted to share.

This is why Japan is better than us

This was found by my old partner Will. I love the Japanese because they really get it. We don't want to watch people just screwing up on reality TV. We want to see them screw up and then get kicked in the balls.

I think losing the war made them better.

Okay...I'm sexist

So I'd like to poll the audience and see what their opinion is on a subject that seems appropriate for this incredibly hot day.

Mandals.

Those are sandals worn by men. Please see the above photo, if you need further clarification. I don't know the foot in the photo. My roommate, Jeff, sports the mandals. I don't know what it is about them, but it weirds me out. I think feet in general are more functional than fashionable. Especially men's feet.

Here's where the sexist part comes in. I don't have a problem with open-toed shoes on women. Mostly because they have cuter feet it seems, or at least they take better care of them than most guys. I wear sneakers or dress shoes....maybe boots in the winter. Ya know just because it feels good, doesn't mean that makes it okay. I'm sure walking around naked probably is pretty liberating, but due to a number of international and maritime laws, I don't do it.

So what gives...Ladies? Germs?

Some late night thoughts

Before I turn in, I had some random thoughts that I thought I'd get off my chest.

You ever wonder why life can be so hard sometimes? It gets you thinking about whether you're the one making it harder. I think I'm guilty of that sometimes. However there are days, weeks and sometimes months when it seems like the breaks aren't coming your way. Life is awesome and funny and wonderful, full of good drinks and laughter and friends. Life can also be scary and incredibly lonely and full of risks and doubt. I find it occasionally incongruous that it can be both, sometimes in the same day.

Saw my roommates' band, Uncle Shaker, play. They are really good. I highly recommend you download their music from Itunes. Americana/alt-country. Good stuff, and really nice guys. Always happy to go out and support the boys.

Happy 1st day of August. Where the hell has the summer gone?

I dunno about this...

So I'm going to run a 5K in October in honor of Steve Lawlor. Steve was the head of Special Operations for Boston EMS and an incredibly nice guy who died of cancer last year at 50. There's a City Run, which is going to benefit his charity and I decided that was as good a cause as any. So I am running this with my friend Chuck, who appeared as equally out of shape as me. However, it seems that he's hardcore training and I am getting worried.

So I went for a run today. I have no idea how far it was, as the ambulance took me most of the way. Just kidding. I ran/walked for 35 minutes and I realized something. What the hell am I thinking? 5K seems so small....around 3 miles. It seems easy on the eliptical, but no so much on the actual street. I'm so screwed....but I'm going to do it. This might be as close to a marathon as I get.

Great music this weekend

So on Saturday night, I attended the Dixie Chicks concert with Mikie. I asked her if she wanted to fly out for this, mostly because I realized that she would appreciate this ticket more than anyone else I knew. So we had a good time and saw an awesome concert.

Say what you want about these ladies, but they really put themselves in the music. When they performed "Not ready to make nice" which talks about the whole controversy about their Bush remarks, the place went nuts. It was nice to be able to support them, and I love the fact that they came back with a bang and not a whimper. They aren't asking for forgiveness. They're taking it, and changing their fan base to be sure.

If you don't have the album, "Taking the Long Way," buy it and have a good listen. No matter what your politics, it's a great listen.

As promised

So I want for my walk and it was fucking hot. I apologize for the vulgarity, but there's no better way to put it.

Really hot
Super hot
Quite warm

Nope. It was fucking hot. I walked up to here.
This is the Somerville Public Library. I held the door open for that lady in the background. I think she was flirting with me. And you know, if it wasn't that hot, I would have....oh God. The heat has cooked my brain. I was going to take more photos, but I walked down the wrong street and didn't see the castle. I'll take photos of that one day soon.

Hope everyone is having a good Friday.

Happy Friday

Back from Martha's Vineyard. I was there with a guy from the National Weather Service giving a talk on hurricane preparedness. Not a big turnout, but good representation from all the towns.
Some interesting folks down there.....real interesting.

Had a great slice of Sicilian pizza today at Pinocchio's in Harvard Square. Found that place through Chowhound as well. Thank god for that site. It was a good slice of sicilian. Not too doughy with a great crust and the right amount of cheese.

I'm off for a walk, and I think I'll take my camera. I also have to return the Stephen King book, "The Cell" that I finished. Not a bad read, and quick too.

Hope you're all staying cool.

My apologies

I realized that when I posted thanks to the people for coming to my little slice of internet heaven, that I would forget people. So Tory and Nicole, I apologize for the oversight. It was not intentional I swear.

I spent the balance of today at Logan Airport's Fire/Rescue Headquarters. Man, that place is my ultimate fantasy. It combines firefighting and airplanes. Quite cool. Bob Donahue is the chief over there, and he is a terrific guy. He was just recognized in a magazine I'm sure you're all familiar with, Airport Business. If you want to read the glowing article on Chief Donahue and his gang, check it out here.

Air Conditioning + Darkness = Sleepy Time

So I'm home, and I'm about to turn in. As a final footnote to the evening, I asked the other guy to wake me at 7. He had been sleeping for a little over 4 hours. I just wanted to hours to be okay for the drive home.

So I wake up to a clatter in the bunkroom, and I look at my watch. It's 9:10AM. It's no big deal, as I didn't have anywhere to go except for here. But I had these horrible visions of people being led into the bunkroom on a tour, to find me. Drooling on a pillow, scratching myself and farting.

Thank God we avoided that sticky wicket.

I'm off to dream about Heidi Klum.

Beryl screwed me...

So, Tropical Storm Beryl has screwed me. Like some girls, she came on strong. Strong enough that my agency thought there was interest...so we made a play and stationed people here tonight, me being one of them. Then she cooled off and pretended like there was nothing there, and I'm left pulling my pud.

Sigh. Funny how similarities crop up in every day life.

So yes, I'm underground at the Massachusetts Emergency Operations Center again....I wrote a post about this in June I think when I slept here last. I'm here with Peter again, and this other guy. This is a guy who wore slacks, a button down and white tennis shoes to work today. He also has a car with a vanity plate of his last name. Are you getting a mental picture here....and he's younger than me. So I'm here with Toolio and this could be a long night.

So as you read this and look at your comfy bed, think of me sleeping under a photo of JFK with a grey wool blanket stamped "Massachusetts Civil Defense" on it. You really can't make this stuff up.

I am scared of Beryl

So Tropical Storm Beryl is threatening the east coast, and there remains the possibility that I have to spend the night underground tomorrow night because of it. I really hope this chick doesn't come around. I'm not a woman hater, but I'd rather not spend the night sleeping in a bunker again.

In other news I saw Capote and thought it was okay. I thought Hoffman did a fine job with Capote, but it was more mimicry than acting. I thought the kid who played the prisoner was excellent though.

Oh, and I found out that Larry Hagman went to my high school. How pimp is that?

A couple of things

First, I'd like to point out that I have about 200 hits so far this month, which is the total for all of June. So thanks for swinging by. I'm not sure why you do, but it's kind of cool. Really I'm thanking Tom, Mikie, Chuck and Sara, and Sam and Lizzie. You all probably account for most of my hits anyway. Somebody from the Arkansas Transportation Department did look at this today. Nice to see that government workers everywhere are wasting time.

Second, I finally found good falafels near my house. With the help of Chowhound, I found this place called Cafe Barada on Mass Ave in Cambridge. It's actually pretty close to me and it was really good, or ril good as some people I know say. So if you live up here, give it a shot. It's no Mamoun's, but it's the best I can do.

Finally, it's really hot. Or as they say up here, Supah hot. My room is currently my hideout, as it's the only room with A/C, except for Jeff's room. So drink lots of fluids and don't exercise. I've been sweating so much recently. Aww yeah ladies.....who's hot?

Aaarggh..

So today, my good friend Chuck and I went to see "Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest." There were a bunch of little kids there, which I'm not sure was appropriate considering the content of the film. And yup, Keira Knightly was smoking. But I was going to post a review and then I realized that my good friend, the Ninja had done a perfect one already.

Anyone else see it? Like it, hate it?

Dinner and more

So tonight I had dinner with these two delightful couples. Sam and Lizzie and Chuck and Sara. Both married, and good friends. We ate at a place called Vinny's at Night, which literally is Vinny's Deli at night. There is a small room in the back and they have some awesome italian food. So thanks for Sam and Lizzie for the find.

I was thinking about my friends up in Boston and how many of them are couples. And since I got here, a bunch of people have moved or are thinking about moving. This is quite the issue for me, as I am very close to my friends. However, I need to remember that a married couple has two people to make decisions, and not three. So we'll see how everything all shakes out. It's getting harder to replenish the friends though. My brother is a good start, when he's willing to get his lazy ass on the T.


Enough serious talk....check out one of my favorite Senate nutjobs Ted Stevens being impaled on last night's Daily Show.

This is really good.

So, I was perusing my good friend Ben Smith's NYC political blog tonight and I came across a gem.

There are lots of blogs out there. And a bunch of them are pro-life. And a bunch of those blogs will take exception to newspaper columns. But only one asshat in the bunch apparently has taken issue with a newspaper called The Onion. Yes...this is real.

Please read the comments. They are priceless.

Update: Apparently the comments have been removed. The fool who wrote the blog piece I guess is a sensitive soul. But do click on the sitemeter at the bottom to see the kind of traffic this retard is getting.

And now the news

So I know that many of you have had break-ups. Some of them good and some of them not so good. But did you ever think of hiring someone to kidnap you and the ex and then be "forced" to have sex together, while the guy you hired takes photos that you later keep? Just a hint....there is no right answer except NO.

And if you want to know where I found this gem, look no further than fark.com. If you don't know it, get with the program and prepare to laugh your ass off.

Nightmare on Elm St.

So my roommate came into my room about 30 minutes ago to tell me that the Somerville PD was at our door about a burglary. It seems that my upstairs neighbor had her place broken into. It was a forced break, which means they used a tool that left marks in the door. But the other two apartments were unscathed by these hooligans. Jeff and I started joking about it the second after it happened, which is the way that many of us deal with stuff like this.

She lives alone, so I told her she could always knock on our door. Not that we're a lot of good. But we're here. Or at least I am. Jeff has a lovely lady he spends lots of time with. I got to talk shop to the detective. I'm pretty confident this case will never get solved.

Oh, and I have yet to use the above title. So it's not really hackneyed yet.

Chlorine and Michelob Light

So on Saturday I went down to Poughkeepsie, NY. Home of my alma mater and some friends of mine who I fought fires with.....okay drank with. My friend Brian, just ended things with his fiancee. My other friend, Vinnie, just had his ex-girlfriend ask to meet him in a diner. So he went, just so she could tell him she's moving to Jersey....with another guy.

So needless to say, it was the woman hater's club. But really, three pale, chubby guys drinking beer and sitting in a hot tub isn't much magic for the ladies anyhow. I had a great time. Drunken food shopping, and swimming in a pool that was 72 degrees. I passed on Dave Matthews tickets at Fenway for those clowns. And it was well worth it.

It was a good weekend. And tomorrow....back to the grind. Acting manager, while the boss is away. Ugh...

Happy 4th...

Happy Independence Day everyone! I spent the day with my brother Ross at my friends Chuck and Sara's house in Bedford. This is Chuck and his crazy neighbor. The guy on the bike apparently thinks that the CIA was behind the Oklahoma City bombing. Suffice to say, he's a special person.

Ross and I had a great time. It's really great that I have met Chuck and Sara. They are awesome and very laid back. It was a very nice way to spend a day. Eating and drinking. I'm sure our forefathers would be proud.

I sure do miss her.

Erin Aljoe Schlather
September 3, 1977 - July 3, 2004

A Few things

1. Big shout out to Willis Carrier, the inventor of air conditioning. I was outside at a concert and as I walked home I was secure in the knowledge that my room was currently at 65 degrees. God bless that man. Las Vegas owes his family more than it could ever pay.
   
2. God Bless Bonnie Raitt. I saw her and Keb Mo. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure which one I was more excited about. If you don't know Keb, please go to ITunes or your current music store and buy his latest album. It was a great night, full of great blues and good beer. And thanks Chuck for being part of our gay little duo. There weren't a lot of male straight duos under 30 there. Good man for coming with.
   
3. I found out today that I got into grad school. It's not a huge deal. I didn't really tell anyone, because I applied late and that's sort of how I roll anyway. But I'm going part-time to Suffolk University in the fall for my Masters in Public Administration. Kind of cool, and kind of frightening.
   
4. Oh, and see History of Violence. Good violence. Better sex scenes.
   

Start a vigil...

Please keep David in your thoughts and prayers.

1. What kind of super shaving does he do?

2. Who's gym has chandeliers? His I guess.

Guess where the hell I am!

So as I type this blog entry, I am rolling down the MassPike on a bus. No, Fung Wah has not gotten hi-tech. This is the Limoliner. A rolling luxury coach with about 30 seats. It's got streaming broadband and big leather seats. I'm about to get served my drink by the attendant. And the bathroom is huge and has fresh cut flowers. I can still do work while I'm on this thing, and 4th of July traffic doesn't really bother me at all.

Now it is $79 each way, which is steep. I would have flown had JetBlue had some better fares. And the train was more than this, at about the same speed without the amenities. I'm probably breaking even over driving, with gas, tolls, wear and tear and snacks along the way. I decided that I plan to ride the bus in style. This is how I roll.

Besides, I wouldn't have the chance to post to a blog that no one reads. I recommend it, even just once. It only goes between Boston and New York, and I'm not sure if they have expansion plans.

Healing Hands

Hey all,

So earlier this week I had read about a massage school that gives massages on the cheap. And feeling rather stressed at work, I called and got an appointment for tonight. So I go to this place, which is on the second floor of this strip mall near my house. Past the Weight Watchers meeting, where I overheard the lady telling my chubby brethren that they can go for a kayak ride on the Charles, and straight to the Massage Institute of New England (MINE). I was told I was going to see what sounded like "Magoo" which conjured up images of an exotic woman with her hands on my body.

So it was Matthew. Yeah. I was a little skeeved out about having this guys hands on me. I felt especially weird when he asked why I came in today, and I didn't have any technical reason. "I like massages" sounds cool with a woman, but a little shaky with old Matthew. So I could have fought the whole thing and not relaxed, or I could spend my 50 buck and enjoy it. And Matthew laid his heeling hands on me and life was good.

The oil on the chest was the oddest part, but I got over it. I strongly urge those in Boston to click on that link and make an appointment. With Matthew, or anyone. And to those outside the Hub, just look for Massage Schools as they generally have great rates to teach the students.
One final funny thing....MINE only takes cash after 5PM. So in my Outlook Calendar at work I wrote:

7:30PM - 8:30PM: Massage - CASH ONLY

There's probably a less sketchy way to convey that. One without a Happy Ending.

Why the T sucks

So I am riding the T back from a Sox game tonight, they won, and it struck me how much they really suck. I have only really experienced one other mass transit system in detail, New York City's and it is far superior. Now before you start moaning and crying, I'm not even going to discuss that one is 24 hours (NYC) and one stops at 12:30 (Boston.)

1. The T is dirtier. I know all you Boston snobs think New York is a cesspool, but the T has far more papers on the floor. Mostly thanks to the Metro, but really when was the last time you saw a T employee with a broom on the T?
   
2. In New York, they stage trains for the Yankee and Mets games. They plan for people leaving the game, sometimes a little early and handle the trains with swiss precision. In Boston, it almost seems like the games have caught the system by surprise.
   
3. New York has subways that look like subways. The Red Line is the only one in Boston that can pull it off. The Orange and the Blue lines look like temporary shuttles until new cars are ordered. The Green Line looks like a bus, built in Poland in the demise of the Cold War. Finally the Silver Line is a bus. New York knows better than to sneak a bus line into a subway map. What kind of stupid shit is that?
   
4. The Porter Square escalator. I live near the deepest station in the system and it seems like one of the three escalators are always out, sometimes two. How hard is this crap? Who's brother owns the repair company?

Okay, rant's over. Return to your sub-par mass transit system.

Red-eye

So this weekend I went out on a quick trip to the San Francisco to visit my friends Montu and Casey. It was a great trip, though far too short. I came back this morning on the red-eye. I flew Jet Blue on their Airbus A320, in the back of the plane which has more room. They have a promotion with Bliss Spa, so I got earplugs and an eye mask.

But you can't deny that the red-eye is no fun. I got 4 hours sleep, tops. And I left work early, because I was incoherent. Not recommended. Berkley however is very recommended. As is the best burger chain in the nation.

Why Graham hates the media

I've never really liked the media. I hate the fake voice the TV reporters use. I hate the fact that no one ever gets the story right, and I hate the sneaky ways they work.

I was teaching a class on hurricane preparedness on the Cape last week. So there was a reporter there who wanted some comments, so I gave him some good, appropriate lines to put in his daily rag. So this guy sits in my class, and unbeknownst to me, writes down what I say. Now, when I teach a class, I use sarcasm, hyperbole, and a lot of humor. Most of this doesn't come out in print.

So here is Graham in the press. Try to guess what lines I knew were going to be in the paper, and which ones I had no clue he was going to put in there. The Director of my agency thank God has a sense of humor about the whole situation.

Blood suckers...

Another sign the world is ending

Cops on TV

I would like to take one small second of your time to point out another fallacy on movies and television. Almost every single male cop has a messy place, in an incredible apartment with an awesome view of the city they protect. And plenty of beer in the fridge. (That last one is true.)

They never show the handsome cop living at home, or in basement apartment 12 miles outside of the city. Cops can't afford views. I wish I was a TV cop.

I saw this again watching the movie Ice. Hard to call it a movie really. It is very, very bad. And I love it very, very much.

Das Gym

So today I made it to the gym. I go near work, otherwise I'll never go. So I went and it was packed. I did weights today. Perhaps tomorrow I'll do cardio. However I have better chances of winning the lottery than going to the gym two days in a row.

So I'm lifting weights and doing curls and I realize that I'm not doing a lot of weight. There are many women that are probably doing my weight. And not women like this freak on the right....small women who look like they just graduated high school. So I've started to pretend that I'm doing physical therapy, which is why I'm not using that much weight. I just need a shirt or something that says, "I had a horrible industrial accident and all I got was this stupid T-shirt. "

Or maybe after each rep....I keep muttering, "As soon as I get stronger....I'm going to shoot that guy back."

State Government Slumber Party!!

So, Massachusetts is expecting a few more inches of rain and the decision was made to activate our State Emergency Operations Center. This is the building I work in.

It's 40 feet underground, with no windows and two large blast doors on either side. There is a 2-person morgue, and the buildings rests on springs in case of earthquake or nuclear detonation. I'd like to tell you that it's in a secret location, known only to me and the Governor. However someone spelled out the agency's name in shrubbery a long time ago, thus ending a lot of the mystique.

So I'm here until 8AM. Just me and this really nice guy Peter, who's our Public Information Officer. I just wolfed down some Taco Bell, so I'm ready for any emergency they can throw at me.

Go ahead....give me your best shot.

I am not a cook...

So I hit the gym after work and on the way home was wondering what healthy thing I could eat. I remembered that I had some frozen ground turkey in the freezer. I decided to make turkey burgers.

When I got home, I noticed that the sell date was in mid February, leaving me to wonder how long turkey can stay frozen. So I defrosted my icy block of turkey and it was very watery. I wrung it out over the sink and made two decent sized patties. During grilling I noticed what I think was fat or some congealed substance spreading from the patties. Of course I ate them. They tasted fine. With some cheese and pickles and condiments.

However this leaves me to wonder if one day my ignorance in the kitchen will one day kill me or put me in the hospital.

My tummy is starting to hurt.

Memorial Day Post.....

This is a little long, but I think this guy hits the nail on the head perfectly, talking about the responsibility we have to the troops. Thanks to Steve for finding this for me.

Click here for the goodness.....

A great day for a wedding.....

So as I told you before, my friends Sam and Lizzie got married this weekend in Great Barrington, MA. It was a great ceremony and I got to hold the chupah. It was a jewish wedding, and the chupah is a canopy under which the bride and groom are married. It symbolizes the home. So myself and my friends Ben, Nick and Chris all held up the chupah. Waka gave a nice reading, which is appropriate as he is the thespian.

A beautiful couple on a beautiful day. It was so much fun to get back together with the boys. Really got to do that more often. For those looking to marry people, you can become a brother in the cloth like me. You get ordained as a Reverend. Due to the fact that I married people once, I became a Most Reverend when I bought my "Wedding in a Box" kit.

Be warned that there are tax implications....and no you cannot stop paying taxes because your home is a church. And why do I always look so dumb in every photo.

New London, CT

I'm away on business tonight, staying at the Holiday Inn - New London. I'm here for a meeting tomorrow. I am lucky enough to be here with a friend. However, the situation right now reminds me of why I dislike traveling. I'm watching Deal or No Deal on a color TV in a room that smells like a hotel. I'm probably going to watch TV, because that's what people do when they stay in hotels for business.

There was a time when I thought travel was glamorous. That was in the NYPD, when the idea of the department sending me to Westchester County was magical. Now, however it has gotten old. The reimbursement process, the wrapped soaps, and the long hallways that serve to remind you that no matter how expensive the place, you're not home.

This Holiday Inn is great. They gave me some coupons and the manager even called to see if everything was fine. Deal or No Deal however, still is a horrible show.

Being single

So I've been thinking....probably because I'm going to a wedding next weekend. My friends Sam and Lizzie are getting married in Western Mass this coming weekend, and I couldn't be more happy. I love them both, and they are truly both my friends. Though, as another of my high school friends gets ready to tie the knot, I get a little wistful.

I'm not exactly worried or panicked. I don't have a calendar that tells me when I need to get hitched by. I just wonder if I'll ever meet that person. Now, the issue of finding the right person is much larger than a blog entry and obviously hasn't been solved by my therapist, so I'm not expecting any revelations.

I just wonder if I'll find that person and know. I thought I knew....but then I dived that plane into the ground, thereby ending that. So do we get second chances? Does it really happen when you're not looking for it to? (In that case, I'm pretty sure this blog entry isn't helping.)
Who knows? My friends who are married are awesome, and I do get worried at being the third wheel. Especially up here in Massachusetts. It seemed that my cop friends in New York were married, but never really "married."

I'm just thinking that at some point, this little burp on the internet will be a interesting footnote as I look back at my life. Hopefully with someone, but perhaps as a bachelor too. That uncle who spoils your kids rotten because he doesn't have to keep them.

I once thought I could write a relationship book entitled, "Watch out for this guy! " Maybe I'll shop it around.

Boston ain't big enough....

********NEWS FLASH*********

My brother, Ross Campbell, is moving to Boston. Yup, you got that right. In less than a month, my 25 year old little brother will be working for some investment firm in the Hub. Yes he will be making more money than me. That kid will always make more money than me. I work for the government.

So stay tuned. I'm trying to get him out to Somerville. But something tells me this kid has Back Bay written all over him.

The longest drive...

Sorry about the lack of posting. Though I'm not really sure who I'm apologizing to. I'm not quite sure anyone reads this. I was down at the National Emergency Training Center last week. This is where FEMA's National Emergency Management Agency is housed. It's quite pretty. And I escaped the flooding that plagued the home state. However, Friday was our travel day back to the great Commonwealth.

This also happened on Friday

Some yahoo decided to roll his tanker of highly flammable methane across all three lanes of I-90 Westbound. So that made my trip a total of 11 hours. I also had to drop Chuck's monkey ass off at home. Though Sarah did make a mean pizza, so it was well worth the trip.

Once again, the federal government screwed me.

Apologies...

A good friend wrote me to complain that I hadn't blogged in a while. This is true. I've been busy I suppose, but that's a lame excuse.

I had the opportunity on Monday night to spend the evening at the Holiday Inn in Tinton Falls, NJ. A lovely place. They had a "sports" bar named Morgan's there. This place was a sports bar I suppose because they had 8 very small TVs all tuned to the Red Sox game. Which is good. But we couldn't get sound because "that's only for the World Series." I hatched a theory about this place.

Morgan's was the shit back in the 80's. The TVs all worked and were brand new, and the waitresses were hot and the decor was slamming. And the owner decided after a year of windfall profits not to change a thing. And so this place sat for the next 20 years as the TVs shorted out, the waitresses sagged a little, and Golden Tee '99 became a quaint relic.

If you ever find yourself in Tinton Falls, NJ (near Eatontown) stop by good old Morgan's. And experience a blast from the past. Not really in a good way.